


Thirteen

by salanderjade (whowhatsitwhich)



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 47,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1252000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whowhatsitwhich/pseuds/salanderjade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thirteen is an unlucky number. And for Peeta Mellark, the odds have always been against him. Confused and angry, for him this place is no better than the Capitol. Nothing has changed. It takes thirteen visits for Katniss to change his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thirteen

 

Chapter 1: Thirteen

She forgot the damned cameras were there with their unblinking eyes. She forgot everything except for what was no doubt taking place in that gilded hell hole that Snow called home. She could see them as clearly as if she was there. She should have been there. She wanted to be there.

Gale, her fierce friend, her rock, her touchstone. He had always been there through thick and thin, good and bad. Peeta, her boy with the bread, who had stood between her and catastrophe more times than she could count. If she was completely honest, she would admit to herself and to them how important they were to her. Those two along with Prim represented the best parts of her. Lose either and she would never again be the same.

She didn't know where the words came from. She didn't stop to think about it. They burst forth like water from a dam and she was powerless to stop them.  _Are you, are you coming to the tree?_  Such a seemingly innocent question. One last moment together while we still have the chance. _Where they strung up a man they say murdered three._  A place where death walked and ruled. Surely that was the Capitol and if anyone ever had blood on their hands it was Snow. He was drenched in it.  _Strange things did happen here. No stranger would it be if we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._  Midnight. It begins at midnight. It had begun then. One bolt of lightning had lit the world on fire. Burn down the old so that something new could take its place. But at what cost? Either one of them was worth more to her than the vague promise of peace to come. Lose one, lose everything.

The words poured from her and she quaked as the images rose around her. Smoke and fire, the metallic coppery smell of blood and sweat. Gale running as hard as he could, his breath was pumping like bellows as he hurried toward a place yet unseen. Peeta-blonde curls dark and lank with dull, lifeless eyes-plodding unsteadily at Gale's heels. Hurry. Let's go! Let's go! She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the scene to fade. It swirled around her on wings of the song that coursed through her veins like acid. It ate at her from the inside out, hollowing out her heart and cracking it wide open. Everything she was laid bare in an instant.

_Are you, are you coming to the tree? The dead man called out for his love to flee_. Run faster, she urged them. Stay with me. Stay with me. Always. Those words overlapping in her head. Peeta's voice, Gale's eyes. Johanna walking in lockstep with Boggs, her head lolling to the side. Bruised and battered, she kept moving even though her knees threatened to give way. She wouldn't make it. She couldn't. They were coming. They were already there. Booming thunder. The arena again. They were back on the beach under a faded pink sky. Annie, her eyes vacant and staring, was being led gently by an unnamed face. She couldn't help them. She had to try. Katniss moved and the world shifted. Annie's lips moved silently, never-ceasing. Katniss wept when she was able to make out the words. Finnick, Finnick. Over and over. Unseeing and unseen, she called his name. Where are you? Why did you leave me?

_Strange things did happen here. No stranger would it seem if we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._  An eddy in the smoke, diffuse light, a burst of fresh air. Gale smiling through soot and ash. Peeta, breathing heavily, unaware but still trailing after. Too far gone to care. Out into the misty morning. A rime of dew making the grass wet and slick underfoot. The flankers firing desperately as they pile inside the hovercraft. Go! Go! We've got them. Let's go home!

_Are you, are you coming to the tree? Wear a necklace of rope side by side with me._  Snow wouldn't forgive this. He wouldn't forget. There would be no going back now. They would have to end it or die trying. Her eyes lifted to the tree line, to that distant beckoning sun.  _Met up at midnight in the hanging tree._  Her voice faded and silence reigned. Nobody spoke. Neither did she. Now there was nothing left to do but wait.

Cold. That was the first thing she noticed when she opened her eyes in the antiseptic confines of Thirteen's hospital ward. Her fingers found the collar fitted snugly about her neck. Her mind shied away from the memories that threatened to pull her under. It wasn't the collar that made it difficult to breathe. It was the thought of him with hate burning like wildfire in his eyes as his fingers tightened around her neck.

She could have prevented the thing. It wouldn't have been difficult. Had she not been distracted by a jolt of pure happiness at the sight of those bewildered blue eyes, she could have gotten away. She hadn't noticed it at the time. As soon as he saw her face, he pushed the doctors aside like rag dolls and bounded to his feet. She didn't think she reacted. Arms outstretched, lips whispering his name-her only thought was to run. Run right into arms that meant safety, security, and most of all-love.

She didn't notice how much heavier his step was, how one leg dragged behind. She just saw him. Beautiful and alive and safe. Here. With her. Where he belonged. It was fingers closing inexorably around her throat that brought her back. The sheer shock of it cut her off at the knees. Of all the scenes that had played out in her head, this was the last thing she pictured. He loved her. He would never hurt her. She shook her head in denial even as black edged out the sight of his hate-filled, tear reddened eyes.

She doubted that Beetee would have been so forthcoming had he known she was awake. They sat in the corner speaking in hushed whispers, not realizing that she strained to hear every word, every syllable. Hijacked. That was the term they used. Snow had corrupted the one pure thing she had left, his inexhaustible love. They made him remember her as they pumped him full of poison that turned his memories inside out. That was bad enough. She would have wept a thousand tears had that been the extent of it. But no. Snow was nothing if not thorough. It wasn't enough to give him venom and hope that the fear inducing haze would be enough. Snow had hedged his bets in every way, used any tool available.

His arms and chest were covered in burns and bruises. It didn't take Beetee's detailed analysis for her to know that he had been tortured. The Capitol had reams of material to draw from thanks to seventy-five years of the Hunger Games. They were accomplished at taking a person apart piece by piece and then putting them back together in whatever form they chose. The Capitol had turned him into a mutt. It wasn't that surprising when she thought about it. What turned her stomach and curled her into a ball under the blankets was what they had done to his leg.

Beetee was quite knowledgeable in prosthetics and the mechanics behind them. Apparently, he had been involved in designing and refining the model that had been used for Peeta. The prosthetic was equipped with tiny servomotors that made it almost as maneuverable as an actual limb. The sensors and wiring were grafted directly to his nervous system through a process Beetee called "wet-wiring." The leg operated through muscle contractions and impulses sent by the brain. Snow used this to his advantage. The Capitol technicians set up a loop current in the graft that bound Peeta to his leg. This resulted in what Beetee referred to as feedback. The flow fed upon itself, growing exponentially with each passing minute. It would have felt like liquid fire consuming him from the inside out as the flux devoured his nerves and turned his own body against him. The pain must have been unbearable. That agony when paired with the fear inducing madness of tracker jacker venom had pushed Peeta over the edge. One fed into the other until there was no way to tell what was real and what wasn't anymore.

Katniss felt sick knowing what they had done. On one hand, they had replaced the limb the first Arena cost him. They needed their Victor alive and well, not the exhausted wreck the Games had left. They gave him the best they had to offer. But what was given had just as easily been taken away. They used that gift to punish and then drive a wedge between their star-crossed lovers. They shattered him to break her. She recoiled from the brutality of it, the thought of what he had suffered on her behalf. It was too much.

Prim was the first to realize that she was awake. Her little sister came to the bed and pushed aside a few strands of sweat dampened hair that clung to her forehead. "You're okay, Katniss. It looks like just a few bruises and scrapes. Just as soon as they confirm there are no broken bones, the doctor will remove the collar. You need to keep still and try not to talk. There's plenty of time for your questions later."

Katniss blinked at the determined cast of her little sister's face. Prim hardly looked like the scared girl who clung to her so tightly the night the Quell was announced. She watched as Prim took hold of her clenched fist and gently pried it open. She worked each finger separately, bending and straightening each digit before kneading the palm and rotating the wrist. After ministering to both hands, she massaged the taut muscles of her arms and manipulated the joints until they cracked in protest.

Katniss swallowed a few times to force the moisture back into her dry mouth and throat. Seeing this, Prim stopped long enough to give her a drink of water. Katniss gratefully accepted the straw and sucked the water down greedily. "Go slow," Prim admonished. "You don't need to get sick on top of everything else."

She let the coolness of the water soothe her desert dry throat before attempting to speak. Prim's disapproving frown pulled a flicker of guilt from her but she forced herself to choke out the word. "Peeta," she rasped. Rising up on elbow, she looked from Prim's resigned expression to where the others sat in startled silence. "Peeta," she choked out again.

Prim knelt beside her on the bed and pushed her back into the pillow. "Peeta is fine. He's resting comfortably down the hall. He'll be alright, Katniss." She pulled up the blanket and tucked it around Katniss's shoulders. "You can see for yourself later. Right now, you need to take care of you."

Katniss stubbornly pushed swung her legs off the bed and nearly toppled to the floor in her haste to find her feet. "Katniss," Prim shouted. "You can't do this. You don't know how badly you might be hurt. Wait for the doctors." Katniss grimaced as cold metal dug into her throat but she persisted until she swayed unsteadily and met Prim's equally determined glare. "Why won't you listen for one time in your life? Is that so hard to do?"

Katniss patted her shoulder reassuringly but looked over the girl's shoulder to meet a pair of angry gray eyes like hers. "Well, sweetheart, I'm glad to see that some things never change," a surly voice cut through the tense silence. Haymitch wore his habitually irritated frown. The time in Thirteen had not been kind to her mentor. There was no alcohol in the District. He had been on forced sobriety ever since the Rebels had broken them out of the Arena. Whatever patience the man possessed had already been spent. He shook his head as he draped a companionable arm over Prim's thin shoulders. "Don't waste your time with this one. She's too mule-headed to care about how her actions affect others."

"I care," her voice was hoarse and thick. Pushing her disheveled braid over her shoulder, she tottered to an empty chair and eased into it. "You're wrong, Haymitch. I do care."

Haymitch tipped his head in her direction. "I've watched you in two Arenas not to mention a Victory Tour. You do things your own way and in your own time. If the boy was in his right mind, he would agree with me. You're worse than I am. That's why we understand each other."

Katniss scowled at the not so veiled accusation in his tone. "I know," she muttered. "It's bad. He's bad." Prim sat beside her and took her hand. "Want to see him," she croaked. A shuffling noise drew her attention to the others crowded together in the corner of the room. Beetee's face was the first to register. His eyes were somber, his face pinched and white as he met her uncertain gaze. He surreptitiously shook his head. Katniss gave no sign that she had seen the warning gesture. She avoided Haymitch's knowing look and focused all of her attention on her and Prim's intertwined hands. "Want to see him, Haymitch."

Prim's eyes were wet and a few tears slipped silently down her cheeks. "You can't," she whispered miserably. "Coin won't let you. You're too important, Katniss. You're the Mockingjay. They won't risk your being hurt again." A stifled sob escaped her. Katniss flinched at the sound of her sister's obvious distress. "He almost killed you. If Boggs hadn't been there, he would have killed you."

Haymitch took up the argument before Katniss could come up with a suitable retort. "The boy's going to be kept under lock and key until the doctor's figure out how to fix him. They already have a team going over him with a fine tooth comb. She's right though, sweetheart. They won't risk you. If the Rebels can't have their star-crossed lovers, they will have the Mockingjay. Coin's already made that clear."

The door creaked open and Gale slipped silently into the already crowded room. His eyes were dark with fatigue and the olive skin had a grey cast. He had aged ten years since the raid on the Capitol. He crossed the room and knelt before her chair, his fingers gently tracing the bruises just visible above the collar. "Catnip," he murmured.

"Am okay," she said roughly. "Don't worry."

"He hurt you," Gale retorted fiercely. "You could have died."

Katniss yanked her hands free and shook her head. "Not himself," she grated. "Couldn't help it." Gale tried to reply but before he could, she covered his mouth with her hand. "Don't Gale. Don't."

Haymitch watched the exchange with interest. He chewed his bottom lip as he watched them. "You have some decisions to make, sweetheart. You have a little time but not much. Coin won't wait much longer." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You can't do anything for the boy. We're just going to have to wait and see if he pulls out of it. Coin wants to send you to one of the Districts. She thinks that it will bolster the troops to see that you're still alive and well. She doesn't care which one but she wants you gone before the end of the week."

Katniss felt her eyes widen in disbelief. She shook her head angrily. "Staying here," she announced tersely. "Not leaving. You promised me."

Haymitch's lips quirked up but his voice gave nothing away. "I made a couple of promises, sweetheart. Keeping one meant breaking the other. You know that."

"You promised," she countered. "Help me now." Haymitch exchanged a resigned look with Prim as if this was exactly the reaction he'd expected. Katniss coughed gutturally and pinned her mentor with a resolute stare. "My fault. Hurt because of me. Have to help me, Haymitch."

Haymitch snorted and climbed to his feet, "Yep, some things never change. You really are a piece of work." He climbed to his feet and shuffled toward the door. "Try to stay out of trouble. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Prim also rose to leave. "Katniss, I'm going to get you something to eat. The medicine will make you sick unless you have something on your stomach. Gale, will you stay here until I get back?" He nodded and gave Katniss a tentative smile. "I'll be back soon."

Katniss grabbed her hand and waited until her sister's eyes found hers. "Check on him," she said haltingly. "Please."

Prim's bittersweet smile didn't belong on such a young face. It was one that had seen too much in too short a time. She cupped her sister's chin, fingers skimming along the line of the collar. "Always putting everyone else first, Katniss. I'll check on him first thing."

Gale waited until the door slid shut behind her before rounding on Katniss hotly. "You don't owe him anything, Catnip. You don't have to stay here." His voiced softened and grew hesitant as if he was unsure of what he was doing but determined to get the words out. "My family is safe now. Your mother and Prim are fine. It's what we wanted. Now we can do what we want, be who we want. We don't have to play their game anymore." He covered her hands with his and looked at her intently. "I'm leaving for Two soon. It's the last holdout before we can move on the Capitol. You can come with me. We can finish this." Her eyes widened and she tried pull free but his hold tightened almost to the point of pain. "I didn't speak up before because I didn't want to scare you off. I couldn't offer you any kind of future. That's changed now. The world is changing. Come with me, Katniss. We could be happy."

She couldn't keep the shock from her face at his offer. Why did she never see these things coming until they blindsided her? Her fingers tightened ever so slightly on his before letting go. Understanding flickered in his eyes before he gave an acknowledging nod to her unspoken answer. A rueful smile turned up the edges of his mouth. "I had to ask," he said quietly. "I had to know one way or another. I knew the chances of you taking me up on it were slim but I had to try."

"Gale," she rasped in her hoarse, faltering voice. "Can't leave him like this. Snow did this to him because of me."

Gale laughed. He actually threw back his head and laughed uproariously. Katniss stared at him in disbelief. "I should have known that you'd be the last to know," he chuckled. "As good as you are in the woods; you have no clue about people. Everybody knows it but you, Catnip. We all saw it a long time ago. It's about time you faced it yourself." The look he gave her was a strange combination of amusement and pity. She didn't like it one bit.

"You don't know what you're talking about. I promised to keep Peeta alive. That's all." She stated emphatically as her eyes bore into his.

"Yes, you did." Gale responded. "You wanted to keep him alive even though the only way it could happen is if you died. You promised even though it meant leaving your mother and sister behind." He grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly. "You went to the feast to get him medicine knowing that you could die. You went anyway despite the promise you made to Prim to win and come home. Don't you see it, Catnip? Don't you know?" Gale pulled playfully on her braid. It was a thing he had done countless times before. This time, she felt the meaning behind it. He had accepted a truth that she had yet to comprehend. Whatever it was, he was determined to make her understand it. "You love Prim. You love me. I know you do. But you're in love with Peeta. We can all see it. Hell, the world saw it. You think it was a ruse to get out of the Arena alive. You've managed to fool yourself. It's time to face facts, Catnip. You love him. That's why you won't leave. "

She shook her head furiously, the collar biting into the soft skin her neck. "No," she whispered. "I owe him. It's my fault he's hurt. I don't….I can't…"

Gale smiled sadly and let her go. He stepped back and met her pained gaze with the gentlest look Katniss had ever seen. It was a look he only gave Posy. "You can and you will. Coin won't back down easily. She wants the Mockingjay. If you want to stay with Peeta, you're going to have to fight for it. It might as well be for the right reasons, Katniss."

The determined look that flooded her eyes was all that Gale could have wished for. He knew that look, had seen it a hundred times. She had made up her mind and nothing or nobody would stand in her way. She took the glass of water he handed her and gulped it down in one long pull. Her hands busied themselves with tidying and straightening her frazzled braid. "I'm not leaving him," she stated firmly. "I won't."

"Then don't," Gale replied, just a hint of sorrow in his voice and eyes. He tamped it down and forced a smile that the girl hesitantly returned. "When Prim gets back, we'll let them know what you've decided. I'll help you as much as I can." He turned away before she could see how much this hurt. She had enough pain to deal with. He wouldn't burden her with his on top of it.

A small hand clenched his firmly and her soft words loosened the taut muscles in the back of his neck, "Thank you for being my friend."

Gale closed his eyes and returned the squeeze giving no outward sign that his heart had cracked into. "I'll always be here for you, Catnip." He vowed quietly. "Always."

End Part 1


	2. broken

 

Chapter 2: Broken

You're gone away. You don't feel me here anymore." ~Broken by Seether

Everything here was gray—walls, floors, clothes. She was smothered and surrounded by it. Wrapped in walls of loss and regret, she could see nothing beyond the edge of her bed. Fifty feet were all that separated them now but it might as well be fifty miles. She felt phantom fingers on her throat and choked back the urge to fight her way free. She couldn't fight this. She couldn't win against something she wasn't able to see. All she could do keep still and let the memories writhe and roll.

Giddy. That was what she felt when they first came to get her. Light-headed and giddy at the thought of seeing him again. She didn't dwell on the rest of it at least not then and there. Would he still look at her the same? Could she look at him and not remember the way it felt on that beach before everything had gone so horribly wrong? The only thing she let through was that he was here. Safe. With her. Where she could see him smile, hear him laugh. That possibility alone had pulled her forward, running blindly, desperate and careless. A momentary lapse that had almost gotten her killed.

The bruises were still dark and angry against the pale skin of her throat. Her voice was a raspy whisper instead of the low, even tones she was used to. She rolled on her side and reached for the swath of pale gray silk lying on her bedside table. She unrolled the length carefully after untying the cords that held the bundle together. Inside were the few items she'd managed to salvage from the Arena. Each one caused its own special kind of pain. The spile made thirst burn her throat even though a full glass beaded with condensation sat within arm's reach. The locket caused her heart to clench even though she knew her mother, sister and best friend were all safe and sound. The pearl caused a sheen of tears to glaze her eyes as she brought it to her lips. Resolve flooded her at its cool touch. She would find a way to help him. Staying here in Thirteen wouldn't be enough. Not nearly enough. She would find a way to bring him back. Not just for his sake but also for hers. She hadn't counted on how much his steady presence and unwavering love meant until it was no longer there.

Tucking the pearl into the parachute's folds, she took up the locket and hung it around her neck. The chain was an uncomfortable weight against the bruises but she left it there. Each twinge and graze would be a reminder of all that he had suffered at Snow's hands. She used the ache to fuel her fire. She would fix this. It wasn't enough to be here and hope that he would come back to her. If she had to drag him kicking and screaming back to himself...then that's exactly what she would do. Her boy with the bread was still there. He was buried in the ruins that Snow had left for her. She had no doubt he was there. She just had to put the right key in the right lock. He was waiting. She just had to find him.

The first step was getting out of the hospital. She dressed slowly, giving her legs time to steady beneath her. That small goal accomplished, she moved toward the door. The panel clicked open softly and the resulting glow of the fluorescent lights momentarily blinded her. She squinted and blinked rapidly to clear the sudden wetness that gathered and flowed down her cheeks. Two previously motionless figures edged into view. She swiped her eyes with a rough hand and glared at the strange faces that snapped abruptly into focus. "What are you doing? Who are you? Where's Gale?" The questions spilled out one after the other. She bit her tongue hard to stem the tide.

"We were told to make sure that you weren't disturbed, Soldier Everdeen." The larger of the two announced. "President Coin wished for you to have an undisturbed time to recover."

Katniss gave a carefully neutral nod. "Thank her for me. Can one of you take me to Haymitch Abernathy or Gale Hawthorne? Whichever of them is closest will be fine."

The smaller guard grimaced before he deigned to answer. "I'm sorry, Soldier Everdeen, but the President has requested for you to stay in the medical ward until the doctors release you. We can take a message to Soldier Hawthorne or Mentor Abernathy at the earliest opportunity."

They moved to block her. Katniss planted her feet firmly and met them look for look. "I'm not staying in the bed one more second. I've got things to do. I need to see Gale or Haymitch now."

The guard managed a regretful look before he shook his head. "I can't allow you to go any further, Soldier Everdeen. The President is only looking out for you. You've been through a great deal in a short time. She is concerned that you might not fully recover unless you are completely rested. You'll have to do as we ask. You will return to you room one way or another. My apologies but that is how it has to be."

Katniss' brain raced furiously as she tried to think of a way to keep from being confined to her quarters like a recalcitrant child. Coin had her firmly sewed up in a sack and unless something drastic happened in the next few minutes, there was no way around it. She traced her steps back to the half-open door and watched as the guards resumed their post. "Will you at least send a message to Gale that I want to see him?" She asked as politely as she could manage through gritted teeth and a jaw tight with frustration.

"We will send him the message but President Coin has him in Specialty Defense. He might not be free for some time." The burly guard shifted uncomfortably. "Abernathy is still in meetings with those people from the Capitol. We'll make sure that they get your message but it will be up to the doctors to clear you for visitors. You understand?"

Katniss unfortunately understood perfectly. Coin had her Mockingjay in a pretty gilded cage and had no plans to open the door any time soon. Her quiet rebellion against the steely eyed leader of Thirteen had come to an inglorious end. Salvation came in the form of a much beloved voice that indignantly demanded, "What's going on here? I was supposed to be told the minute my sister woke up so I could be here. What are you two doing?"

Prim swept the two guards aside and pulled her shocked sister into a tight embrace. "I'm so glad to see you up. We were so worried about you." Prim loosened her hold and took Katniss in from head to toe. Her eyes might have lingered on the locket but she didn't say a word. "Why are you going back in there? I was hoping that you would join us in the mess hall for lunch. If you don't feel well, I can have something brought to you. Do you think you could handle an outing?"

Katniss let out a small sigh of relief. "I want to eat with everyone else. I've had a belly full of my company." She twined her arm through Prim's and pulled her close enough to whisper, "They won't let me out until the doctors release me. Coin put my door under guard to make sure that I don't wander off. I'm sorry, little duck, but I don't see any way around it."

Prim's pretty face split into a conspiratorial grin. "Let me take care of this," she mouthed. "I'm going to take my sister to lunch. I'll bring her back after she's eaten." Katniss couldn't keep the doubtful expression from her face but followed without question. The guards exchanged a confused look and the larger blocked the door. "I've seen the orders," Prim announced smugly. "It doesn't say that a doctor's permission is required for her to leave the ward. It actually states that any medical staff can assess her condition and make a determination." She drew herself up proudly. "I'm certified as a medical assistant and have been enrolled in training courses to become a doctor. I am perfectly qualified to make a decision about my sister's medical state. She's alert and oriented. She's bearing weight equally on both legs. She dressed herself and can follow commands. It will do her good to get out for a little while. I'll bring her back afterward. Come on, Katniss."

Katniss didn't let out the breath she had held until the double doors of the medical ward closed behind them. She scooped Prim up in the tightest hug that she could manage then gasped, "Prim, I can't believe you...how did you? ...thank you so much!"

Prim laughed and returned the embrace, her hands resting gently on her sister's thin shoulders. "Coin had no right to keep you locked up. What good will that do? You need to keep moving and to spend time with the people who love you. You'd go stir crazy locked up in that room and do something drastic. Coin will come around once she realizes that you will get better much faster this way."

Katniss scowled but didn't correct Prim's optimistic view. She was still innocent in so many ways despite all the horrors she had witnessed. It was a quality that made Prim...Prim. Katniss hoped that she never lost it. The mess hall was two corridors and three passageways from the medical ward. They entered the large space and collected trays from the serving line. Prim led Katniss to their assigned table. The only people currently eating were Rory and Vick Hawthorne. Both boys gave her curious looks and welcoming smiles before turning back to their half-empty plates. Katniss slid into an unoccupied chair and picked listlessly at a bland stew of vegetables and small bits of meat. "Where's Gale? I thought he would be here."

Rory chewed his food slowly, swallowed, and then answered, "He's been hanging around Beetee for the last couple of days. I don't know what they're doing. Gale won't talk about it. He should be here soon."

Katniss tamped down her interest, choosing instead to focus on here and now. She needed Gale or Haymitch. If one was out of reach then she had to find the other. "What about Haymitch? Has anybody seen him recently?"

This time it was Prim who volunteered the information. "He's been closeted with Coin most of the morning about Peeta. They have assembled a team to look him over. They are being led by a Dr. Aurelius. I haven't met him yet, Katniss, but everybody says that he's the best Thirteen has to offer. The current plan is to screen everyone from Twelve to find someone to talk to him, feel him out."

Katniss immediately objected, "I should be the one to go in. He knows me. Haymitch is supposed to talk to Coin to get me access."

Both Hawthorns and Prim looked up wide-eyed and disbelieving at her outburst. Rory and Prim exchanged a glance. Her little sister looked oddly determined when she finally replied, "Katniss, I know what you're trying to do and I love you for it. You have to understand that what you want isn't possible now. He tried to kill you, Katniss. He would have succeeded if Boggs hadn't been there. You have to give us time to test him and figure out a course of treatment. It's not going to be easy. We don't know how badly he's been damaged by what Snow did to him."

Katniss felt her ears prick up at the word "we." She twisted her fingers into nervous knots in her lap. "Prim," she asked hesitantly. "Are they going to let you be part of the team that's treating Peeta?" Prim's eyes rounded and she shot another inexplicable look at Rory before nodding. "Have you seen him? How is he?"

Prim patted her mouth with a paper napkin and exhaled softly. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that. I never could keep a secret from you. I told them that." She gave Katniss a level look. "Dr. Aurelius added me to the team. He wanted someone familiar with Peeta from before to watch the sessions and make notes on how he seemed different. I volunteered for the job and he agreed. He seems to think that my being your sister will give me special insight. I'm to tell the team when a memory has been distorted or changed."

Katniss sat back in her chair and couldn't keep the hopeful expression from her face. "Can I be part of it? I'm the best person to ask about his memories. I don't have to be in the room. I can stay in the observation area. Please, Prim? Can you get them to let me help?"

Prim looked helplessly from her sister's pleading face to Rory who kept his eyes firmly on his plate. "Katniss, I'm not sure that I…" Her voice trailed off at the look on Katniss' face. The soft sound of her drawn out sigh twisted Katniss' heart but she didn't withdraw the request. Too much depended on it.

Prim finally gave a tiny nod and returned quietly, "Haymitch has argued since you woke up the first time for you to be allowed to see him. So far, it's gotten him exactly nowhere." She slid a hand across the table and tightly grasped her sister's hand. "I can argue that you know Peeta better than anyone. I can't promise that you'll be able to talk to him but I think Dr. Aurelius will be amenable to letting you watch the sessions."

Katniss bit her lip, mind racing furiously as she tried to think of a way to convince them that she would be safe with Peeta. The thought of his wild, furious eyes as his fingers tightened inexorably around her neck sent a chill up her spine. She refused to let fear take over. It was still Peeta no matter what. She wouldn't let anyone or anything keep her from doing everything in her power to help him. "I'd be okay with that. You said that they are screening people to talk with him. Do you think that I could watch the visit?"

"I don't know. I guess it won't hurt to ask." Prim climbed to her feet and preceded Katniss to the dishes drop. They plunked their trays on the conveyor and then made their way back to the medical ward. Katniss was relieved to see that the guards were no longer stationed outside her door. She glanced around hesitantly as if they were going to magically appear and drag her back to her room. Prim, however, moved confidently through the twisting, turning corridors.

She stopped at a nondescript door and knocked quietly. A few moments passed before a murmured reply bid her to enter. She motioned for Katniss to follow and then pushed the door open. A kind faced man was the sole occupant. His dark eyes behind stylish wire-framed glasses gleamed with an odd mixture of intelligence and surprise as he caught sight of Katniss hovering in the door. A momentary smile edged up one corner of his mouth. He silently motioned her forward and closed the file he had read. She took the empty seat beside Prim's and folded her hands in her lap. The doctor watched her over steepled fingers and then let out a small chuckle, "I can't say that I'm completely shocked by your presence in my office, Miss Everdeen. I expected to see you eventually just not quite this soon. I had been led to believe that you would be recovering for some time."

Katniss shrugged uncomfortably and cleared her throat before answering, "Prim thought it would do me good to get out for a little while. She mentioned that you are treating Peeta. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help. I know him better than anybody."

Dr. Aurelius nodded sagely. "Would you be willing to watch our sessions on an as needed basis and give us insight into how he has been altered by his ordeal? It would be most beneficial and would contribute greatly to the possibility of his making a recovery."

She couldn't hide the rising excitement that welled up at his ready invitation. "I don't mind," she blurted out. "I'd be happy to help in any way that I can."

Dr. Aurelius bounded to his feet enthusiastically, "You must come today then. We've found someone who should be able to converse with him without causing undue stress. Delly Cartwright apparently was a close friend of the patient's growing up. If our theory is correct, she shouldn't trigger any unpleasant memories for him. They should be sending her in any minute. Let's go down and observe, shall we?"

She was already in the room when they entered the observation gallery. The beaming smile on Delly's face clearly showed that the visit was going well. Dr. Aurelius toggled a switch and the two voices filled the room, one of them sorely missed. The sound of his laughter set her cheeks aflame and brought a smile to her face. Prim returned the grin with one of her own. Her hand found Katniss' as they took up a place before the window.

The pleasant exchange continued and with each smile or laughing remark that came from him, Katniss' hopes lifted. He seemed almost like the old Peeta. Her attention caught at the sound of her name in that remembered voice. Never though, had he ever said her name with such anger and rage. Katniss watched in horror as the smiling, laughing boy was transformed into a raving, gibbering fiend. He screamed epithets and warned Delly that Katniss was a mutt and not to be trusted. Delly tried to calm him but her pleas fell on deaf ears. He continued to shout and fight the restraints until the doctors forcibly pulled Delly from the room. Katniss watched in shock as a thin line of red blossomed on his wrists and made scarlet lines on the sheets beneath him. A nurse kept well clear of the bed but managed to slip a needle into the IV still attached to his arm. Within moments, he began to calm and his eyes slid shut.

Prim clasped her sister's clenched fists in a gentle grip and coaxed the fingers apart. She turned to Dr. Aurelius without stopping her ministrations, "She doesn't need to see this. It's only upsetting her. I'm going to take her back to her room."

Katniss spoke up before either of them could say anything further, "No, I want to stay. I need to know what's going to happen." Her pleading gaze sought out Dr. Aurelius. "Is there anything you can do to help him? What can I do? I'll do anything. Please, tell me there's a way. He's still in there. I know you can see it. Please. There has to be something you can do."

The doctor bit his lip and seemed to carefully consider how he was going to respond. As he opened his mouth to offer an opinion, Prim jumped in unexpectedly, "Of course there's something we can do, Katniss. We saw it too. He did seem like the old Peeta for a few moments. That has to mean something. Doesn't it, Dr. Aurelius? There has to be a way."

Dr. Aurelius smiled in a conciliatory fashion. "We'll look at every available treatment, Miss Everdeen. I promise that we'll leave no stone unturned. If we can find a way to break the cycle, we can begin to repair the damage done to his memory. The altered memories respond to certain triggers. We need to find out what those prompts are and counteract them."

Prim looked thoughtful as she gazed through the window at the sleeping figure, "What if we give him something that will make him calm like the morphling? That would break the cycle wouldn't it? We could start with a dose just below what would make him unconscious and gradually step it down as he improves. He would have to be exposed to the triggers in a controlled manner and desensitized against them." Her gaze flicked to Katniss. "My sister could talk to him briefly under set rules for her safety and his. The more he's around her, the more likely he will see through the conditioning."

Dr. Aurelius rubbed his chin as he considered the plan. "That is certainly unconventional but it has merit. No one has ever studied a hijacked patient nor managed to reverse the process. It would be quite extraordinary to watch his progression. We would have to make sure that you would be absolutely safe before allowing you to get close, Miss Everdeen. Are you willing to try it if we can figure out a way to put your sister's idea into action?"

Katniss locked eyes with Prim and nodded once shortly. "Just tell me when," she said stoutly.

Prim smiled slightly and then turned back to the window to disguise the wetness that threatened to overflow. Once again, she had to watch her sister put everything on the line for someone she loved. Prim wasn't fooled. Katniss didn't realize it yet. She was perpetually blind to some things, her own feelings being one of them. Prim was well versed in her sister's tendency to go to unspeakable lengths to protect those she cared about. Katniss had sheltered her from the harsher aspects of life for as long as Prim could remember. It didn't surprise her in the slightest that she was doing the same thing for Peeta now.

Dr. Aurelius remained blissfully unaware of the undercurrents flowing through the room. He rubbed his hands together eagerly and said, "I'll discuss this with the rest of the team and let President Coin know what we have planned going forward. I'll see you again as soon as the arrangements are made."

Prim caught her sister's hand as the doctor let himself out, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Katniss smiled slightly and squeezed their intertwined fingers before letting go, "No. I'm not sure but that doesn't matter, Prim. It's what's best for him. That is what's important."

Prim could only nod in reply and watched sadly as Katniss hobbled toward the door.

"Alright, Katniss," Prim's voice came through the ear bud. "He was given the morphling about five minutes ago. We're going to let him watch a couple of vids of you two together to see how he responds. If that goes well, then we'll send you in."

Katniss fidgeted impatiently but kept her voice steady when she answered, "Okay, little duck. Just tell me when you're ready." The minutes crawled by like hours as she waited. Finally, after what seemed like an interminable wait Prim's voice came again, "Go ahead, Katniss. Don't get any closer than the chair we've set out for you. Don't touch him. Don't loosen his restraints." She acknowledged the instructions and walked hesitantly through the door. She could feel the heat of his gaze the minute she stepped inside. "Hello, Peeta." She said softly, tenderly. She kept her hands where he could see them and made no move other than to walk to the chair and sit down.

The blue eyes were glacial as they raked her head to toe. "You're not very pretty or very big are you? I don't see what all the fuss is about. You're not that special."

She fought to keep the hurt out of her voice and from appearing on her face. "I never thought I was. That was your area, not mine. You loved me once. I never knew why. I still don't."

The smile that twisted his mouth was not the warm, sweet one that she remembered. This one didn't belong on his face. It was tinged with more than a touch of madness. This was not her Peeta. This was a stranger who wore his face. She had to remember that. "Do you know what they did to me, what I let them do because of you? I begged them to let you go, let you live. I told them that you were just trying to survive. I told Snow that I would do anything to keep you safe, give them whatever they wanted. They took me at my word."

He gestured to his blanket covered legs where the prosthetic could be seen quivering violently. Katniss watched in fascination as the muscles of his thigh writhed under the blanket, the false calf and foot moving jerkily on its own. "The connections are almost gone. The nerves have been burned into. There's a good change that I'll lose the rest of it. The doctors give me a thirty percent chance of keeping anything below the hip. I guess I'm keeping my promise to you just not the way I intended. I'm dying a piece at a time."

Katniss recoiled from the venom in his voice, the undisguised hate. She firmed her jaw and met him stare for stare. "I don't want you to die for me, Peeta. I never wanted you to make that sacrifice or any sacrifice because of me."

"Well, what do you want? You come in here uninvited and act like nothing's changed. Everything's changed, Katniss," He spat furiously. "I'm not the stupid boy that I used to be. Why are you here? What do you want?

"I want you to get better. I want this war to end." She whispered softly. "I want you to live, Peeta. I want you to look at me the way you used to. I want you with me. Always."

Peeta froze and looked at her in confusion. "What if I can't give you that? What then?"

She smiled slightly, "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

For a second, a brief blessed moment something flared in his eyes. She couldn't say exactly what changed but for that instant, it was her Peeta looking back at her. Then, like a light gone out, it vanished and seething hatred took its place. "You're a liar. I know that now. You wouldn't know the truth if it punched you in the face." He began to pull against the restraints, his jaw visibly tightening as the metal bit into his bandage covered wrists. "You're a mutt. You've lied to me before just like you're lying to me now. I'd be a fool to trust anything that comes out of your mouth."

"I want you to get better, Peeta." She whispered. "Believe that if you don't believe anything else." A voice rang in her ear, demanding that she exit the room immediately. She stood up and walked backwards to the door, her eyes never straying from his face. He continued to test the restraints, an involuntary groan escaping as raw flesh objected to the harsh treatment. "I'll see you soon," she promised as she stepped through the door. The last thing she saw was light glinting off the sudden wetness that flooded his gaze as the door slid shut behind her.

Prim caught up with her as she wandered aimlessly down the hallway with the earpiece clutched tightly in her hand. "Are you okay?" She questioned.

Katniss let the tiniest of smiles curl up the edges of her mouth. "No. I'm not okay, little duck. Not yet. But I will be." The smile broadened as she opened her hand and ran a finger gently over the object held there. Prim looked closer and gasped as she realized it wasn't the earpiece after all. It was the pearl…Peeta's pearl. She looked up into her sister's steady gray eyes. What she saw there made her breath catch. They held a look that Prim hadn't seen since Katniss had returned from the Games broken and bereft. She smiled inwardly as she hooked an arm through her big sister's and rested her head on Katniss' shoulder. For the first time Prim felt the first stirrings of that elusive emotion that had left her the minute her sister had volunteered to take her place in the Games. She felt hope.

End Part 2


	3. The Girl in the Red Dress

 

Chapter 3: The Girl in the Red Dress

Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul."

She woke up from a dream that she could only vaguely remember. The images faded as dreams tend to but the feelings remained. She remembered one other time waking with this sense of contentment. It was as out-of-place then as now. The common thread running between the two was Peeta. She clung to the momentary flicker that had been present in his eyes during her visit. Hope flared hot and hungrily in her chest. He wasn't gone, not completely.

She tossed aside the thin blanket and gingerly lowered her feet to the floor. She hissed as they made contact with the chilly tiles. No matter how she adjusted the thermostat before lying down, the floor was like ice come morning. Tiptoeing and practically skipping across the bare expanse, she grabbed the neatly folded socks from the top of her boots and yanked them on. Mindlessly pulling random clothes from the drawer, she dressed and then slid her arm into the slot to receive her schedule for the day. The ink burned with a cold heat as it embedded itself into the flesh of her forearm. A warm blast of air finished the process. She withdrew her arm and glanced at it. She paused and looked closer, not trusting what her eyes were telling her. After breakfast at 7:30am, there was nothing except a pale expanse of skin. Nothing.

Katniss' confusion was clear as she looked from her arm to the silent expanse of wall. There were no answers to be had here. She knew of only one place where they might be. The nerve center of Thirteen was Command, a sealed bunker at the lowest accessible level of the massive complex. She had only been there a few times before, the last during Peeta's ill-fated interview. She fully expected Coin to be less than thrilled to see her after her refusal to leave the district. Katniss was well aware that the discussion was far from over. Coin wasn't used to not getting her way. If she wanted Katniss gone, she would stop at nothing to make that happen. It was up to Katniss to change her mind.

The guards stiffened at her approach, hands darting to weapons held loosely at their sides. One held up a hand while he tapped furiously at a communicuff strapped to his wrist. His eyes widened at the beeped response. He pressed a random code into the recessed pad by the door and gestured for her to enter. She smiled her thanks and made her way inside.

"Hello there, sweetheart," a well-remembered voice greeted her mockingly. "Nice of you to finally join us."

She gave her former mentor a baleful glare and retorted, "Nobody told me I had to be here, Haymitch." She held up her mostly bare forearm for his inspection. "I thought this might be a mistake. That's why I came here."

Haymitch cracked a smile, one of the first she had seen from him. As he opened his mouth, Coin's voice leapt into the void. "Miss Everdeen, it is about time that you joined us. I've been listening to your supporters plead your case all morning. All of them question the wisdom of my decision to send you to one of the outlying districts. They seem to think that any attempt to separate you from Mr. Mellark will be seen as something akin to Snow's actions. I've been told it would be cruel and unpardonable even though it's obvious that he is unsalvageable. I've read the reports." Katniss stopped short and gave the President a look of extreme dislike. Coin smiled thinly. "He doesn't love you anymore, Mockingjay. He's gone and no amount of therapy can change that."

"You're wrong," the whisper dropped from her lips without her realizing it. "He's not gone. I've seen it."

Coin's smile faltered and her gaze turned to steel. "You've seen what you want to, you foolish girl. I've allowed this to continue long enough. We brought you here to give us a rally point. You've fulfilled that role beyond our greatest expectations. Now you will help us finish this. I've decided to send you to the Capitol."

Katniss felt her jaw tighten. Like hell would she go meekly to the Capitol. "I don't think that I will. You're wrong, President Coin, about everything. He's not what he was. I'll give you that. Who would be after what he's been through? But he's not unsalvageable. He's still in there."

"Miss Everdeen, listen to what you're saying. You're letting attachment and dreams cloud your judgment. I've see the tape from yesterday's visit. They had to pull you out in less than five minutes. I've heard from Plutarch and Beetee about the hijacking method. No one has ever recovered from it. Most kill themselves within the six months. Is that what you want? You could stay here and continue to believe this farcical treatment will somehow magically roll back the clock only to watch him die in the end. Or you could do some good. No, don't say it. I can see the answer written all over your face." Coin paused for breath. "You may choose to waste your time on a fairy tale but I do not. You are a valuable resource that the Rebellion can't afford to waste. You will go to the Capitol."

"No, I won't," Katniss gritted out through clenched teeth. "I agreed to be your Mockingjay and as far as I'm concerned I've done that." Her gaze marked out each person sitting around the table and made a mental note of those gazes that slid aside when they noticed her look. More returned it than she had anticipated but there were still a few that didn't. Katniss let out a breath to calm her frayed nerves. "You want to be seen as the opposite of Snow. You want the rest of the world to believe you when you say you can offer something better. That's a fine goal but if you do this then you've already broken your word. So what if nobody has ever recovered from hijacking. They aren't Peeta. He's managed against the odds his whole life. His witch of a mother should have broken him or at least turned him into something like her. She failed. The Games should have twisted all the goodness and selflessness into something ugly but it didn't. I told him that everything he thought was good, true, and real between us was nothing but a ploy to get us out alive. He should have walked away from me then without a second glance but he didn't. You say it's never been done. I say if it can be done then Peeta will find a way. And I'm going to be there for every minute of it."

A flash in the President's gaze betrayed her anger. It was a flicker of lightning looking for a place to go to ground. She leaned forward, resting palms heavily against the table surface as her eyes locked on the defiant girl. "He's a husk," she spat cruelly. "Snow cored him like an apple, girl. He told you right from his own mouth that he's not the same stupid boy. Stop acting like a child and face facts. He's damaged at best and will be dead before the year is out at the worst. You will go to the Capitol. That is my last word on the subject."

"No, I won't." Katniss enunciated each syllable slowly and distinctly. She mirrored the President's posture exactly. The two of them stood motionless as both refused to back down. The air in the room grew thick and heavy as the others looked from one to the other. Naturally, it was Haymitch who broke the staring contest and therefore, the tension.

"Now you have a glimpse of what I had to deal with through two Arenas and a Victory Tour," he muttered casually. The resulting laughter was louder than the remark deserved. Haymitch gave Katniss a crooked grin and gestured for her to take her seat. He then turned his attention to Coin. "We all want to finish this as quickly as possible. You're right to demand that sweetheart here live up to her end of the bargain. For some reason, people respond to her. I don't understand it myself. She's a pain in the ass and won't listen to reason even when it beats her over the head. That aside, she appeals to people from Eleven as much as the residents of the Capitol. That ain't going to be easy to replace." Katniss opened her mouth but closed it again at a quelling look from her mentor. "It's not just her that they respond to. The boy is just as important. The districts know that he was tortured now. They saw it live during the last interview. They know that we managed to bring him and the others out alive. If we leave it at that, sooner or later somebody is going to start asking questions. You want to be different from Snow, here's your chance." Haymitch warmed to his topic, stopping only to take a sip from the glass in front of him. A grimace and shudder said that the contents weren't to his liking. "Show them what Snow did to the boy and that you are doing everything to reverse it. Let them see you in action. Prove it to them before they can question your motives."

Dr. Aurelius chimed in, "We are attempting to do what has never been done, Madame President. Any chance of success depends on him responding to the treatment. Even though she was removed from the room soon after entering, it is already abundantly clear that the patient will respond to her presence. We believe that a graduated dosage of the morphling coupled with exposure to her presence will undo much of Mr. Mellark's conditioning. It's a novel approach but I'm reasonably confident that we will see results."

Boggs tapped his fingers against the desk and spoke up, "A lot of people are already wondering about him, Alma. I've fielded questions from soldiers and civilians alike. We need to make some sort of statement soon and it needs to be more than vague reassurances. The Capitol put him front and center only when Snow deemed it necessary. We need to take a different tack. I agree with Abernathy on this one. Let's show them that we mean what we say."

Coin was obviously furious as she looked from one face to the other. Their calm, rational approach forced her to give it serious thought and not casually sweep them aside. Her brow furrowed and her fist opened and closed repeatedly as she mulled it over. Finally, she raised her gaze and speared each one of them with a look. "I'll agree to this but I have a few stipulations. She can stay for now. Plutarch will be given access to the treatments so that we can show the world we haven't written Mr. Mellark off as a lost cause. Katniss will agree to interviews on his status and hers when requested." She paused and a satisfied smirk wormed its way on her face. "She can go into the room with him only if the cameras are running. You wanted full disclosure then that is exactly what you will get. We show everything or we show nothing. Do we have an agreement?"

Katniss blanched at the thought of being under the camera's all seeing eye. They would show every detail, every precious second. She hesitated knowing that saying no meant she would be forced to leave him yet again. Still she paused. He would hate it. He wouldn't want them to see him as he was. She pushed that aside along with her own misgivings. If he was going to get better, he had to have treatment. She silently nodded her assent and mentally cursed the woman smiling back at her.

"Excellent," Coin purred. "Some good might come from this mess after all. I think that we will begin immediately. Go and make yourselves ready. I'll send Plutarch and his crew down to medical after I've apprised him of the situation."

Katniss headed for the doors immediately but stopped when she felt a hand on her arm. She looked up and met her mentor's serious gray-eyed gaze. "He would hate this, Haymitch. You know it as well as I do."

The old man grunted and pulled her with him out into the corridor. "He would hate it but if agreeing was what it would take to get you better, he'd do it in a minute. It's his best chance, sweetheart. We've got him out of the Capitol now we have to work on getting him back." He stopped and pulled her into an alcove, his hand biting painfully into her elbow. "You know that he may only get some better. He won't ever be the way he was before. You know that, right?"

"I know that," she replied softly. "I also know that we have to try. I won't give up on him, Haymitch. He wouldn't give up on me."

"All right then," he said with a trace of his old fire. "Should have known you'd be bull-headed about this. You don't know any other way to be. Let's get this show on the road."

He plodded off and Katniss grinned to herself as she trailed after him. The world as they knew it had been turned on its head. Twelve was gone and Peeta had been put through hell. They lived in a place that hadn't been seen or heard from in over seventy-five years. With all that had changed, Haymitch stayed the same. She laughed at that thought, took comfort in it. Heart just a bit lighter, she headed for the medical bay.

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Plutarch looked uncomfortable as he relayed Coin's latest dictates. "I'm afraid that this is not negotiable. She was very clear on that. The object of this first series is to show what they are up against—the long road to recovery if you will. We will show his reaction to certain selected scenes from their Games then we will pan to her to get her response. She won't be allowed in the room with him this time. We have to set the scene and get the audience invested. After two or three of these lead-ins, they will be primed for a reunion. You should know that we have footage from the first meeting that will be incorporated into the propos. Coin wants to make sure that we show the full depth of Peeta's misfortune. That will garner more sympathy for our cause."

Katniss swallowed the fury of retorts that sprang to mind at the man's deliberately obtuse behavior. Plutarch was an expert at manipulating any given situation to a desired outcome. He was still a Head Gamesmaker despite defecting to the other side. The show was Plutarch's only priority. It would do well to remember that in the future. She tamped down her rising aggravation and took her place in the viewing gallery that looked out into Peeta's room. He had already been prepared before they brought her down. The IV was secured just above the soft restraints pulled tightly about his wrists. His ankles had received similar treatment. A large monitor had been wheeled into the room and faced the bed. She could see the signs of anxiety already present on his face as he glanced from Dr. Aurelius to the screen. Somebody toggled a switch and their voices flooded the room.

"Peeta, I want you to relax and let the morphling do its work. There is nothing to be afraid of. You won't be harmed in any way. Do you understand?" Wide blue eyes looked disbelieving but he hesitantly nodded his head. Dr. Aurelius gave him a reassuring smile. "That's very good. What we're going to do today is simple. You will be shown a series of images and videos from your Games as well as your Victory Tour. They will heavily feature your district partner, Miss Everdeen. You will be given the smallest dosage of morphling that we have deemed acceptable based on your body chemistry, height, and mass. It shouldn't do much more than take the edge off, Peeta. You will feel the effects of the tracker jacker venom. What we want is a baseline so that we can come up with a plan that will give us the result we want. Are you comfortable with that?"

His voice was raspy and broke on some syllables. Still, Katniss couldn't stop the smile that blossomed at hearing it again. "I guess I'll have to be," he said wryly with a trace of his old humor and charm. "Whatever you say, Doc. Let's just get this over."

Katniss looked questioningly at Prim who grimaced before answering, "He's getting just enough to feel the effects but not enough to dampen the hijacking induced rage. He's going to lose it, Katniss. It's not going to be pretty."

She felt her mouth drop open at this pronouncement. "How is that going to help him?" She questioned roughly. "You already have the footage of when he first got here to show what was done to him. Why does he have to be put through this?"

"Dr. Aurelius agreed to this course of action, Miss Everdeen. Instead of starting at the top and working backward, it was decided to start at the bottom. The morphling will be increased until we are convinced that he no longer presents a danger. It will be unpleasant for a while but the doctor feels optimistic that he will be able to find the proper range soon enough. It looks like they are ready to begin. Katniss, please take your place."

The monitor came to life just as she took her seat. She didn't recognize the scene at first until the view widened to show the rocky confines of the cave. The parachute lay forgotten on the floor as she pried open the bin to show a tin of soup. His attempt to feed himself was weak and disjointed. His illness was readily apparent to anyone watching. She lightly pushed his hands away and muttered that she would feed him. After that, he passively let her tend him like a child. His eyes rarely left her face as the bowl was slowly emptied. Katniss watched the boy sitting motionless in the bed instead of the screen. His hands fisted the blankets, his eyes narrow and tight as he watched the scene unfold. "I remember the first time I saw you," the words echoed through the speakers and just as loudly in her head as the memory pushed its way to the fore. "Your hair was in two braids instead of one. The teacher asked who knew the Valley Song and your hand shot straight up."

Katniss covered her ears with her hands and bent double as the images rolled through her mind. She wasn't prepared for the ocean of hurt and loss that swept over her. He had loved her then without question. She understood that now. Watching him as he watched them in the cave physically hurt. This wasn't a fond memory to him. Judging by the tightly clenched fist and the snarl unconsciously twisting his mouth, he was right on the edge of losing what little control he had left. Dr. Aurelius stopped the feed and questioned lightly, "What do you think about that, Peeta? What comes to mind?"

His fist tightened on the sheet and pulled it free from the mattress to clump messily around his hips. He visibly shook with a combination of rage and what appeared to be fear. "The soup made me sick. I couldn't keep it down. She laughed as I begged her to help me. She knows about herbs and medicine. She could have stopped it but she didn't." Aurelius nodded sagely and made a note on his pad. He then keyed the button to resume the vid.

It skipped ahead and took back up at the point where she regained consciousness after returning from the feast. He was still weak but seemed much better, his eyes no longer glassy with fever. "Don't ever try that again. You won't be doing me any favors. All right?" Katniss dropped her hands into her lap and stared fixedly at the monitor, knowing what came next. She mumbled some excuse on screen and he replied playfully, "Then I guess I'll just have to fill in the blanks myself." He scooted closer to her and she made no effort to move away. Just as their lips met in the first kiss that actually meant something to both, Aurelius paused the tape again.

"Well, Peeta. What do you think about that?" He asked carefully. The boy stared in disbelieving silence at the frozen image on-screen. The seconds ticked by like hours as he continued to look unblinking at the sight of them twined together. He shook his head and pressed his hands tightly against his eyes. His body shook as wave after wave of shivers wracked his limbs. The restraints groaned as he curled into a knot in the center of the bed. Dr. Aurelius took another step backward and made some more notes on the page. When the explosion came, it took them all by surprise.

"That didn't happen," Peeta spat furiously. "This is just another way of fucking with me. I know what happened, Aurelius. That's not it. She didn't try to help me. She tried to kill me so that she could win and go home." He strained against the straps that held him firmly to the bed. The bandages about his wrists shaded crimson as the fragile skin beneath broke open and bled. He continued to scream epithets as his motions became more and more frantic. "She's a mutt. She tried to kill me. Why can't you assholes see that? She lies. That's all she does. Bring her in here and I'll break her damned neck. You hear me. I'll do it. I will." The muscles of his arms flexed noticeably against the restraints as he continued to jerk and twist against them. With a loud snap of metal, one let go. Peeta didn't seem to realize this. He stabbed a finger accusingly at the screen as he cursed both her and the medical team in turn.

The anger seemed to leave him as soon as it appeared. He collapsed on the bed with his free hand covering his eyes. The dry, wracking sobs that escaped him tore at her heart. She was on her feet and moving before she realized her intent. The guards blocked her from leaving. She backed away furiously, eyes sweeping the room for any other exit. There were none. The sound of his crying still echoed through the speakers. Her eyes flooded and flowed down her cheeks uncaring that the camera was capturing every second as she slid to the floor and buried her face in her hands. "That's enough," Haymitch barked. "You vultures got what you came for. Leave them be." She didn't look up as they shuffled outside. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she allowed herself to meet Haymitch's sympathetic gaze.

"Get me in there," she whispered. "Let me go to him. Please, Haymitch." Peeta's muffled sobs could still be heard dimly through the thick glass even though someone had disconnected the audio feed before leaving. Her head turned unconsciously toward the glass. She could still hear him. "Please," she whispered. "Let me go. I can't stay here when he's hurting. Let me see him."

Haymitch shook his head, a sheen of tears inexplicably visible in his usually stony gaze. "I can't, sweetheart. I wish I could but I can't."

"I can," Gale remarked softly from the door. "I'll get her in, Haymitch. You keep the rest of them out. I'll get her in and make sure that she's okay."

Haymitch nodded and squeezed her shoulder before climbing to his feet. "You watch her every second, boy. If he looks like he's going to hurt her, get her the hell out of there no matter what she says." Gale gave a short sharp nod and pulled a key ring from his pocket. Haymitch hoisted her to her feet and gave her a light shove in Gale's direction. "I mean it, girl. If he makes the slightest attempt to hurt you, get the hell out. Coin will have our heads as it is."

"I will," she said reassuringly. "I'll be careful. Go on, Haymitch. Gale will be there with me." The old man muttered under his breath as he left the room. Katniss shook her head as the words liquor and foolhardy were clearly heard. She put him out of her mind and looked expectantly at Gale. "Let's go," she said eagerly.

Her best friend rolled his eyes but unlimbered a key and toggled the lock on the nearby room followed by a four digit code. The door cycled and with a hiss of outgoing air, slid open. She stepped cautiously inside, but paused to grab his hand. "Thank you," she quietly uttered. "Thanks for doing this. It means a lot." He squeezed her fingers and nodded once, a funny little smile turning up the edges of his mouth.

"I said I'd help you, Catnip. I meant it." He looked at the prone form still unaware of their presence. "I can't say that this is your brightest idea. Coin won't be happy when she finds out about this. Hell, she's not happy about much of anything these days. Go on. I'll be right here if you need me."

She walked quietly across the room; years of hunting made her consciously avoid anything to give her presence away before she was ready. She angled her approach toward the head of the bed. He still had restraints on one arm and both legs. He would be hard pressed to reach her before she could get clear. Drawing in a deep breath, she said his name softly. He turned as quickly as the restraints allowed and found her standing just a few feet from the bed. He instantly flipped on his back to keep her in view and opened his mouth to speak. The sight of her tear-reddened eyes seemed to confuse him because he stopped and stared at her for a full minute. The restraints gradually grew slack as he ceased to fight against them. Encouraged, she took a few steps closer and watched his face to see if he would allow it. When he remained silent, she edged still closer until only a few inches separated her from the bed.

Neither of them spoke. They continued to watch each other warily as the minutes passed. She saw his face begin to tighten and the straps grow taut once more. Mind racing, she could think of only one thing that might give her a little more time. The first words came as a breathy whisper; the notes falling between them like leaves. He stared at her as she sang and she watched him intently in turn.

Deep in the meadow under the willow. The song she sang to Prim and then to Rue flowed into the silence and stayed. A bed of grass a soft green pillow. His eyes locked on hers and didn't move away. The edge of madness slowly faded as did the tight hold of the restraints. He relaxed against the mattress and listened as she sang. Lay down your head and close your sleepy eyes. When you awake the sun will rise. It was a childish promise of peace that seemed out-of-place here amid Thirteen's dull, dank corridors. Still, it was the best she had and she gave it freely. Here it's safe. Here it's warm. Here the daisies guard you from every harm. She moved to the top of the bed and gently slid her fingers into his tangled waves. He shuddered lightly at her touch but didn't move away. The straps remained slack and his eyes closed at her tentative touch. Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true. Here is the place where I love you.

One hand found its way to his cheek and felt warmth as new tears gathered in the corner of his eyes and overflowed. She wiped them away carefully with her thumb and continued to hum gently under her breath. Her head came to rest on the pillow beside his.

"You came," he murmured softly. "You came."

"Of course I did," she muttered back. "We protect each other. I'll always be here if you need me, Peeta, no matter what."

He turned to face her, their noses almost touching as they lay side by side on the pillow. "Will you stay until I go to sleep? Maybe sing if it starts to get bad again?" He sounded so young and alone that it broke her heart. There was nothing to be afraid of here. It was her Peeta looking back at her now.

"Okay," she whispered. "I'll stay." The blue eyes boring into hers crinkled at the edges as a tiny smile curved up the edges his mouth. She smiled back and gently pushed his bangs aside. "As long as you want me to."

"Always," he sighed as his eyes finally slid shut. "Forever and always."

"Then forever and always it is," she answered softly and watched as he fell asleep.

End Part 3…..


	4. Double Knotted Laces

 

Chapter 4: Double Knotted Laces

Gale's wrist was suspiciously bare when he came for Katniss the next morning. She eyed him as she attempted to gauge his mood. He didn't seem upset. He usually wore his emotions for the world to see but today his face was an impenetrable mask. When she could no longer bear the silence she burst out, "What happened? Where is your communicuff?"

Gale actually smiled at her and rubbed a hand over his wrist before answering, "Punishment for sneaking you into Peeta's room. Coin felt that I needed to be shown exactly how replaceable I am." He shrugged lightly. "She's just trying to show me whose boss. She'll get over it."

Katniss put a hand on his arm and turned into a cross corridor, pulling him with her. "Listen to me," she muttered. "I appreciate everything that you're doing but don't make her mad." She met his gaze with a somber look of her own. "You need to think about Hazelle and the kids. They are safe here, Gale. They have enough to eat and a warm place to sleep. Don't jeopardize that for me." He put a companionable arm around her shoulders and led her back into the main corridor. She let him guide her a few steps before shrugging her way free. "I'm serious," she bit out. "Don't take chances on my account. It's not worth it. I can take care of myself."

Gale shot her a look that was half frustrated/half amused. "Katniss, its okay to have help now and then. You can't do it all alone." He grinned suddenly. "Besides, Coin thinks without me, you won't have such an easy time of it. If she controls your access, it gives her the upper hand."

Now it was Katniss' turn to smile. "She's right. This is her way of warning me off. Too bad for her that I don't back down that easily."

Gale laughed, reaching out to hit the door release. "I could have told her that."

Katniss couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped her. However, the teasing comment died unspoken on her lips as they entered the corridor containing the viewing/treatment rooms. Instead of being filled with techs and the film crew that Coin had force upon them, it was still and silent. She turned to Gale, brows raised inquiringly. He appeared just as shocked as she was. "Where are they? Prim said that they were following the same script as before. Did you hear of anything being changed?" He shook his head and reached for his wrist by rote before grimacing as he realized the communicuff was no longer there. Katniss cursed softly and turned on her heel to retrace her steps. "Let's go see Aurelius. He'll be able to tell us what's going on."

They found his office deserted; the same when they checked the wing where Peeta was usually housed. Each dead-end made the knot in her stomach twist tighter. She had a bad feeling that something important had happened; something she should have foreseen. Damn Coin. The woman was furious that Katniss had gone into the room against orders. Instead of openly voicing her displeasure, she had made it obvious in other ways that left no doubt about what her feelings were. Prim's role on the medical team had been scaled back to viewing the recordings and writing out a report that she submitted to Dr. Aurelius. Gale lost his communicuff. Haymitch had been left out of the last strategy session. The President had made her play. The line in the sand was clear.

On a hunch, Gale headed for the main medical area with a fuming Katniss trailing behind. "You said it yourself, Catnip. She's calling the shots. If she can, she'll find a way to get what she wants or fix it to where she comes out ahead. We just have to figure out what game she's playing then we'll decide what our next move is."

Katniss gave him a steely eyed look that took him back for a second. He had never seen such unforgiving anger. "I don't care about her games. I've already agreed to as many of her terms as I'm going to. This has nothing to do with our agreement, Gale. It's more than that. "

They pushed into the triage area of Thirteen's medical corridor. The Spartan conditions were even more clear here than the rest of the massive complex. The walls, floor and furniture were varying shades of white and gray. Unlike the other hallways, this one practically teemed with activity and life. The first one to catch a glimpse of them was Plutarch's assistant, Fulvia. She had been present during the last few meetings Katniss attended and seemed to be second in rank only to Plutarch himself among the Capitol expatriates.

"Katniss," Fulvia's effusive greeting took her by surprise. "We were going to bring you down as soon as the doctors finish up. We wanted to get your thoughts on the procedure and how he will be affected by it."

Katniss exchanged a confused glance with Gale. "Procedure?" Katniss questioned. "Did something happen with Peeta? Where is he?"

Fulvia's eyes widened and she darted a quick glance toward Gale before her eyes met Katniss' once more. "He's having surgery now. The doctors finished their assessments on his leg last night. The limb isn't salvageable. There was much damage done to not only the musculature but also the nerves that were integrated into the prosthetic. The only way to treat him and make sure that he keeps the rest of his leg is to remove it and give his body time to heal. He will be fitted with a replacement but it will be a simplified version and not what he has. Once he's had time to heal, the doctors will look at other alternatives. "

Katniss felt her mouth drop open but no sound escaped. She turned pleading eyes on Gale in a vain hope that he would tell her she had heard wrong. Instead, he wore the same look of angry disbelief that painted her features. "Fulvia, did he agree to that? Does Haymitch know? Why didn't somebody tell me?"

Fulvia clutched her notepad to her chest as she looked from one to the other. Realization dawned on her face as she realized her mistake. "Katniss," she stammered. "I was told you knew what was going on but didn't want to come down until it was over. You had a difficult time dealing with his distress during the last session so the doctors wanted to spare you as much as possible." Katniss' expression hardened as the woman continued. "He didn't agree to the removal. He told them flat-out that he didn't want anything done. Dr. Aurelius spoke with him at length about what it would mean but he was adamant. We were told that it had been discussed with Haymitch and you and that you both decided to overrule Peeta's wishes in this case. I must say that the decision to remove the prosthesis is for the best. Had it stayed on, he ran the risk of losing the rest of his real limb. The damage was extensive. There were still misfires in the grafts linking it to his nervous system. It caused him a bit of pain. With the prosthesis gone, he can heal. I'm sure after a suitable recovery period, something can be worked out."

Katniss felt a rush of hot tears well up and angrily pushed them aside. She couldn't hide the tremor in her voice when she spoke next. "So they're going to take his leg and tell him Haymitch and I are responsible. Is that the plan?" She stepped closer to the woman and dropped her voice to a whisper, "You people make me sick. Capitol or Thirteen, it's all the same. We're just things to you, not people." She laughed quietly, harshly. "We should have just eaten the damned berries. Anything would be better than this."

Fulvia's jaw dropped, her mouth working silently. She held up a hand to stay them as Katniss turned roughly away with Gale following. "Wait," she finally got out. "Katniss, wait. You don't understand. It had to be done."

She stopped in her tracks and spun to face the woman. Taking a few hasty steps, she grabbed Fulvia by the collar and shoved her against the wall. "It's not your call. It's not mine. It's his. If he said no, then that was the end of it. You damned people never let that get in your way. You just decide what was best for rest of us. Never mind what we want or need. It's all about what you decide. Even now."

Fulvia shook her head. "That's not what happened. The doctors examined him. They made the decision. They determined the best course of action. Please, you have to believe me."

Katniss paused, her eyes now red-rimmed and brimming with unshed tears. "So Coin had no say? She wasn't involved at all. Do you expect me to believe that?" Fulvia visibly withdrew, her eyes trying and failing to meet the cold gray ones boring into hers. "That's what I thought," Katniss snarled. "She decided, didn't she?"

"I believe that President Coin was present during the meeting as was Dr. Aurelius and Haymitch Abernathy." Fulvia confided. "We received a summary of the meeting notes as well as a notice that today's sessions would be rescheduled due to Peeta's surgery. The verbiage was quite clear that Peeta had declined any and all treatment for his leg. Dr. Aurelius, as I said, spoke with him at length. The President questioned Dr. Aurelius very closely as to whether or not Peeta was considered mentally stable enough to make decisions about his care. While he felt confident that Peeta knew what he was asking, Dr. Aurelius stated unequivocally that he disagreed with Peeta's decision. President Coin then asked Haymitch how they should proceed. I believe that it was he who gave consent to go ahead. As I stated, we were led to believe that you were aware of what was going on, had agreed with the course of action, and would be coming down once it was complete."

Katniss felt numb, unable to understand what Fulvia was telling her. Haymitch had decided? He knowingly chose to go against what Peeta wanted? He stood aside and let Coin imply that Katniss not only knew what was going on but agreed with it. Anger flared up as the reality of the situation became clear. "Fulvia, where is Haymitch now?"

The woman lifted a hand to gesture toward a door just down the corridor. "He and Plutarch are waiting in the surgical waiting room for an update on Peeta's condition. Do you want me to let him know you're here?"

Katniss smiled tightly and headed for the indicated door. "I think I'll let him know myself. Thanks for your help." She walked determinedly toward the door with Gale silently keeping pace. She appreciated the gesture because her racing mind already had enough to process. Haymitch knew and didn't tell her. The spark of anger blazed hotter as she pushed into the waiting area to find her mentor already wearing a familiar smirk. "Damn it, Haymitch, how could you do it?" She exploded. "Do you know what he'll do when he wakes up? He won't understand this and you know it. He'll never trust us again."

Haymitch leaned casually back in his chair and eyed her. His eyes hardened to slate but his smile never faltered. "Come on in, sweetheart. They should be down any minute to let us know how it went. While we're waiting, Plutarch has some news from the Capitol that you might be interested in hearing."

Plutarch looked warily from one to the other. He seemed to be weighing his options judging by the way he lifted halfway from his chair only to drop back into it at the last second. He eyed Gale briefly, then gave an unconscious shrug and eased further back into his seat. "That is true. We just received word that the last holdouts in District One have surrendered. That means that only District Two remains to be pacified. Once that happens, the Capitol will be defenseless. Supplies are already at critical levels in much of the city. Once Two is ours, the Capitol will be at our mercy. We were going to wait until Peeta has been moved to Recovery before letting the rest of the Council know. Coin will want to move quickly now that we finally have the momentum in our favor."

Haymitch nodded amiably. "She's got Snow on the run and the temptation will be to press that advantage for all that its worth. She's made no secret that she wants to give the Rebellion a Victor's face. You, the boy, Finnick, and Johanna have been central to her plans almost from the moment that Thirteen decided to side with the rest of the Districts. Familiar faces will keep the populace in check until she can consolidate her hold. The boy's status keeps him out of it for now. Johanna's in pretty much the same boat. Finnick has bought himself a little time because of Annie. You managed to weasel free due to the fact that people expect you to stay here as long as Peeta is in the med ward."

Katniss waved that aside and demanded angrily, "That still doesn't explain why you went against what he wanted, Haymitch? You know what this is going to do to him."

Haymitch's lips curved up slightly. "You sound concerned. If I didn't know better, I'd almost swear you cared." He held up a placating hand as hers curled into fists at her side. "Easy now. Think about it. Even you should be able to work this one out. He's been doing better. He's not recovered by a long shot but he's making progress. Your agreement with Coin is only good so long as he needs treatment. That's it. Once he's back to his old self, there's nothing to stop Coin from sending both of you to the front lines. It's where she's wanted you all along. Johanna still needs some recovery time. Finnick is the only thing keeping Annie together now. So if she's going to have a Victor for the Districts to focus on, you two are her best bet. The boy's not ready and not just because of the hijacking. His leg was falling apart, Katniss. If I hadn't made the call, he would have lost the rest of it within the month. That's how bad it was. Taking the prosthetic was the only way to be sure that he would keep his leg. What would you have done?"

"I wouldn't have done it without telling him first. He's not going to forgive us for this." She muttered.

Haymitch grabbed her arm and led her to an unoccupied corner. "I'd rather have him healthy and mad at me then dead on some back road in Two. He didn't want them to take it because he's done, Katniss. He doesn't care anymore. Coin would have used that as an excuse to send you both off as soon as she could. Peeta couldn't see that or didn't care. I did what I had to."

Her woebegone expression betrayed her. "What do you mean he's done?"

Haymitch's face gave nothing away. His voice kept its mocking tone as he casually replied, "He's been through too much in too short of a time. The kid is one of the strongest people I know but everybody has their breaking point. He's not there yet but he thinks he is. He's not giving up but he's done. When that happens, all bets are off. He doesn't care anymore."

Katniss reeled as if struck, each word hitting her like a blow. "About himself or about anything?" The funny little shrug he gave in reply raised a lump in her throat. The idea was unthinkable. Her confidence in her plan to bring him back to the way he used to be was prefaced on the idea that he was still Peeta despite all that he had endured or faced. To be completely honest, she depended on the fact that he loved her despite Snow's attempts to sever that bond. She needed it like she needed food or air. To suddenly be faced with the possibility that it was already gone was heartbreaking. "I don't believe that. He's still there. I've seen it. I've felt it. I know it. You're wrong, Haymitch."

"I hope you're right, sweetheart." Haymitch muttered. "I only know what I see and now our boy has gone about as far as he can on his own."

She set her jaw and growled back, "Then we're going to stick to our original plan. You promised to help me. That's what you're going to do."

Haymitch grinned and patted her shoulder clumsily, "That's what I've tried to tell you all along, girl. Good to know you're paying attention."

She opened her mouth to reply only to close it again when a pair of green swathed figures made their way into the room. She recognized Dr. Aurelius but not the other. Haymitch knew both and muttered a curse under his breath before gesturing for her to follow. "Hey, Doc." He greeted. "What's the news?"

Dr. Aurelius gave them a welcoming smile and a searching look over the top of his glasses. "He came through it just fine. We were able to detach the limb with relative ease. The procedure was not as invasive as we first thought. The medicines brought from the Capitol were quite helpful. He should be ready for the new leg by the end of the week. Until then, I'd like for him to be kept quiet. We'll forego his other sessions for now to give him time to acclimate to the changes. All things considered, I believe that it was a great success."

Katniss reached instinctively for Haymitch's hand and gave her former mentor a genuine smile when he reached back. "When can I see him?" She blurted out. "How soon?" Haymitch's amused snort didn't register as she waited impatiently for Dr. Aurelius to answer. Even Gale wore a tiny smile just visible in the upward tilt of his lips.

Aurelius gave an embarrassed humph and adjusted his glasses before answering, "I'm afraid it will be a few days, Miss Everdeen. As I said, we will be discontinuing his other sessions. He will be given morphling to ease his discomfort but it would be harmful to stagger the dosage now. The surgery was a success and we fully expect for him to make a full recovery. It will take time for that to happen. We want to reduce stress on him as much as possible. I'm sorry, my dear, but that means that you must stay away for the time being."

Katniss nodded reluctantly and let go of Haymitch's hand. "If you think that's what he needs, then that is what we'll do. Just let me know how he's doing and when I will be allowed back in. I want to help in any way I can."

As she turned to go, Dr. Aurelius exchanged a few soft-spoken words with Haymitch. The man gave a snort of laughter and waved his hand expansively in a gesture worthy of Effie Trinket at her most theatrical. Aurelius' expression flickered awkward from amusement to confusion and back again. He shook his head briefly and his eyes sought Katniss' once more. "Miss Everdeen, there is something you can do. Something that I think will be very beneficial in Peeta's long-term care. Would you consider it?" When she nodded, he smiled ever so slightly and then continued. "It's important that we have a record of your interactions with Peeta. What I'd like for you to do is write anything that you think would be relevant. We have no way of knowing which memories that the Capitol targeted during the hijacking procedure. The only constant variable seems to be you and the time that you two spent together. We should be able to use that as a way to narrow our focus."

She unconsciously twined her hands together as she mulled over his request. "Would you need just the Games or everything?"

Aurelius clasped her shoulder in a supporting gesture. "As much as you can give me, Katniss. The Capitol wouldn't have stopped there. They probably went after anything and everything they could. Anything that you could give us would be helpful."

She gnawed on her bottom lip as she exchanged a look with both Gale and Haymitch. Neither spoke but both gave encouraging nods. "Okay," she whispered. "I'll do it." She walked toward the door and paused with her hand on the release. "Can somebody let me know when he wakes up?"

Dr. Aurelius, to everyone's surprise, spoke first. "I'll take care of it personally, Katniss. As soon as he wakes up, I'll send word."

"Thank you," she murmured quietly. She took a hesitant step into the corridor and turned back. "You promise? You'll let me know?"

Aurelius nodded. "I will. You have my word."

She gave him an uncertain smile and ducked out the door. Aurelius quirked a questioning brow at Haymitch as he observed, "This is the most extraordinary case I've ever worked on. The two of them are a fascinating pair. I don't think I've ever seen two people more devoted or emotionally involved. It's really quite remarkable." When he received no response, Dr. Aurelius shrugged and dusted his hands together absently. "I'm due back on the ward. If there is any change, I'll send word immediately." He gave them a small nod accompanied by a tight smile before leaving as quickly as he had come.

Gale tossed Haymitch a glance. "Will he be alright?" Gale probed.

Haymitch gave a noncommittal shrug. "Won't know until he wakes up. Doc seems to think he will be. That's the best answer we'll get right now." He tossed out a grin. "You did good by getting her through the door. She'll take that from you. Make sure you keep it up."

Gale gave a shrug of his own, "I promised I'd help her. I meant it."

Haymitch saluted him with an imaginary flask. "So did I, kid. So did I. Just make sure you keep it." That said, the man slouched back into his chair and didn't speak again. Gale shook his head and then found a chair of his own.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX

She waited impatiently for the summons. Dr. Aurelius had promised to let her in as soon as he deemed it possible. Eleven days had passed and she had yet to hear a word. Even Prim grew tired of her entreating looks. "Katniss, if I knew anything I would tell you. He's awake. They've given him a conventional leg to take the place of the old one. He's handling it well but it's going to be hard for him until he gets used to it. Give it a few more days." That had been Prim's constant refrain for the last week. It had taken on the tone of something said by rote with no real thought behind it anymore. She was as tired of saying it as Katniss was of hearing it.

On the thirteenth day, the summons finally came. She hurried down the corridor with her guards in tow. Coin had taken it upon herself to make sure that Katniss abided by the no contact rule implicitly. Every time she left her quarters, she had a pair of shadows trailing behind. Haymitch attempted to intervene but was told in no uncertain terms that the escort was for the Mockingjay's protection and wouldn't be lifted under any circumstances. She was tempted to fall back on the habits born of those first desperate weeks in Thirteen when she disregarded the purple ink tattooed on her forearm and instead made for one of her carefully chosen hiding places. This time, she complied with Coin's rules to the letter even though she wasn't happy about it. She didn't dare step too far out of line. Not until she had seen Peeta.

It looked like that chance had finally arrived. Aurelius sent word for her to come to the viewing/treatment rooms that had been used prior to Peeta's surgery. Her two chaperones dogged her footsteps as she made her way swiftly down the corridor. She keyed the door and practically leaped through when it slid aside. Fulvia and Cressida, the director of Plutarch's propos, glanced up at her entrance and smiled a greeting. Prim laughed softly from where she stood by the window and then turned her attention back to the glass. Katniss immediately headed for her sister, tuning out the sound of the crew getting ready to film. She stepped to Prim's side and flattened her palms against the glass. Catching sight of a familiar blond head, she let out the breath she had been unconsciously holding in one long exhale.

He had worked hard if the sweat dampened curls sticking to his forehead and the wet patches in the middle of his back were anything to go by. He wasn't quite steady on his feet. She could see the slight hitch in his step and the exaggerated motion of his hip as he maneuvered the new leg. This one consisted of a cradle like apparatus that fit snuggly over his stump. A steel rod ran from the base of the cradle to the foot. Unlike the one he had received after the games, this one did not have full range of motion. She could tell from the stiff way he moved that he wasn't entirely comfortable with it. The therapist gave him an encouraging nod and motioned toward the treadmill in the corner. Peeta grimaced but went obediently to the machine and stepped carefully aboard. The woman allowed him to get settled then hit the switch to activate the machine. She toggled a dial to adjust the speed, watching his gait for any sign of strain or discomfort. Whatever he said in reply caused the woman to blink in response then burst out laughing. She patted his shoulder and then moved away. He continued at a steady pace, occasionally fidgeting with the leg when he made an awkward step.

"Katniss, you can go in if you want," Prim murmured and elbowed her gently in the ribs when she failed to respond. Katniss shot a confirming look toward the others and was gratified when they waved her on. She blew out a breath and made her way to the adjoining door. It swung open easily at her touch. She stepped through; giving the therapist a tiny nod by way of greeting before turning her attention to the room's other occupant who was still unaware of her presence. "You're doing great," she commented quietly.

His head came around swiftly at the sound of her voice, almost stumbling in his haste. "What are you doing here?" He panted. "They told me that you were busy. That's why you hadn't been around."

Katniss scowled, not noticing the grin that quirked his lips in response. "They wouldn't let me in before today. They wanted to give you time. I'd have been here the first day if they'd let me. Just so you know."

"Would you now?" He mused, the grin taking on a dubious cast. "I heard that they are moving large groups into Two to take down the defenses. I thought that you'd decided to go there."

Katniss shook her head slowly, her eyes never leaving his. "I told you I wasn't going anywhere. They are sending people to Two. Gale left with a group five days ago."

"Did he?" Peeta queried. "And you didn't go with him? I'm shocked."

Her brow furrowed at the brittle brightness in his tone. She took a few steps closer and dropped into a nearby chair. "Sorry to disappoint you. I told you that I was staying here. I never gave you any reason to think I was leaving with Gale. I don't know why you thought that I would."

He gave his head a slight shake and looked intently at his feet. "You didn't. I just thought that you would want to get out of here as soon as you could."

She laughed quietly to herself. "Well you thought wrong. Sorry, Peeta. You're stuck with me. Get used to it."

He stumbled and then caught himself with a muffled curse. Katniss raised her brows and laughed again at the pink tint slowly climbing his cheeks. He hit a button on the console that stopped the machine and then stepped down gingerly. He dropped into a nearby chair and swiped his forehead with a towel taken from the seat. He looked at her for a long moment before grabbing a nearby bottle of water and taking a long swallow. He set the bottle on a nearby table and folded the towel into a neat square in his lap. "You're wasting your time, you know. I'm not him." At her confused look, he rolled his eyes and elaborated. "I told you before that I'm not the same stupid boy. I'm not. If you're hanging around waiting for him, you're wasting your time."

She met his taunting look with a steady one of her own. "I don't believe that," she returned. "And even if I am, it's my time to waste. You worry about getting better. I'll worry about how I spend my time."

Peeta let out a low laugh that sounded nothing like the one she remembered. This one had a bitter edge that didn't belong. It wasn't her Peeta. "I'm okay now. I know what I'm saying. You should go. Go to Two. Find Gale or whatever makes you happy. There's nothing here for you anymore, Katniss."

"Why are you trying so hard to get me to leave? What's going on, Peeta?" She questioned. "What does it matter if I'm here or in Two? What does it matter if I'm happy or not?"

He let out an exasperated sound and tried to push himself upright using the chair as leverage. He made it halfway before letting out another muffled oath and sinking back into the seat. Katniss watched as he edged his leg to the side and bent at the waist. A huff of annoyance escaped him as he slid his foot from side to side but could seem to find one that satisfied him. Glancing at his foot, she saw the problem. The lace on his shoe had unraveled and lay in a tangled heap. Try as he might, he was unable to grasp the strings. He could easily reach them if he removed the leg but clearly the idea hadn't crossed his mind. She watched in silence as he grew more and more frustrated. To her surprise, he covered his eyes with his hands and leaned back in the chair. She heard his breath hitch as he fought back a sob.

She slid out of her chair and made her way to where he sat. She put a gentle hand on his knee and entreated quietly, "Peeta, look at me. Please."

He flinched at the touch of her hand but didn't look at her. "I don't even know who I am anymore," he whispered.

Kneeling down, she deftly tied the laces and then knotted them again for good measure. "You're Peeta," she replied. "You're a baker and a painter. You don't like sugar in your tea. You sleep with the windows open." Looking up into wondering eyes, she smiled as she pulled the last knot tight. "You double knot your shoe laces."

Memory flickered in the war-torn blue of his eyes. One moment of connection with something that by rights should have been forever gone. "And I loved you once," he observed. "I loved you a lot."

"Yes, you did," she answered softly. "You loved me once."

"And you loved me?" his voice was tentative and unsure. She knew he had to be fighting memories that no doubt showed something quite different from hesitant question. She rocked back on her heels, studying the seemingly random twitches of his foot against the leg of his chair. Honesty, she decided, was the only road forward.

"Not then," she confessed. "Not in the same way. I didn't know how. But I knew that I couldn't let you go and that I'd never be the same if you weren't with me. I guess that's one kind of love isn't it?"

"What about now?" He questioned. "Do you love me now?"

She didn't answer directly. Words didn't come easily for her even now. So she replied the only way she knew. She sank to her knees on the floor before him and laid her head in his lap. She felt the swift intake of breath as she literally put herself into his hands. He could snap her neck if he chose and there wasn't a thing she could do to stop him. Instead, gentle fingers found her braid and toyed with the end. A sound half way between a sigh and a laugh escaped him. She smiled to hear it. Did she love him now? She had never understood love...an emotion that maimed as much as it healed. She didn't understand opening yourself up to a person so completely that they could destroy you with just a look. Here and now with her head in his lap, it started to become clear. It wasn't about winning or losing or even clearing away past debts. To love was to let another see you for who and what you really were. Peeta saw her in a way nobody else ever could. If that was love, then yes damn it...she loved him. And one way or another she would find a way to show him.

"You're going to be okay," she vowed. "Whatever it takes; however long it takes. You're going to be okay." The laugh that escaped him this time had more than a hint of tears in it. It broke her heart to hear it. Haymitch was right, damn him. Peeta had enough. Desperately she continued, "We only did it because it was the best thing, Peeta. You'll get better. It'll be hard but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

She felt his fingers tighten in her braid at the same time as the muscles of his thigh grew taut beneath her cheek. "What did you do, Katniss?"

She tried to lift her head but the pressure of his hands twined in her hair held her firmly in place. "Your leg," she confessed. "The doctors took your leg." The fingers clenched into fists, pulling a cry from her as the loose strands were roughly jerked. "Peeta, let me go." She bit out.

"You knew," he hissed as he used the braid to pull her upright. He slithered out of the chair and used his hold on her hair to yank her roughly to her feet. "What was the plan? Take me apart piece by piece. Cut me up like an animal." He kept one hand in her hair while the other grasped her chin and forced her to meet his furious gaze. "I knew you couldn't be trusted. You don't give a damn. This is just one more way fuck with my head."

"You're wrong, Peeta." She whispered. "More wrong than you know. Let me go. Please."

"I ought to break your damned neck," he returned. She felt a tremor work its way up her spine as she looked into his glazed eyes, the crystalline blue almost entirely swallowed by black. She could feel him slipping further away with each passing breath. "You took it all: my family, my home, my damned sanity. I don't fucking know who I am anymore. Are you happy now?" He pushed her against the wall, his body holding her firmly in place. "Are you?"

She mutely shook her head and watched his eyes follow the movement. She stayed still even though every instinct begged her to fight her way clear, to run. She ignored it just as she ignored the two guards that slid silently into the room. They couldn't cross the room fast enough to save her. It was a futile gesture. She put them out of her mind and focused on his face, trying desperately to think of a way to get through to him. She wet her lips before answering, "If this is what you need to get better, go ahead. I won't fight back. I won't even try. If that's what it takes, do what you need to do." She felt his fingers loosen slightly as he took a step back. "I won't hurt you. I never have and I never will. So go ahead. End it. I won't stop you."

He dropped his hands suddenly and backed away. The abruptness of it caught her completely off guard. He covered his face with his hands and sank to the floor. She took a few steps toward him but stopped as he raised his head. His eyes were red-rimmed, tears running in a continuous stream down his face. He made no move to stop them. "Let me go," he whispered brokenly. "Katniss, let me go."

She felt tears of her own well up and overflow. He sounded so broken and alone that it took everything she had not to fall apart. Instead, she took those last few steps and grasped his hands once more. She pulled him closer and tucked his head beneath her chin. Resting her cheek in his hair, she rocked him as she had rocked Prim once upon a time. The sound of his tears tapered off, the shaking gradually leaving him spent. Still she held him close, her body curved around his protectively.

"I can't," she murmured. "I won't."

End Chapter 4


	5. Open Windows

Chapter 5: Open Windows

Katniss let me go. I can't, I won't.

I'm going and you can't stop me. I can follow you.

Care about what Haymitch said. About staying alive. Okay. Thanks for the tip, sweetheart.

It always came down to a contest of wills. The unstoppable force meeting the immovable object. If she said yin, it was inevitable that he would say yang even if he gave in eventually and decided to do things her way. It was that part of him that she sometimes missed the most. Headstrong and stubborn. That was her summed up in two little words. Steady and strong. That's what the world perceived when they looked at him. They didn't know what she did; that he had a whole world locked away inside him only seen in fits and starts.

It was that inner fire that she was counting on to bring him back. Focused and intense. His inner sense of self daring anyone or anything to change who and what he was at the core. Snow had managed to warp and distort memories but couldn't alter the soul within. Peeta was and always would be her boy with the bread. She knew it like she knew her own name. He was still there. Sooner or later, everyone else would know it too.

Her steps were light as she made her way into the medical wing. Dr. Aurelius had given her leave to come and go at will. Even if he only caught a glimpse of her through the glass, Peeta had started smiling when she drew near. They still took precautions such as restraints and a guard on the door but it was up to her how close she got and how long she stayed.

At first, she kept it to a minimum, not wishing to cause him undue stress. That changed when Aurelius pointed out the only way to overcome the conditioning wrought by the hijacking was to show Peeta that she wouldn't hurt him. With that in mind, she showed up at the crack of dawn and left only when the nurses bade her to go. There were setbacks and moments when doubt crept in. There were also times when he looked at her, blue eyes shining from underneath a shock of unruly curls that her heart faltered in her chest. Little by little and bit by bit, they were growing back together.

She pushed through the big double doors and angled toward the high security corridor. The schedule tattooed on the inside of her forearm included a code that would pass her through the secured passageway. Pushing up her sleeve she held her arm beneath the sensor and waited for the lock to cycle but the light remained stubbornly red. She hissed in annoyance and tried again. The lock remained firmly in place. Katniss cursed softly and pushed her sleeve past her elbow to give the scanner an unimpeded view of the purple ink. Again, nothing.

A guard stepped out of the adjoining control room and walked purposefully toward her. "Miss, I'm afraid that this is a restricted area. You'll have to leave."

Katniss scowled at him, eyes bright with frustrated ire. "I know that. I've been down here every day for the last two weeks. I have a code but it isn't working." She held out her arm so he could easily see the row of stylized characters. He consulted his communicuff and gave her a tight smile.

"I'm sorry but your access has been revoked," he informed her. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave, Soldier Everdeen."

"What do you mean revoked?" She growled. "Dr. Aurelius said that I could come anytime I wanted. He's the one who set up the code. Call him."

The unnamed guard retained a tinge of embarrassment but shook his head nonetheless. "I'm afraid that won't do any good," he replied. "Calling him won't change anything."

"Of course it would," Katniss declared. "He'll tell you to let me in."

"I don't think so," his voice was apologetic but firm. "Dr. Aurelius revoked your access. If you have any concerns, you'll have to take it up with him. In the meantime, I'm afraid that you can't stay here."

She felt her jaw drop as the words sank in. Aurelius was responsible? He wouldn't let her see Peeta? Turning on her heel, she stalked back the way she had come only moments before. Aurelius had some explaining to do.

She finally located Aurelius in his office poring over a stack of files and hastily scribbled notes. He looked harried and tired, nothing like the first time she had seen him just few months ago. He peered over his steel-rimmed glasses with a tiny line furrowing his brow at the interruption. Catching sight of her, he sighed softly and motioned for her to enter.

"Come in, Katniss," he bade her. "I've expected you. Sit down and let me explain."

"You don't have to explain," she bit out. "Coin wants me out of the District and is using you to do her dirty work. I thought helping Peeta was more important to you than her agenda. I guess I was wrong."

Aurelius stared at her in astonishment before her words finally registered. Fury lit his gaze before he tamped it down. He didn't like being called on the carpet by a seventeen year old girl. Moreover, he didn't like having his motives questioned so brazenly. "I know your penchant for hasty speech so I'm going to recommend that you hold your tongue until you hear me out. I do have Peeta's best interests at heart but I am just as responsible for your safety as I am his mental state. I didn't do this without a great deal of forethought. You must trust my judgment, Katniss. It's the best thing for everyone involved, Peeta most of all."

"What good can come from keeping me away," she questioned harshly. "He's getting better. You said so yourself. What made you change your mind all of a sudden? After everything that's happened, I deserve to know what's going on. Trust me isn't going to cut it, Doc. I need to know what's happening and I want to know now." Her gray eyes softened to something that resembled pleading. "Please."

Aurelius pushed his glasses up to rub his eyes in a weary fashion. He shuffled the files until he found what he was looking for. Pulling out a sheaf of notes, he handed them to her and waited until she glanced at them before continuing. "Your sister has taken shifts on the night crew to document his sleeping patterns. For a while, it seemed like the morphling was successfully suppressing the effects of the venom. We've been able to gather a significant amount of data that will be instrumental to further study into the effects of augmented torture and the best methods of treatment. Peeta, unfortunately, has regressed over the past 24 hours. It was Prim who first noticed the change. He was more restless than usual so the nurses requested and was granted permission to administer a slightly higher than normal morphling dose trying to keep him calm. He broke out of his restraints and did a bit of damage to his room before they subdued him."

"What set him off," Katniss asked. "I remember that certain things bring on an episode more quickly. What was it this time?"

"He kept muttering about air and the room being too small. We had already noted that he can't tolerate enclosed spaces so we took precautions to avoid any unpleasantness on that front. He is being housed in a bay designed to hold up to six patients. The ceilings are exceptionally high for Thirteen. He managed quite well until last night."

Katniss shook her head at their ignorance. Surely they had considered what was so plain to her? "Dr. Aurelius, what does the room look like? Is everything white?"

He gave her a bemused look but gave an affirming nod. "It is. Why do you ask? Does this mean something to Peeta?"

Katniss' hands curled into involuntary fists as her breath left her in a rush. How could they be so stupid? "Johanna told me a bit about their time in the Capital. The cells where they were kept were white. The floors, walls, fixtures, everything was white. It's no wonder he was anxious. It must have felt like he was back in Snow's prison."

Aurelius looked stunned at her revelation. He fingered his chin thoughtfully as he turned the possibilities over in his mind. "That has to be it. I didn't know about the cells or I would have insisted that changes be made before we placed him in that room. It's amazing that he's lasted this long without an outburst. His control is impressive." He eyed her in a considering way. "That doesn't explain his other comments about air. We're fairly certain that was the first trigger that caused him to become agitated. Can you shed any light on why that would make him so upset?"

She felt a smile quirk up the edges of her mouth. Her mind flickered back to nights on a train and midnight wanderings. The solution had been relatively simple. She prayed it would be that easy this time around. "Does his room have a window or ventilation shaft?" Dr. Aurelius shook his head in confusion, drawing a quiet chuckle and rueful headshake from her. "Peeta sleeps with the windows open. He always has. He almost drove us crazy on the Victory Tour because the sleeper cars didn't have portholes like the others. He tried sleeping on the couch but couldn't get comfortable. He ended up roaming the train for most of the night. Most of that was due to the nightmares but not being able to open a window just added to the problem."

"I'm assuming that a fix was discovered," Aurelius observed. "This might be just what we need to get him back on track. Going without sleep worsens his symptoms from the hijacking. The lack of sleep has a reciprocal effect on the strength and intensity of his episodes. The less sleep he gets, the stronger the attack. How did he manage on the train?"

Katniss felt a blush heat her cheeks but resolutely plowed ahead despite her sudden urge to tuck the information inside herself and keep it for her own. "He slept with me. We protected each other from worst of the nightmares. We still had them but as long as he was there, I knew that I was safe. He would tell you the same thing. Being together on that train was the only thing that kept me going." She hesitated, memories swirling through her like a flood. She let them sweep her up and carry her forward, words coming easier as she concentrated on the memories and not the words. "One of the Avoxes on board overheard him saying how much easier it would be if he could just open a window. That night, a portable fan appeared in my compartment. We knew who was responsible but didn't draw attention to it. Peeta was skeptical because it was a poor substitute. We were both surprised when we slept through. I don't know if it was the fan or staying together through the worst of it that worked for him. I just know how much it helped me that he was there. I'd like to return the favor."

He peered at her, seemingly lost in thought. "I have to agree with you that it makes perfect sense. Deeply ingrained routines and self-comforting gestures will have to be completely mapped out. We need to know what his usual reaction speeds are so that we know we are headed in the right direction. Primrose has been instrumental thus far in helping us pinpoint quirks and traits that are inherent to him. I should be able to get a cooling unit for him. It won't be an exact match but it's better than nothing."

She sat forward eagerly, the question tripping over itself in her haste to get it out. "What about me? Will you let me in again?"

Aurelius pursed his lips thoughtfully as he mulled over her request. "I think it would be better for the time being to introduce one new variable at a time. We'll try the fan to see how he responds. If he shows improvement then we'll move on. He acts out violently and with very little warning. I need to be convinced that he's not a safety risk before I consent to allow you to go back in."

"Can I at least be in the observation room with Prim?" she entreated. "He won't know that I'm there but I might be able to help calm him down if he goes off again."

He steepled his fingers and gazed at her solemnly before giving an understanding smile. "I think that is an acceptable compromise. I'll alert the staff. Make sure that you come with Primrose during her scheduled shift. They won't let you in without her."

One corner of her mouth lifted into a wry grin. "Don't worry," she murmured. "If I've learned anything in the past year, it's how to be on time. I'll come down when Prim's ready. Thanks, Doc."

"It was my pleasure, Katniss," he returned and then watched as her retreating figure lost itself in Thirteen's maze of corridors. He didn't have the heart to tell her that if this plan failed then that was the end of it. Coin had declared that enough resources had been wasted on a lost cause. The President had written Peeta Mellark off as a casualty of war, one more tally added to Snow's already impressive resume. Aurelius found himself hoping that the boy responded to their last-ditch efforts to bring him back. The alternative was to side with Coin, something he couldn't bring himself to do. Not yet.

The set up was familiar but the faces were not. Thick panes of one-sided glass shielded the viewing room from the ward beyond. Prim took her customary place by the window and gestured toward an empty seat nearby. Katniss felt a smile surface at her little sister's preemptory gesture. For someone seen as delicate and fragile, Prim became another person when faced with sickness and injury. She took on a forceful, confident way that Katniss found hard to associate with her baby sister. She saw the same quiet strength and sense of purpose that their mother took on when a patient came to their door seeking aid. They were merciful angels with healing hands. Katniss felt that her own paled in comparison. Hers meted out death and spilled blood; theirs soothed and comforted. For a moment, she envied Prim. Peeta needed a healer, someone with a gentle touch and soft voice. He didn't need her, whose hands were callused and scarred and brought only pain and heartache.

She stifled those thoughts as she watched the night nurses go about their routine. He was settled into a low bed with soft sheets and a light blanket. Clad a gray t-shirt and loose pants, he willingly submitted to the soft restraints that were laced loosely around his wrists and ankles. He murmured something that the mike didn't catch but the nurse's returning smile showed that Peeta's charm hadn't deserted him completely. He pulled on the bands encircling his wrists and kicked his feet like a small boy. The restraints held firm but had enough slack in them to allow him some freedom of movement. Satisfied, the nurse flipped the off the lights and left the room. Peeta found a comfortable spot, curled up his knees as much as he could and closed his eyes.

She smiled and glanced down at her hands curled loosely in her lap. How many times had she seen him do exactly the same thing on the train and in the Training Center? Had his arms not been restrained, they would have been tucked under the pillow. It was good to see that some things hadn't changed. She saw Prim glance at the clock and make a notation on the chart in front of her. Prim seemed to feel her look because she looked up with a smile and murmured, "I keep a record of the timing. We track everything trying to figure out patterns or trends. The smallest detail can be important for his treatment. "

"Has there been much changed since you started observing him," Katniss asked hesitantly.

Prim visibly wavered before answering. She seemed to choose her words carefully. "There have been a few things that Dr. Aurelius wants to keep an eye on. We put EEG leads on him in the beginning to record brain activity. He was pretty cooperative for a while. Now, he rips them off even in the restraints. We think it has to do with resurfacing memories of what he went through in the Capital. We don't want to push him for fear of inciting an episode. That's why Dr. Aurelius wants a thorough record."

"I don't understand," Katniss frowned in confusion as she viewed the random multitude of dots and lines. "What is so important about recording what time they turn out the lights or when he goes to sleep?"

"It's a good gauge of his mental state and whether he's agitated. It also an indication of how severe the nightmares will be," Prim replied, giving her sister sideways glance from corner of her eye. Nightmares were something both of them were familiar with. Prim knew about the demons that hunted her sister since the Games. It was funny how time and circumstances had turned their lives into a gross parody of what came before. Now, Prim was the one who came out of the dark to whisper quietly and smooth sweat dampened hair back from flushed cheeks. She was the one who hummed a soft tune and stayed until weary eyes closed and sleep finally took over.

"How bad are they?" Katniss asked. "Dr. Aurelius said that he's gotten worse."

"He seems better tonight," Prim said with a smile. "They painted for most of the day and let him help. I think that helped him as much as anything. It's been difficult for him not being able to draw. I asked Dr. Aurelius for a sketch book and pencils for him but was denied."

Katniss reached out and clasped her sister's hand. "Thanks for trying."

"I want him to get better, Katniss. Not just for him but for you." Prim's expression turned wary but she continued unabated. "He's always so good and it's not right that he has to go through this. I want to help as much as I can even if that means sitting here night after night making dots on a piece of paper. I think that it will help him get back to himself." She smiled suddenly. "And to you."

Katniss turned her eyes back to the glass to avoid Prim's knowing look. He seemed to be resting comfortably despite the wrist and ankle bands. She supposed that he was used to them by now. It was funny how quickly a person could adjust when they had to. Peeta was no exception. She had gotten used to the cavernous hallways and vault like rooms of Thirteen. The sun on her face and the quiet murmur of the wind through pine boughs were a distant memory. The uniform corridors and harsh fluorescent light were home now. Twelve was gone. There was nothing there but ashes and ruins. No trace of anything familiar; nothing left to mourn.

She caught the gist of her meandering train of thought and clamped down on it ruthlessly. Peeta wasn't like Twelve. He was here and she had seen the proof that some things hadn't changed. That was what held her firm now and gave her hope. He was still fighting and so was she. This was one battle that she was determined to win. Come hell or high water, they would make it through this. She stared blindly though the glass, looking back instead of into the room.

She had woken up on the train shaking and trembling to find him already there, arms pulling her close with the comforting thud of his heart beating steadily under her ear. The night the Avox brought them the fan stood out like a beacon. Peeta examined it from every angle before setting it on the table on the side of the bed where he usually slept. "I guess it won't hurt to try," he'd grinned at her, teasing sparks lighting up his eyes. "I don't want you to be bothered by the noise, Katniss. Tell me if it does and I'll turn it off." She'd waved away his concerns and climbed into bed. He flipped the switch, filling the room with a gentle roar and light breeze. She couldn't miss the smile that edged up the corners of his mouth as he scrambled in next to her, pulled up his knees and then gathered her in. She remembered being surprised at how relaxed and at ease he seemed. She melted against him, her head finding its place above his heart. Neither of them had moved nor woken up until Effie banged on the door the next morning. Katniss shook herself, coming back to the present. She glanced at Prim and felt relief that her sister seem absorbed in her notes. Her reverie had gone unnoticed.

A sudden flurry of activity from the adjoining room drew her eyes toward the glass. He no longer rested quietly. She looked swiftly to Prim, taking in the narrowed eyes and furrowed brow. She made a swift note on the file in her lap and then turned to speak quietly to one of the nurses. "He's having a nightmare," she announced unnecessarily. "We have to head him off before it's too late."

"Let me go to him," Katniss leapt to her feet. "I can help. Let me go."

"Katniss," Prim cut her off. "Dr. Aurelius has rules about this should be handled. We can't break them. Wait and see. Perhaps he will make an exception."

Katniss made her way back to the window and watched as the two nurses from before entered the room accompanied by a couple of guards. Her palms flattened against the glass as they approached him cautiously. He twisted against the restraints, low mutters and stifled cries escaping him. He awoke suddenly and blinked as his breath caught on a sob. The nurses paused to give Peeta time to orient but the guards had no such reluctance. They spread apart, flanking the bed. He was still trapped in the dream or their sudden appearance startled him. As they drew closer, he exploded in a flurry of anger and madness.

The ankle restraints held firm but those around his wrists groaned as he strained against them. Muscles stood out beneath his t-shirt as he twisted and struggled. The bedframe creaked as he braced his feet and levered himself into a sitting position, blue eyes wild and feral. The first guard, a mild-mannered man named Keats, reached the bed first. He stopped short, hands upraised and spoke in a soothing tone. Peeta stilled, letting the restraints go slack. Recognition leaked into his eyes, the tense muscles of his shoulders visibly loosening underneath the thin shirt. The second named Gage, snorted under his breath and unlimbered his weapon. He held it one-handed as he angled toward Peeta, whose attention was still focused on Keats.

It wasn't clear what alerted him to the approaching guard but he moved with the speed of a striking snake. Gage's outstretched hand was grabbed in a firm grip and used to yank him forward into a vicious head butt. Peeta's wheat pale curls were smeared crimson by the blood leaking from Gage's nose. The weapon dropped from nerveless fingers as the man slumped forward. A swift movement wound the taut length that bound him to the bed around Gage's neck. He flexed his arm, wrapping the cord around his hand to tighten it further. Gage's breathing shortened to raspy wheezes as the rope bit deeper.

Nurses wailed for help while Keats continued to plead in his soft, quavering voice for Peeta to remember who he was. It was too late and he was too far gone. His feet found the frame at the bottom of the bed and pushed with all his strength. It was too much for the wrist shackles. The left one let go with a soft clink, pitching him forward and momentarily loosening his hold on Gage. Within seconds, he realized that he was free. He pulled Gage closer and set his grip more securely. Katniss' breath left her as she recognized the hold. Cato used it during their first Games to break a boy's neck. Peeta's savage expression bore a startling likeness to that monster. He wouldn't hesitate to kill Gage.

Chaos erupted in the viewing room as Aurelius and Haymitch Abernathy burst in and demanded an update. Haymitch took in the situation at a glance and then turned leaden eyes toward Katniss. "Sweetheart," he said softly. Katniss shook her head once and then again as she took in his meaning. Any doubt was quickly undone by the quartet of soldiers that followed President Coin into the room.

"I see that I was right," she remarked tonelessly. "We've let this travesty go on for far too long. This can't be allowed to continue. He's too dangerous. It's like keeping a rabid dog. You can never tell when it's going to turn. It's best to put it down as quickly and painlessly as possible." She gestured toward the soldiers at her back. "These men will carry out the task. If you don't wish to view it, you can leave now. I'll make sure that the remains are released to you so that the proper rites can be performed."

Katniss stared in disbelief, unwilling to accept what the President implied. Watch? Coin had just ordered Peeta to be slaughtered like a pig and then casually asked if they wanted to watch. The sick bitch was no better than Snow. She was moving before she realized her intent. Coin had just enough time to face her before Katniss was on her. People in the control room froze in disbelief at the sight of the Mockingjay with her hands wrapped firmly around the President's neck.

"Call them off," Katniss hissed in Coin's ear. "Tell them to stand down or I'll take your damned head." Prim's agonized cry rang in Katniss' ears but she didn't loosen her hold despite four guns now aimed in her direction. "Don't doubt me and don't think for one instant that I won't do it. He means more to me than ten of you, you sick fuck. He's been through hell and I'll be damned if I'll let you cause him one more minute of pain. Call them off."

Coin waved the men down and then shouted, "Do as she says." The soldiers lowered their guns to the floor and stood back with hands upraised. Haymitch gathered them up and slipped the straps over his shoulder. He gave Katniss an approving nod before gesturing toward her empty chair. Katniss let the President go and gave her a light shove forward. Coin's lips pressed tightly together but she held her tongue and made her way to the proffered seat.

"Now what," Haymitch rasped. "This deal just keeps getting better all the time. What's your plan?"

She gave a funny little shrug, gray eyes darting from her former mentor to the window and back again. "I leave the plans to you, Haymitch. I'm no good at that sort of thing. You know that." She headed for the adjoining door and sent Prim an apologetic look. "I'm going in there to do what I can. I'm holding you to our deal, Haymitch. You keep him alive no matter what happens to me."

'Katniss," Prim howled. "Katniss, don't."

Katniss looked back over her shoulder and smiled sadly, "I love you, Little Duck. I'll be fine. Don't worry." The sound of her sister's weeping followed her through the door. She felt tears burn her eyes but pushed them aside. She had more important things to worry about now.

Keats looked hopeful as the door swung open but his face fell as Katniss walked in. Katniss ignored him and looked at the two hysterical nurses cowering in the corner. She steadied her voice and said quietly, "You need to leave. Everything's going to be okay." They shared a collective look and then headed for the nearest exit. As they passed her by, Katniss gestured toward the syringe and ampoule of morphling. "Leave those here. I might need them."

The sweet-faced nurse called Lace hesitated and then handed them over. She held up the syringe and traced a line half way up the tube. "No more than here. Any more could be fatal." Katniss nodded her thanks and slipped the medicine into her pocket. Lace squeezed her fingers before following the other nurse out of the room.

She faced the bed and met a pair of eyes more black than blue. She held her arms out with fingers spread wide. Her gaze lowered to Gage's florid face and frightened eyes. The rope bit into his neck, leaving a white mark against the purpling flesh. Her fingers absently traced the now faded marks on her own throat. "Peeta," she said softly. "It's me. It's Katniss. I'm here now. I need you to listen. You don't want to do this. You don't want to hurt Gage. Let him go. Let me take him out of here."

"He tried to kill me," he hissed. "He wants me dead. They all want me dead, Katniss. How do I know you're real? How do I know that you're not a mutt with her face? I thought it was you but every time it was just another trick to pull me in."

Katniss bit her lip as she searched her memory for a way to convince him. "The fan's in here because you don't have a window. We used one on the Victory Tour train. Your father gave me cookies before we left for our first Games. I sang the Valley Song at the assembly on the first day of school. You make me cheese buns because you know they're my favorite."

His grip loosened on Gage allowing the man to pull in huge gulps of air. Keats echoed him with a loud sigh of his own. Keats sidled closer to Katniss and shouldered his gun as he gave her an approving nod. "I want it to stop," Peeta bit out. "I need for it to be over. Do you understand that? I'm done." His hands curled into fists, tightening the rope on Gage's neck. Katniss felt her heart crack into at the hopelessness in his voice. "I'm so tired, Katniss."

"I know," she said softly. "You haven't been sleeping which makes it worse. Let him go and then we'll try to sleep. I'll help you, Peeta, but you have to help me. Let him go."

He stared at her intently for a long minute before letting go and shoving Gage roughly to the floor. The man's fingers went to his throat as he let out a few raspy coughs. Keats stepped gingerly to his colleague's side and pulled him to his feet. He gave Peeta a brief look and Katniss a longer one before guiding Gage through the open door. She waited until they were through before pulling it closed behind them.

"Let's cut you lose," she muttered. She started at the foot of the bed and loosened the straps around his ankles. He watched in silence as she moved purposefully from one side of the bed to the other and then freed his other hand. There was an angry red weal around his wrist from the bonds. Katniss hissed as she saw the wound. Her eyes swept the bay and found a first aid kit attached to the wall above a low sink in the corner. She grabbed the kit and levered the lid open, pulling out a length of bandage and some ointment. She approached him cautiously with her found items in clear view. He held up his wrists and extended them toward her without another word. She gave him a tentative smile and then carefully cleaned and dressed his injuries. She pulled the syringe and morphling out of her pocket and cocked a questioning brow. He licked his lips, eyes darting from the medicine to hers and back again. He let out a soft sigh and pushed up his sleeve bearing his arm to the shoulder. She filled the syringe, taking care not to draw too much then jabbed it into his arm and hit the plunger. He gave her a sideways glance out of the corner of his eye.

"I remember," he said quietly.

She pulled the syringe out and blotted the spot with an alcohol wipe. Leaning forward, she blew on the spot to dry it. Her eyes flicked up to his, caught as always by the clear, brilliant blue. "What?" she questioned. "Tell me, Peeta. What do you remember?"

"I remember," he murmured. "I remember feeling happy for the first time in so long. Sunlight on white fur. Took me three days to get the color right."

She gasped quietly as his words conjured up a stray memory of the arena and his gentle voice sending the morphling who had just saved his life to her death wearing a smile. Biting back a sudden urge to bury her face in his neck and give the tears free rein, she smiled instead. "You fell over and I landed on top of you. We made a spectacle of ourselves."

"We laughed," he murmured.

"We did," she confirmed. "With everything that had happened, I knew if we were together somehow we'd be okay. I was right."

"Do you think it can still be like that?" the words were soft, hesitant, spoken without thought.

She gestured toward the pale walls and gray veined floor. "Look, Peeta," she said. "It's snowing."

His eyes left hers momentarily, looking around in confusion before they found hers again. "Are we outside or inside watching it fall?"

A gentle smile curved up the edges of her mouth. "We're inside but at the lake in the woods. There's a cabin right by the shore. I used to go there with my dad. Did I ever tell you that? There's a fireplace and kindling so we're warm. Everything's quiet and peaceful. The only sounds are the wind moving the limbs around and logs snapping in the heat of the flames. We're safe and sound. I've pulled back the window coverings so that you can have fresh air. It's peaceful here because it's just you and me. It's like being back in the cave only we're not fighting for our lives. We're together and that's all that matters." She climbed into bed and lay down beside him. A light tug on his arm was all it took for him to slide beneath the blankets and turn to face her. She cupped his chin with both hands and gently traced the contours of his face. His eyelids drooped and closed as his head found its way to her shoulder. His breath deepened and lengthened. "You sleep now," she murmured. "I'll be here when you wake up. I promise. Just sleep, Peeta." Soon he slept peacefully, his breath lightly fanning the loose hair escaping her braid.

Katniss let herself doze, enjoying the warmth and closeness that she'd missed for far too long. It seemed like only minutes had passed when she saw Haymitch waving to her from the bay door. She slipped free of his encircling hold and padded silently across the cool tiles. "Everything okay?" she asked.

Haymitch gave her his patented smirk but came right to the point. "Coin is pretty pissed. You made a fool of her and she won't forget or forgive that any time soon. You'd better watch yourself with her going forward. Aurelius has decided to alter the boy's treatment. You're going to be with him every step of the way."

Katniss heaved a sigh of relief and glanced back over her shoulder to where he continued to sleep peacefully. "It's worth it. I don't care if she's mad. As long as he gets better, it's worth it."

Haymitch nodded and clumsily patted her shoulder. "I'll do what I can to keep her off your back. Just make sure that you keep your eyes open." He turned to leave but then paused to look back at her, pride filling his normally mocking gaze. "Remember what I said about living a thousand lifetimes and never deserving him?" Haymitch questioned.

"I remember," she answered and gave him a confused glance out of the corner of her eye.

"Well forget it," he announced. "He couldn't find anybody better. Now get the hell out of here. You're getting on my nerves."

She quickly masked her shock, merely giving him a nod and token glare before making her way out of the room. Once the door slid shut, she let a smile cross her face and rested a hand against the cool metal of the door. "I love you too, Haymitch."

End Chapter 5


	6. The Secret Ingredient

 

Chapter 6: The Secret Ingredient

It would have happened anyway. She was able to console herself with that thought, looking back on the day's events. Some things were as inevitable as sunrise and had to be accepted as such. Plutarch would natter until he got usable footage for his propos. Haymitch would give her knowing looks and make veiled insults posing as concerned statements. Prim would listen or not; keep her company or not. Her mother would be there in body if not necessarily in spirit. And then there was Peeta.

Peeta. Peeta fucking Mellark. The boy with the bread, Peeta Mellark. He managed to simultaneously infuriate and fascinate her. The unwieldy combination was off-putting for Katniss. Granted, she had made no bones about where her loyalties lay when it came to him. Shouting at Thirteen's head physician, choking the President of the District, and blithely refusing to be left out of the slightest detail of Peeta's treatment left little room for doubt. It was the uncertainty of not knowing which Peeta she would be faced with during her visits that had her on edge. Katniss Everdeen didn't handle uncertainty gracefully or well.

She stood before his door staring at the empty bed, her mind racing. Where could he be? Had something happened? Why hadn't anyone come to get her?

A nurse that she had seen during previous visits noticed her standing frozen by the door and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "They took him to the kitchens. He had a rough night and morning. Dr. Aurelius thought being in familiar surroundings would do him some good."

With a murmured thank you, Katniss turned and made her way swiftly toward the kitchens. She was furious with whoever decided to keep her out of the loop. If he had a bad night, she should have been told immediately. How could she help him if she didn't know when he needed her? That's it, she vowed silently. They can't keep secrets from me if I'm right there. She stopped at the double doors leading to the kitchen and drew a shaky breath. His bad days weren't like everyone else's. She had no clue what she was walking into. It didn't matter, she decided. It was Peeta. That's all she needed to know.

Boggs cut her off just as she pushed through the door. "You can't be here, Katniss. Not now. He's hanging on by a thread. Let him be. As soon as he's calm, I'll find you."

"What happened?" She asked quietly. "He was fine yesterday. What changed?"

Boggs gave her a sympathetic look, "Today is his father's birthday. He asked for a calendar this morning. We didn't think anything of it. He got really quiet after he saw it, and then smashed his breakfast tray. The doctor on duty wanted to sedate him but Dr. Aurelius suggested bringing him down here instead. He's a bit better but still shaky. Just let him be. He'll work through it in his own way. You can see him later."

Katniss could just see a familiar figure through the partly open door. His arms were coated in flour and his hands sunk wrist deep in light flaky dough. What caught her eye wasn't the familiar sight of Peeta Mellark baking, although that was a welcome change. No, it was the lines tracing a path down his cheeks and the way he paused occasionally to wipe his eyes on his sleeve. She could see tears dripping in a steady stream off his chin as he determinedly worked the dough. She had seen enough. There was no way she was going to leave him now. Not like this. She shoved Boggs aside, ignoring his disgruntled huff, and pushed her way through the door.

Blue eyes glanced up and locked on her as she walked slowly across the kitchen. She didn't say a word but stopped and held out her arms. He paused long enough to swipe his hands on a towel before walking into her embrace. Her arms tightened around him as she softly murmured that everything was going to be okay. Hot tears soaked into her shirt as he sagged against her, finally letting go. Boggs gave her a small nod as he backed out of the kitchen and closed the door.

She held him close until his tears were spent. He pulled away, dabbing at his eyes with the back of his hand. He refused to meet her gaze, choosing instead to turn back to the abandoned dough on the counter. She bit her lip, choking back questions that she knew he couldn't or wouldn't answer now. Instead, she perched on a nearby stool and watched his hands expertly shape the dough into palm-sized balls that he placed carefully on a greased and floured pan. The silence was interrupted only by the hiss of air exchangers, his muffled curse when one came out slightly lopsided instead of making a perfect circle, and the slow in/out of her breathing.

He darted a glance at her before his eyes flicked back to the tray of pastries in front of him. "These were his favorite," he offered quietly. "We would sneak downstairs every year, make up a batch, and leave them for him to find. Mom would have freaked if she'd found them first. Somehow, he managed to keep our secret." He smiled through a sudden haze of tears.

Katniss bit back her own, watching as he fought a different kind of memory. This wasn't something brought about by the hijacking but it was Capital wrought nonetheless. Peeta had lost more than his memory to Snow's machinations. His family hadn't made it through Twelve's bombing. She had seen the destruction first hand, had stood in the rubble of his childhood home and shrieked to the sky that there was nobody left to hear him. She bowed her head as the images rose up before her. The baker was a good man who shared much the same personality with his youngest son. She drew a shaky breath as she flashed back to their first train and recalled tossing a bag of cookies out the window in a fit of piqué. It hurt to think of his easy way and quiet strength. She could still hear his voice saying that he would make sure Prim had enough to eat. She knew in her heart that he would have kept that promise.

"What else did you do?" she questioned lightly. He gave her a surprised look and a grateful smile. He needed this, she realized. He needed to be heard; needed to remember them. She nodded encouragingly and gestured for him to continue.

"The basic recipe is easy," Peeta said softly. "The tricky part is choosing the filling. You don't want it to come out soggy or tough. It has to be perfect. Dad always loved fruit like apples or pears. They don't get soft in the oven. Cherries work really well too." He grinned at her suddenly. "It was my idea to put cheese in them. That's where the recipe for your cheese buns came from. Seth told me that it would never work because the cheese wouldn't have time to melt. Dad told him to shut up and to let me try. I don't think he expected anything to come from it. He looked pretty shocked when they came out of the oven. Seth was so pissed when he added them to the menu."

Katniss smirked as she reached for one cooling on a tray nearby. She bit into it and groaned in satisfaction as the heady flavor of the cheese hit her taste buds. "I'm glad that he did. These are the best things I've ever eaten. The Capital stuff doesn't even come close."

He looked pleased but didn't comment as he continued to work and shape the dough. She chewed quietly as she watched, her attention focused on the motions of his capable hands. Popping the last bite into her mouth, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny bundle. Unfolding the cloth, she pulled out several shoots and deftly twined them together. He glanced her way, blue eyes alight with curiosity but he didn't break the silence.

"My father taught me to make them when I was small," she confided as she threaded a blossom through the tangle of greenery. "Prim loved them when she was little." She glanced at him and almost laughed at the enraptured look on his face. The fact that Peeta Mellark was diverted by a simple flower crown was amazing to her. He was adept at a variety of tasks requiring both skill and precision but here he was, looking on in awe as the crown took shape in her hands. Peeta, despite all he had been through, could still get swept up in simple pleasures. "He made them for my mother. She knew the plants and herbs by name despite never going with him to forage. She loved wildflowers, so every time we went out, he made sure to bring something back for her. Sometimes, it was a small bouquet that she could dry and put into a sachet. Other times, it was a crown or bracelet that she could wear."

A small smile curved his lips up as he turned back to his baking. She almost thought he'd lost interest in her craft, but he softly spoke a few minutes later. "Where did you get those flowers? Is Coin letting you go out?"

She shook her head, keeping her eyes trained on the flimsy strands as she weaved them together. "There's a whole complex where they grow everything from fruit and vegetables to herbs and medicinal plants. The head gardener didn't have any objections to me taking whatever I wanted."

He picked up the finished tray and slid it into the oven before turning to face her. "Thank you for telling me about your father and for listening. It means a lot." He scrubbed a hand through his hair and avoided her eyes as he made his way back to the table. "So, uh…" He hesitated, clearly unsure of his words which surprised her. "Haymitch told me what happened in the medical ward with Coin." She felt her cheeks redden but didn't comment. "You attacked her. You defied her. Why would you do that? Why? Do you realize what you've done and how she's likely to respond?"

"I don't care," she replied hotly. "All I give a damn about is keeping you safe. She gave the order to have you killed, Peeta. Do you honestly think that I was going to let that happen if I could prevent it?" His hands tightened on the edge of the counter as his eyes slid closed, breath becoming short and labored. "Peeta, listen to me. You can't do this now. You have to control it. You have to try. She's going to be looking for any excuse so you can't give her one. Neither can I. We have to stick together or she wins."

Black engulfed crystalline blue as his knuckles cracked under the strain of his tight grip on the table. Muscles corded underneath the thin covering of his t-shirt. Katniss pushed aside a twinge of fear as she bailed off the stool and put some distance between them. She trusted him but she wasn't about to take foolish chances. Not here, not now. When he raised his head, she flinched at the blatant hatred in his eyes. "She wins? What does that even mean? Do you think we'll ever be more to them than pawns? You should have let her put me down. At least then, it would be done. I wouldn't be your problem anymore."

Her palm stung and she looked in disbelief at the blooming hand print clearly visible against the pale skin of his cheek. She massaged her aching hand, fighting back the reflex to hit him again. "Don't say that to me! Never! Do you hear me?" She stepped closer and poked him in the chest with a stiff finger. "After all that's happened, how can you think it would be better if you were dead? Fuck that, Peeta. I lost you once. I won't do it again. Do you hear me? I won't. You don't have to like it but you will have to deal with it."

His pupils dilated rapidly and then shrank to something approaching normal. His fingers flexed as he loosened his grip on the table. "You hit me?" he asked wonderingly. "You actually hit me?"

She shrugged a flush burning its way toward her hairline. "You deserved it." She stuck her hands in her pockets and watched as he absently rubbed his jaw. "I mean it, don't give her a reason. Fight it, Peeta. Fight as hard as you can. We can't let her separate us."

"So we're back to that, are we?" He laughed softly but with an undercurrent of bitterness. "We protect each other, right?"

"You don't believe me," she stated furiously. "After everything, you think that I'm still playing for the damned cameras."

"I think you're doing whatever it takes to survive," he bit out. "It's your greatest talent."

"That's the venom talking," she shot back. "Snow tried to come between us. Coin's playing the same game."

Peeta laughed again but there was no humor in it. "Us? You're throwing that word around a lot, Katniss. What's changed? I don't need you to feel sorry for me. I may be damaged goods but I still deserve better than that. What kind of game are you playing? What do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you," she confided. She crossed her arms protectively over her stomach but met his look squarely. "I just want…" she stumbled over her words as her gaze swung to the door where Boggs stood watching them quietly. "Looks like you have somewhere to be and I've got to check on Prim. I'll talk to you later."

She headed for the door, giving Boggs a slight smile as he patted her lightly on the shoulder. "Katniss," her name spoken in his voice stopped her cold. She turned to look at him inquiringly. "I'm not him. I know you want me to be but I'm not. I'm sorry."

She smiled despite the brief flicker of pain that flared in her eyes. "That's where you're wrong. You're still my Peeta. I'll prove it to you eventually."

"Your Peeta," he said in a halting voice. "Katniss, I…"

"Yes," she cut him off abruptly. "Mine. Don't make me tell you again." She brushed past Boggs and disappeared through the double doors.

Boggs chuckled and motioned for Peeta to precede him as they headed back to the medical ward. "That one is a full of surprises."

Peeta could only shake his head in agreement. "She goes her own way."

Boggs glanced toward him with an eyebrow cocked in amusement. "And what about you?"

"Me?" Peeta repeated. "I guess I wait and hope that she'll figure it out."

Boggs laughed out loud and motioned toward the dark-haired figure that disappeared from sight around a distant corner. "Hate to say it, boy, but I think she's figured it out."

It was Peeta's turn to grin. "Yeah," he returned. "I think she did."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The vast underground complex called Thirteen consisted of miles of corridors, levels, and rooms. Not even the citizens of the District knew all of its secrets. Tucked away in an unassuming corner, Central Command was of nondescript and looked like any other section of the gigantic facility. The Victors looked around with undisguised interest as they were led inside. This was the nerve center of Thirteen, where information flowed in from the far-flung regions of the country and was then sifted for those tidbits that would hand them a clear shot at the Capital and Snow.

The conference room was memorable only for its lack of ostentation. Unlike the Capital, Thirteen seemed to take pride in the mundane with its beige walls, gray floors, and sturdy unadorned furniture. Haymitch was already seated when the others filed in. He nodded briefly and then turned his attention back to the sheaf of papers in front of him. Finnick Odair slid languidly into an unoccupied chair to his left and let his gaze wander about the room in feigned disinterest. Beside him, Johanna Mason made little effort to hide her disdain. The petite woman was known for her complete lack of tact and outright scorn for anyone in authority. She, like Katniss, chose to break her own ground and not yield to other's expectations.

Johanna smirked as the younger girl strolled in just a few moments before President Coin. Thirteen's leader looked as if she was spoiling for a fight. Rumors of a confrontation between Coin and her Mockingjay were making the rounds. Neither would confirm the disagreement, but the temperature in the room dropped significantly as stormy gray eyes met pitiless pale blue. "Soldier Everdeen, if you could take a seat, we'll go ahead and get started." Katniss flicked a glance at the obdurate woman, shrugged, and leaned against the far wall. Coin's mouth thinned in annoyance but she took a seat at the head of the table and keyed a huge monitor to life.

"As you know, we've focused most of our efforts on District Two. I have just received word from our Commander that the facility known as the Nut has fallen. We now hold sway in all the Districts, leaving the Capital isolated and relatively undefended. The time has come to press for final victory. In order to make sure our fighting men and women give their all to our cause, we must ask you, the Victors, to join us on the field of battle." Katniss straightened and exchanged a questioning look with Haymitch and Finnick. Johanna's bark of laughter rang harshly in the relative quiet. Coin made no effort to suppress a satisfied smile at their shocked expressions. "To that end, we have formed an élite squadron made up of veterans and Victors. This unit will be headed by Corran Boggs who will now take the floor to outline the function of his new command and give a basic overview of the upcoming mission."

Boggs moved to the front of the room and keyed a code into the communicuff at his wrist. A schematic flared to life in alternating shades of green. The sizable sprawl of the Capital was depicted in a series of squares and rectangles, the largest being City Center and the adjoining President's Plaza that fronted the Residence itself. "The goal is the Training Center and the President's mansion. We have four advancing columns which will enter the City at various points. Thanks to intelligence provided by our field agents and Plutarch Heavensbee's network within the Capital proper, we know where most of the automatic defenses are located. Our forces will be given holos programmed with a comprehensive map and pod ramparts. It's difficult to get an exhaustive census but we are confident that we know where ninety-eight percent of the emplacements are positioned."

He paused the feed and highlighted an area to the left of City Center causing it to flash briefly in aqua hued tones. "This neighborhood is made up of small shops and private residences. According to Plutarch, it would be an ideal back door to the more prominent parts of the city. There aren't as many pods and it should be relatively easy for a small group to pass through relatively unmolested."

Both Haymitch and Johanna snorted audibly at that announcement. Boggs grimaced at the interruption but continued to point out various aspects of the projected route. "There are several blind spots where we can't be sure if any defense measures have been brought online. We've chosen this area for several reason but the primary one being that it's been largely ignored by Capital peacekeepers. To be frank, there's nothing there to call for special attention."

Johanna waved a hand lazily in the air and waited until Boggs gestured for her to speak before asking, "So we're supposed to get dressed up, go to the Capital, and then wander around playing soldier until Snow is either captured or dies from boredom? Count me out. I have better things to do. Rumor has it the mess hall will be serving something resembling food any day now. I'd hate to miss out on that."

Katniss resumed her relaxed pose against the back wall and raised her own hand. She couldn't help but notice Coin and Haymitch leaning their elbows on the table in almost identical poses of interest. Ignoring the warning looks her former mentor was sending her way, she chimed in, "Count me out too. I can't leave yet. Most of you already know why." Finnick nodded in agreement as he half-turned to face her. Katniss caught sight of Coin's thunderous expression but refused to neither acknowledge it nor back down. "I can still do the propos and stuff but I won't go to the Capital."

Finnick worried his lower lip as he seemed to mull something over. At last, he let out a long breath and braced his forearms on the table before him. "Me either. I'll do the propos like Katniss said. There are a few stories that I've filed away for a rainy day. This seems like as good a time as any to air the dirty laundry. My reasons for staying might not be as well-known as the mockingjay's but suffice it to say, they're just as valid. I'm staying here too."

Coin's expression shifted from incensed to an almost eerie calm in the blink of an eye. She waved Boggs aside and stepped up to the podium. Grasping both sides commandingly, she gave each person around the table a hard look before deigning to speak. "Perhaps I failed to make myself clear when I outlined the state of our affairs earlier. Your cooperation, while appreciated, isn't necessary. Each of you became subject to Thirteen's rules the moment you arrived. Unless deemed an essential worker which means you have a trade or skill that benefits the District, you are automatically conscripted into the military. Being Victors gives you a certain amount of freedom but doesn't excuse you from service. You will join your assigned squad and carry out your orders to the best of your ability. Failure to comply will be seen as mutiny. This is a serious offense under our laws. It has severe penalties. Don't mistake our hospitality or our benevolence. Neither is limitless."

The tension in the room was palpable following Coin's announcement. Katniss looked to Haymitch for some sign that the crafty former mentor had a seen a way around the President's demands. He leaned back in his chair with a bored expression and merely crooked an inquiring brow at her pleading glance. Characteristically, it was Johanna who broke the stalemate.

The petite woman climbed slowly to her feet and rested her weight on the palms of her hands which were flattened on the table before her. Every muscle was visibly tense as Johanna met Coin's implacable glare with a potent one of her own. "I didn't go through hell to be thrown back in just because you think this damned war can be won by parading us around like some sort of trophy pets. I didn't leap when Snow crooked a finger and I'll be damned if I'm going to dance for you now. If you wanted a pretty little doll to show off, you picked the wrong girl."

Katniss didn't speak. Words were never her strong suit anyway. Instead, she pushed off the wall and came forward to stand beside Johanna. The two exchanged a glance that spoke volumes before turning to face Coin once more. Finnick merely leaned back in his chair, mirroring Haymitch's disinterested posture. A smirk played about his mouth as he laced his fingers behind his head and lazily crossed his ankles.

"I'm sorry that you won't help us after we risked so much on your behalf," Coin idly shuffled a few of the pages splayed on the podium before her. "I didn't want to have to do this but you've forced my hand." A regretful sigh escaped her. "You three would have been ideal. Each of you is well-known in the Districts. The mere hint that you're fighting alongside our forces would have convinced many to join us or stand down. That is neither here nor there. Here in Thirteen, we've learned how to make due. We will have Victors one way or another." She removed two pages from the stack, carefully signed her name, and handed them to Boggs who studied them carefully. His eyes narrowed as he scanned the documents. He darted a quick look at the President, opened his mouth and just as abruptly closed it when she gave him an inquiring glance. "Do you require an explanation of your orders, Commander?" she asked bitingly. Boggs wordlessly shook his head and retreated to a corner where he continued to study the sheaf of papers in his hand.

Coin put the main screen on standby and gathered up her remaining items before heading to the door. As if the thought had suddenly occurred to her, she turned back to the assembled Victors and smiled coldly. "I'm afraid that due to our limited resources, we will have to ask some of you to leave. Everything in the District is carefully rationed. We simply can't support the influx of refugees any longer. Those wishing to stay that have been deemed vital will be granted amnesty as will those that have chosen to enlist in our military. You have one week to make any necessary arrangements. We will, of course, give you passage to the closest neutral territory."

Haymitch's chair trembled and then tipped over to land heavily on the floor. "Wait just a damned minute," he thundered. "That wasn't part of the deal. What the hell are you playing at?"

She ignored him, choosing instead face the still silent group. "Should you change your mind, I will consider your situation on a case-by-case basis." The door abruptly slid open, cutting off whatever else she meant to say.

A group of four soldiers entered, each pair flanking a familiar figure. The first to enter was a slender waif with dark, tangled hair that fell almost to her waist. Her bluish-green eyes seemed lost but sharpened as she caught sight of Finnick standing in open-mouthed surprise at the far end of the room. Annie Cresta appearing unannounced was strange enough to give even Haymitch pause. Peeta Mellark, though cuffed and hobbled, calmly being led in was astonishing. "What's going on?" Finnick demanded. "What is she doing here?" His voice gentled and softened. "Annie, what happened? I thought you were going to the room to rest. Why did you come?"

Annie looked uncertainly from one to the other as she stopped a short distance from the table. Her escorts paused, trading indecisive looks when the woman failed to answer. Her tendency to withdraw from the outside world had become common knowledge in Thirteen's close confines. The two clearly didn't know how to proceed. Finnick, however, had no such compunction. He hurriedly rose and approached her with outstretched arms. She managed to take them all by surprise when she shook her head firmly and slapped his hands aside. "Peeta asked me to come with him. He said that it was important and that you needed my help. I'm sorry we're late, Finnick. The guards weren't sure that we were supposed to be here. The agenda specified that all Victors had to attend or they probably wouldn't have let us in."

Coin's face mottled red as Annie's words registered. She divided her glower between them equally. Finally, she spat furiously, "That directive didn't include those housed in the medical bay. Take them back at once. I'll deal with your incompetence later, Soldier Jackson."

Jackson flushed in embarrassment but addressed the President calmly and matter-of-factly. "The summons called for the presence of all Victors like she said, President Coin. We had to get clearance from Dr. Aurelius before moving Mellark from the security ward. That is what caused the delay. We sent Commander Boggs a message as soon as we were on our way."

Coin gave the commander a hard look. "Is that so," she commented softly.

Boggs straightened and squared his shoulders as if preparing for a blow. His eyes didn't waver as he stated quietly, "You did say that you wanted everyone here, Madame President. I assumed that included Miss Cresta and Mr. Mellark. If there was a mistake, it is mine alone. I gave these men the order and they followed it."

Haymitch chose that moment to chime in. "Annie, what did you mean when you said Peeta asked you to come?"

She hesitated and surprisingly turned to Peeta who gave her an encouraging nod. Drawing herself up, Annie replied bravely, "I wasn't included on the list. Peeta was. The escorts received a call while they were waiting for Dr. Aurelius to bring me too. I didn't want to come but Peeta told me that it was important. He helped me while we were in the Capital. We were in adjoining cells. He talked to me at night when it got quiet, asked me about Four and Finnick. It was good to have someone to talk to."

Peeta returned her tentative smile with one of his own. He gave Finnick a playful look, "Finnick, you'd better be nice to her or I might try to take her away from you."

Finnick actually laughed before replying, "Don't make me sorry that I restarted your heart, bread boy."

The mood in the room became somber once more as Peeta turned to face Coin, his expression immediately hardening. "We're not finished yet, President Coin. There are still one or two items that haven't been hashed out."

Coin gave him a wary look that was returned with interest. She rocked back on her heels as he approached, clearly debating whether it was a good idea to stay in place. She eyed the soldiers that shadowed him, seeming reassured by their proximity. "I'm afraid that we are, Mr. Mellark. The decision has been made. I'm afraid that I have nothing further to say."

"I'm sure you don't," he replied smoothly. "You have them backed neatly into a corner. They can either go to the Capital or let their friends and loved ones be turned out to fend for themselves with a war going on. You almost got away with it."

"Almost," she purred. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Peeta. There was no grand conspiracy. It's true that they didn't agree to my wishes. I have, however, managed to find a suitable alternative. I think it will work out for the best in the end."

"What are you talking about?" Katniss burst out. "What suitable alternative? You said that we'd have to leave if we didn't take you up on your offer. What kind of alternative is that?"

Peeta shook his head in amusement but his eyes never left Coin. "She signed the order to send Annie and me back to the Capital. We're the backup plan. She still gets her figureheads but if we die in the process, it won't be as big of a blow."

Johanna and Katniss looked at him with identical expressions of astonishment. Finnick's face flushed an angry red but his reaction paled in comparison to Haymitch's outraged curse. "How the hell do you know that, boy? Do they make a habit of discussing military strategy in the psych ward?"

Peeta shrugged, the chains linking his wrists together clinking musically with the movement. "People talk, Haymitch, especially when they don't think they can be heard. You taught me that. Two of the orderlies were complaining that they were going to be rotated out to field duty soon to manage a high-security patient. They said that the only good thing about the assignment was the opportunity to see the City. It didn't take much to figure out who they were supposed to be watching. Once I figured that out, the rest was pretty easy."

Haymitch huffed angrily and turned his attention to the silent woman by the door. "Does he have the right of it? Do you really plan to send them back after everything we went through to get them out?"

Her face settled into an arrogant mask as she regarded him coldly. "I don't answer to you, Abernathy, nor do I have to explain myself."

Haymitch snorted, "That clenches it. You know you'll never get the rest of the Council to agree. That's why you restricted the guest list to include Victors only."

Peeta broke in, "She doesn't have to get anyone to agree, Haymitch. She's already signed the orders. We're supposed to go with the next deployment." He looked over his shoulder and gave a little nod. Katniss watched in confusion as the screen once again flared to life. Coin's brow furrowed, her eyes darting from Peeta to the podium where Boggs was calmly entering data into his communicuff. Peeta's soft voice pulled her eyes back to him. In a smug voice that bore little resemblance to his usually even tones, Peeta announced, "Plutarch and his camera crew have been busy since the rescue mission. I don't know if you're aware of how much footage his crew has filmed over the past few months. I asked if he filmed my sessions. He said that he not only had that but reaction shots from the viewing room." Peeta paused, clearly savoring what he was about to say. "That was one of the terms Katniss and Dr. Aurelius agreed on when they discussed her visits."

Katniss chimed in, "You set the terms, Coin. You only agreed on the condition that Plutarch was there to film everything. I think you called it full disclosure."

Coin's face visibly reddened visibly, her lips white and colorless from being pressed so tightly together. "What does that have to do with your going to the Capital, Mr. Mellark?"

"It has a lot to do with it," he bit out. The handcuffs dug into his wrists as he wound the chain around his hand. He let out a pained breath as the metal slid into inflamed grooves that encircled his arms. "You set the rules, President Coin. It's up to us whether we choose to play your Game. In this case, I'm afraid the answer is no. We won't be sent back to the Capital."

She smirked slightly, still sure of her victory. She forgot that she was dealing with Victors. Nobody won the Hunger Games by playing fair. The odds were always stacked against them. Indeed, Peeta had learned that lesson better than any of them. As Coin opened her mouth to no doubt remind him of who was in charge, the screen flickered and a voice filled the room. "He's too dangerous. It's like keeping a rabid dog. You can never tell when it's going to turn. It's best to put it down as quickly and painlessly as possible. These men will carry out the task. If you don't wish to view it, you can leave now. I'll make sure that the remains are released to you so that the proper rites can be performed." Whatever she was about to say died as her own voice echoed in the silence. The footage came to a stop just as Katniss came into view onscreen. Coin stared wordlessly at the image, hatred burning brightly in her pale, colorless eyes.

"I think if this were to get out, it would probably give the Districts the idea that the alternative isn't necessarily any better than what they already have," Peeta observed blandly. His eyes told a different tale. They danced merrily in the flickering light of the screen. "What do you think, Madame President? Surely there has to be another way."

Coin's expression gave nothing away but her shoulders visibly sagged. She stared at him unblinking for a long moment before she replied. "Maybe there is. We're still solidifying our hold in Two. It will take time to get the defenses back online and then move on the Capital. We'll use it to look at all of our options." With that, she turned on her heel and quickly left the room.

Haymitch let out a long breath, muttering about needing a flask. Johanna sank into her chair and let out a low laugh. Finnick cuffed her lightly on the shoulder before pulling Annie into a tight embrace. That left Katniss staring in open-mouthed awe at her former fiancé. He glanced at her but took a few moments to speak quietly to Boggs. She couldn't make out what they were saying but the smile that broke across Peeta's face made her gasp. It was the smile from before, the one that she hadn't seen since leaving him behind in the Quell Arena. It stole her breath.

"Two minutes, Mr. Mellark," Boggs commented gruffly. He gestured for the two soldiers to follow him and quietly left the room.

Peeta's smile faded slightly but was still visible as he turned to face her. "Hey," he mouthed softly.

"Hey," she answered. "That was incredible. I can't believe…. How did you manage?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Plutarch came to see me earlier. He was excited and couldn't keep it to himself that the Capital was Coin's next objective. He wanted to get my reaction on the possibility that the Rebels might win. I asked him how much filming he'd been allowed to do. He let it slip about Coin's deal and that we'd been filmed each time you visited. It didn't seem too farfetched that her order to put me down had been documented. Luckily for us, I had a friend who was willing to ask him nicely to borrow it for this meeting."

Katniss grinned as she followed his gaze to the door where Boggs stood guard. "You really are something," she said admiringly. "How did you talk him into that?"

"It wasn't me," Peeta whispered. He edged closer and bent until they were only a breath apart. "I've told you forever that you don't know the effect you can have."

"I don't think I'm anything special," she murmured, her eyes locked with his. "You give me too much credit."

"You don't give yourself enough," he said as he straightened. "Just remember that you're the Mockingjay. While you live, the Rebellion lives. Coin can't change that." He caught sight of Boggs gesturing from the doorway and sighed. "I have to go."

As he shuffled away, she found her voice once more. "Peeta, I'll see you soon."

He tossed her a smile over his shoulder, nodding in passing to Haymitch and the others. She smiled back and watched until the door slid shut behind him.

End Part 6…..


	7. The Ties that Bind

 

Chapter 7: The Ties That Bind

"The ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us, even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance, and time, and logic. Because some ties are simply… meant to be."― M.G.

"The ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us, even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance, and time, and logic. Because some ties are simply… meant to be."― M.G.

Thirteen had never seen the like of the celebration that followed in the wake of the wedding joining Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta. By Capital standards, it was downright monotonous. There was no grand processional, no pomp or circumstance. Instead, there were two people irrevocably in love that pledged their lives to one another. The ceremony, conducted by Dalton, a refugee from District Ten, was a simple exchange of vows framed by touches that belonged solely to District Four. A woven net draped over the couple as they made promises to each other sealed with water that tasted like the sea.

Katniss didn't have to force the smile that wreathed her face following their first kiss as husband and wife. She was happy for them, especially Finnick. Gone was the suave playboy, the teasing trickster. In his place was a man who had everything he ever wanted. Yes, she was happy for him but at the same time, strangely sad for herself. She couldn't help but wonder about what might have been had things been different.

She raised a glass with the others as a toast was made wishing them a happy life together. As she sipped her cider, she watched them. Annie wore a green silk dress that enhanced her fragile beauty as only a garment designed by Cinna's capable hands could. Finnick sported a suit that had once belonged to Peeta. The lone fiddler struck up a melancholy tune that pulled her head around. As Annie and Finnick swayed together on a cleared space that doubled as a dance floor, Katniss withdrew into a shadowed corner and tried to hide the gathering wetness that threatened to overflow. She was well aware that there were cameras rolling for the sole purpose of catching the Victors' revelry. Haymitch had promised a propos in lieu of them going to the front lines. A morale booster for those fighting was needed. The wedding of two Victors, even if it wasn't the star-crossed lovers, would go a long way toward providing that needed lift.

The tune was a familiar one. She'd heard it often growing up. The music ebbed and flowed into the barren places of her heart, taking her back in time. Her father's voice—clear and beautiful—took up the song. He would sing it often after supper was done and she and Prim were tucked in bed. She watched in secret through the open door as he sang softly while holding her pretty mother close. They swayed by the light of an oil lamp and the flickering fire. That image was indelibly imprinted on her mind. That was love…a living, breathing portrait. She watched the newlyweds so wrapped up in each other and felt a sense of déjà vu. Here, too, was love. She wanted to weep at the sight of it.

She swiped surreptitiously at the wetness on her cheeks and forced a smile if a camera happened to be aimed her way. Maybe it was silly but she couldn't stop the thoughts that seeped up as she watched Finnick gaze admiringly at his wife. Somebody had looked at her that way once upon a time. She hadn't appreciated it then but she felt the loss now like never before. Snow had poisoned it when he tortured Peeta and removed his rose-colored glasses in the process.

She let herself wonder what might have been if her father hadn't died in the explosion, if Prim hadn't been reaped, if she hadn't been cast as a piece in other people's games. Would he have worked up the courage to talk to her? Would she have opened her heart? Would her father have allowed it despite the clear division between Merchant and Seam? Would Seamus Everdeen have stood aside and let his daughter cross the same line that he had so blithely disregarded? She would never know and that knowledge made her ache.

She was so caught up in these thoughts that she didn't notice the telltale ripple as the crowd parted to let him through. She didn't hear the speculative murmurs as he made his way across the room nor see the meaningful glances exchanged. She wasn't aware of his presence at all until warm fingers wound about her wrists and a cherished voice whispered, "May I have this dance?"

She didn't stop to question how or why but turned into his arms and let him gather her in. Katniss kept her eyes closed if her mind was playing a cruel trick and he wasn't really here. He felt real and right and alive. His arms enfolded her as they had so many times before and she melted into his embrace. She felt more than heard his surprised gasp but she didn't care. He was here and that was all that mattered.

"Katniss," he breathed as he shifted to put himself between her and the rest of the room, presumably hiding her from the camera's all-seeing eyes. "What is it? What's wrong?" She sidled closer, burying her head in the soft material of his shirt. "Okay. We don't have to talk now."

"Hush," she whispered. "Let's just stay here. Can we do that?"

Peeta nodded and pulled her closer, his cheek resting on top of her head. They moved together by rote, her body automatically keeping time with his. The irony wasn't lost on her. The image of her parents entwined played in her mind as she moved deeper into his arms. Heat unfurled in her belly and filled her up as it had on the beach. She came to life under his touch, knowing that he felt the change but uncaring. This was where she belonged—with him, just like this.

The first brush of his lips against her temple pulled her up short, it was so unexpected. Her breath caught. It was something he would have done before the world fell apart but hadn't done since. Katniss hadn't realized how much she missed those little gestures. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes and this time, she didn't try to stop them. She didn't know how this happened or why, but she was grateful. Her arms tightened reflexively about him, pulling him closer still.

He felt her tears soak his shirt front and tipped up her chin to see them for himself. Gray eyes, made brilliant by the lingering wetness, blinked tremulously up at him. Peeta swallowed reflexively. Voices howled in his head, demanding an end. His hand, without consent, slid down the long elegant line of her throat. Her pulse fluttered beneath his fingers like a wild thing. His fingers trembled as warring impulses fought against each other for control. She leaned into him, eyes hooded and her breath coming short. This time, it was she that rose on tiptoe to place a kiss on the smooth expanse of his jaw. That touch brought him back, reined him in.

"Peeta," his name fell from her lips like a prayer. Something unfamiliar lit her gaze as she shot him a look from beneath lowered lashes. He had seen it one other time, on the beach under a faded pink sky. A latent hunger turned those mist gray eyes into quicksilver. He pulled back, only to find himself swaying closer. She met him half way.

The first touch was hesitant, wary, strange and surreal. They were more like strangers than scripted lovers and it showed. It was awkward and fumbling with noses bumping and teeth clacking together. He lifted his head just enough to catch her eye, lips quirking up into a smile that held just the right touch of shyness. Her answering grin came to the fore. When they came together the second time, all the barriers between them fell away.

Her fingers caught and tangled in the unkempt waves falling over his collar while his splayed against her lower back. Their mouths met like old friends, tasting and teasing as they aligned. He echoed her appreciative sigh with one of his own. Never before had it been like this. Neither in the cave nor on the beach. Those paled in comparison to the way she curled into him and he hung on to her for dear life. This. She remembered this. She remembered and reveled in it. She was right. Snow hadn't taken everything. He hadn't taken this, not entirely.

The muted sound of applause gradually intruded along with ribald remarks that set her face aflame. Peeta was slower to react. His eyes remained firmly closed as he fought to bring his breathing back to something resembling normal. His hands opened and closed involuntarily against her back. Ignoring the cheering crowd, Katniss touched her forehead to his and whispered his name. She softly stroked his back, murmuring ceaselessly until he relaxed beneath her hands. "You love me. Real or not real?" He whispered.

Her chin dropped into her chest as the words penetrated her fog laden mind. All too aware of the eyes upon them, she felt a familiar knot closing off her throat. Fear, doubt, and a wish to draw the shutters closed so the rest of the world couldn't intrude. His blue eyes were pleading as they bore into hers, demanding an answer that she longed to give…just not here, not now. Still, she couldn't leave it there. Couldn't let him slip away again. That alone decided it. "Real," she choked out past suddenly dry lips. "Real."

"Katniss, do you mean it," he stuttered, for once at a loss for words. Had it not been so serious, she would have laughed at the irony.

She met his entreating look with one of her own. "Real, Peeta," she repeated stoutly.

Typically, it was Haymitch that interrupted at the most inopportune moment. He glanced from one to the other with a familiar mocking smile before commenting, "You two are upstaging the newlyweds. Plutarch is practically dancing over there. Unless you're prepared to give a repeat performance, they want the boy back in medical. It's past time for his medicine."

Peeta gave a resigned nod and squeezed her hand before reluctantly letting go. "I'm going with him," she announced. Peeta brightened but it was short-lived as Haymitch shook his head. "Why not?" Katniss demanded. "Aurelius gave me permission to be with him during his treatments. Why can't I go now?"

Haymitch snorted under his breath. "Don't blame me, sweetheart," he grated. "I didn't arrange this little get together. Coin wants a good show and that's what we're going to give her. That's the price we have to pay. The boy will be back as soon as they're finished with him. You get to smile pretty and wish the happy couple well."

She groaned audibly and gave Peeta a disappointed look that he returned with interest. "Hurry back," she requested.

A smile flickered briefly on his face. "Count on it."

She watched him follow Boggs from the room, and then trailed after Haymitch as he made his way across the floor to where Annie and Finnick stood surrounded by well-wishers. As she drew closer, Finnick gave her a devilish grin. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to steal our thunder. This is my wedding day, Katniss, the only one I'll ever have. Would it kill you to keep your hands to yourself?"

"I don't think it's her hands that we've got to worry about," Haymitch muttered. "It wasn't her hands all over the boy."

"Shut up, Haymitch," Katniss hissed, her face shaded a mortified red.

"Don't get your corset in a twist," Haymitch rejoined. "It's not that big a deal. That little display might have been enough to get us back on track with Coin. She can't complain that we didn't do our part to give the Districts something to rally around. Right now, you're golden. Just make sure you stay that way."

Finnick glanced around, his arm wound tightly around his new wife's waist. "Where is Peeta? Surely they haven't sent him back this early. We haven't even cut the cake yet."

"Cake?" Katniss asked dubiously. "What cake?"

Finnick eyed Haymitch reprovingly. "You didn't tell her about the cake. I don't understand you." His eager gaze swung back to Katniss. "They let him design and make our wedding cake. I wanted Annie to have something special and I've heard how talented he is. I wanted him to be here when they bring it out. He deserves to see her face after how hard he worked. It took him several days and he was under guard the whole time. I don't know how he did it."

Katniss gave her mentor an accusing look. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't he?"

Haymitch shrugged and gave a dismissive wave. "I think he wanted it to be a surprise. It was his way of showing that he's finding his way back. He didn't want to raise your hopes on the off-chance that he couldn't get it done." He gave her a sardonic smile. "I've seen it. He did well, your boy. I think Annie will be thrilled." His eyes lit on something over her shoulder and he nodded in that direction. "See for yourself."

Katniss turned and couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her at the sight of the massive cake. As sure as the embroidery on Annie's gown was done by Cinna's hand, the flowers and waves were done by Peeta's. It was a work of art—a bluish-green sea capped by white-tipped waves. A sailboat drifted gracefully on a watery plain while fish and dolphins frolicked in the surf. Annie's face shown like the sun as she gazed on the dazzling creation of sugar and flour. Finnick's joy was just as clear as he watched her.

"Peeta should be here for this," she muttered to Haymitch. "I'm going to get him."

Haymitch grunted but waved her off. "Get on with you. Make sure you come straight back here. Don't get sidetracked because you don't like the cameras. A deal's a deal, sweetheart."

"I won't get sidetracked," she bit out scornfully. "He needs to see how happy it made her. He worked so hard." Haymitch rolled his eyes but again, gave her a dismissive wave. "I'm going. I'm going," she retorted, turning on her heel and making her way to the door.

The corridors were largely deserted as she walked hurriedly toward the medical wing. A few natives who had not been selected gave her solemn nods as she passed them. Katniss returned each greeting with a nod or a wave, her mind clearly elsewhere. She pushed through the massive double doors and flashed her tattooed forearm under the scanner that recorded comings and goings. A grinning nurse waved her through and pointed to one of the exam rooms. She smiled her thanks as she went swiftly to the indicated door and let herself in. She was somewhat surprised to find herself in a viewing room and not the room where Peeta lay on a bed with a tube feeding a steady stream into his vein. Prim sat close by, laughing at some unheard comment. She twisted a knob and watched for a few seconds before settling back into her chair.

He frowned, his forehead beaded with sweat that soon soaked his blond curls. Prim bounded to her feet and bent over him, her voice inaudible but concern clearly written on her face. His muscles corded under his shirt, tense and taut as he strained against unseen bonds that tethered him to the bed. He curled into a fetal position, face contorted in agony. Prim brushed his sweat soaked bangs off his forehead, murmuring soothingly as her fingers found and pressed the call button on the bedside table. Blue eyes widened-and then again as his mouth opened in a silent scream. His head thrashed from side to side on the pillow. Katniss hit the door running as her little sister climbed on the bed and attempted to use her slight weight to hold him down. It was a futile effort. He was too strong and too far gone to realize that she was there.

She was too late to stop it, could only watch in horror as Prim was tossed like a rag doll into the cinderblock wall. She hit with a thud and slid to the floor in a tangled heap. Peeta thrashed on the bed, limbs jerking spastically as blood flowed from his split lip and ravaged tongue. She pulled up short, unable to decide which one she should check first. She looked at Prim sprawled on the floor and nearly cried out at the sight of her little sister's bruised cheek and closed eyes. Her chest rose and fell steadily. There was no clear injury other than the dark mark marring her porcelain cheek. Katniss knelt at her side and ran her hands over Prim's arms and legs, hastily checking for broken bones or open wounds. Finding none, she breathed a sigh of relief and turned her attention to Peeta.

The attack stopped as suddenly as it began. His limbs trembled as spasms caused muscles to loosen and contract at will. His blue eyes blinked as they opened, then again as he saw her leaning over him. He pulled back reflexively, fear clear in every line of his face. "Shh, Peeta," she whispered. "It's okay. It's me." His gaze swept the room, trying to decide whether she spoke the truth. He caught sight of Prim and looked at her accusingly. "It's Prim. She was trying to help you," Katniss mouthed. "What happened to you?"

He let out a shaky breath and rose slowly to a sitting position. "Katniss, what happened? Did I hurt you?" His eyes darted to Prim. "Oh God, Katniss, did I hurt her? Please tell me she's okay."

She shook her head, urging him to lie still. Her worried gaze followed his to where Prim still lay unmoving on the pristine white floor. "She hit the wall pretty hard. I couldn't find any injuries but she's knocked out cold. It wasn't you. She tried to hold you down, Peeta. You didn't know what you were doing."

His woebegone expression didn't change. He shied away from her hands. "Take her and go," he ordered. "Please, Katniss. Get her out of here while you still can."

"Why?" She demanded. "Peeta, what the hell is going on? Tell me."

"Dammit, Katniss," he gritted out. "It's coming back. I can't fight it off. You can't be here when it happens. Go on. Get Prim out of here."

She cursed under her breath, and grunted as she lifted Prim's unconscious form. Behind her, the metal frame creaked as he grabbed hold. Fighting the urge to look back, she lumbered to the door, hit the release, and tossed Prim into an orderly's waiting arms. "Get Dr. Aurelius down here," she directed. "She needs to be checked out. She hit the wall pretty hard."

The orderly cradled her sister's tiny body and nodded before hurrying off in the direction of the closest nurse's station. Katniss let her guilt overtake her as she watched them disappear from view. She should have gone with her sister and yet she couldn't leave Peeta alone. Resolute, she keyed the door and slipped back inside…into a nightmare.

He was a gross parody of the boy who held her so tenderly just a short time before. His hair stood on end as if he'd tried to tear it out by the roots. Blood dripped off his chin from the remains of his mangled cheek. His hands were bruised and battered from repeated blows to an unforgiving surface. Crimson streaks clearly marked out where each strike had landed. Those cornflower blue irises were barely visible—a thin line encircling the fat pupil. His face contorted as he stared her down, hatred twisting his mouth into a thin, tight-lipped line.

He angled toward her with the light, wary steps of a predator stalking his prey. She stared back, watching for some sign that he was still there, still fighting. Instead, she found only revulsion. This wasn't her Peeta. This Peeta thirsted for her blood. He made as if to embrace but maimed instead. She slipped the wall, keeping him in front of her. She fought back tears as she studied the way he moved and how he responded to her changes in directions. The hunter in her took over, reading him like words on a page…waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Finally, she saw it—a brief hesitation as he stopped to take her in. This might be the only opportunity she had to end this before it got out of hand. Palming the syringe she kept on her if she ever needed it, she charged. He didn't expect it, didn't know how to deal with her sudden change in strategy. Instead of meeting her head on as expected, he turned to the side. Without slowing, she plowed into him, hitting low and hard to knock him off his feet. She jabbed the needle into the sensitive skin of his neck. A rough growl rumbled in his chest as he attempted to drag her clear. She clung to him, one arm wound tightly around his neck as she hit the plunger on the needle, sending a massive dose of sedative into his bloodstream. His knees buckled his head listing to the side. She pressed herself to his back, praying that it would be enough. She felt him go limp and slid clear as he slumped to the floor.

Katniss sunk down beside him, breathing heavily. She looked up as Haymitch and Dr. Aurelius burst in, followed by a cadre of soldiers. Haymitch's sigh of relief brought an amused twist to her lips. "It's okay, Haymitch. I'm all right and so is he."

"What the hell happened, sweetheart?" He asked harshly. "All we could get from the orderly that fetched Aurelius was that Prim had been hurt and you were dealing with the boy on your own. We managed to keep the news contained to just me and the doc but that won't last. Too many people will be wondering where you've gone."

"Prim had him hooked up and was sitting with him. It didn't look as if anything was wrong. She made some sort of adjustment to the machine and he got all strange. He started twisting and jerking. Prim tried to hold him down but she was too small. Before I could get to them, she hit the wall. I didn't know what else to do besides get her out of there. She wasn't hurt as far as I could tell. I told the orderly to take her someplace safe then go get Dr. Aurelius." She shook her head helplessly. "What took so long for them to come? Prim hit the call button as soon as the attack started. Where was everyone?"

"That's what I'm going to find out," Dr. Aurelius stated ominously. "Someone should have been here within moments of the alarm sounding. This whole thing could have been prevented. Instead, we're right back where we started." He frowned as he bent over Peeta, taking note of his battered hands and the blood seeping from his split lip. "You say that he was fine until she adjusted the flow of the medicine. Tell me exactly what happened after that."

Katniss bit her lip as she struggled to remember. So much had happened in so short of a time. "His arms and legs started to jerk and he was covered in sweat almost instantly. He looked like he was in agony. I think he bit his tongue because blood started running down his chin. Prim hit the call button and tried to hold him down. He wasn't strapped down, not like usual. He was too much for her. She hit the wall just as I came in."

Dr. Aurelius frowned and crossed the room to look at the bag still hanging innocuously by the bed. He carefully scrutinized the label and examined the tube dangling precariously from the end. The needle was smeared with blood, one dull drop beaded on the pointed head. "It looks alright. I see nothing that would have caused a reaction like the one you described. He's been on the morphling for weeks. We would have seen any adverse effects by now." He tapped his chin thoughtfully then strolled to the cabinet and keyed a four digit code into the pad. The door clicked open revealing a fully stocked medical supply closet. He grabbed a clean syringe, elbowed the door shut, and swiftly inserted it into the bag, withdrawing a small amount of the clear liquid inside. He eyed the soldiers standing at attention just inside the bay. "One of you go to the lab and fetch me a mouse. Any of them will do. There are individual cages so just grab the first one you come to. Hurry up. We need to work fast."

The soldier known as Jackson hastily saluted and left the room at a run. Katniss's brow furrowed as she watched the doctor shine a light in Peeta's eyes and check his pulse once more. "What do you think happened?" She questioned.

Dr. Aurelius sat back on his haunches, a serious cast to his face. His fingers rested lightly on Peeta's wrist, his eyes on the clock above the door. He cursed under his breath, muttering too fast and low for Katniss to make out. She shifted her gaze to her mentor and was surprised to see how worried he looked. No matter how bad it got, she'd never seen Haymitch worried. Her heart bolted into her throat. Haymitch nodded reassuringly but his gray eyes were somber as he watched Dr. Aurelius continue to work. The door abruptly slid aside as Jackson barged in holding a small cage containing a small white mouse. Aurelius grunted in satisfaction and took the cage, plunking it unceremoniously down on a nearby counter. He wasted no time with explanations. Instead, he eased the door open and caught the small animal with a gentle hand. Holding it securely, he injected the mouse with the medicine, put it back in the cage and waited.

Katniss looked questioningly from one to the other, unsure what was supposed to happen. Her questions were abruptly answered as the mouse let out a piercing squeal and fell on its side, muscles rippling in waves under the silky white fur. Within moments, it rolled shakily back to its feet and shook its head. It staggered back and forth as if drunk, random spasms sending it careening into the wall or falling to the floor to writhe in agony. It fought its way upright, swaying from side to side before charging the mesh wall, bloodying its face in the process. Katniss gasped as she watched the mouse beat itself senseless. "What the hell?" she breathed. "Dr. Aurelius, what does that mean?"

Dr. Aurelius met her look grimly. "It means that someone tainted the morphling that your sister used on Peeta. We'll have to test the entire batch as a precaution. This batch was laced with tracker jacker venom. That's why he reacted as he did. We couldn't purge his system completely. It would have sent him into shock had we tried. Instead, we got his levels as low as we could without taking him to the critical level and let nature take care of the rest. The combination of morphling and venom overloaded his nervous system. It caused him to have a seizure followed by what I'm referring to as an episode. In short, he was hijacked again for a short time. The sedative you gave him broke the cycle. We'll have to wait until he wakes up to see how much damage has been done."

"Who had access?" Haymitch interjected. "I thought only a select few could get at the drugs, especially those used to treat the boy."

Aurelius frowned heavily. "You are correct. I even went so far as to restrict his supply further than normal. Only I, two nurses, and Primrose have the codes to the cabinet used to store Peeta's medication. As I stated, we will test the entire batch and take proper measures to make sure this doesn't happen again. In the meantime, I would like to speak with your sister as soon as she's recovered. We need to find out what happened as quickly as possible."

"Let's go see her now," Katniss said eagerly. "I need to check on her and she'll want to know about Peeta. Haymitch, will you stay with him?" He didn't even let her finish before nodding. They placed Peeta back on the bed, slipping soft restraints over both wrists and ankles before Aurelius was satisfied that his patient could no longer wreak havoc. Katniss paused long enough to press a soft kiss to his temple and push back sweat damped curls that had plastered themselves to his forehead. "I love you," she whispered. "Come back to me."

Aurelius lead the way through the unending corridors and came to a stop before a partly open door. Katniss could hear her mother's quiet voice followed by Prim's more delicate ones. She grinned through a sudden haze of tears. If she was able to talk, then she was going to be fine. Aurelius gave her an understanding smile, and gestured for her to precede him into the room. Katniss immediately made her way to the bed and gathered Prim up in a fierce embrace despite her muted protests.

"Tell me the truth, Prim," Katniss demanded. "Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?" Her eyes swung to her mother sitting silently nearby. "Did you check her?"

Prim gave an exasperated huff. "I'm fine. I just got a little bruised up is all. He didn't mean to hurt me, Katniss. Tell them it was my fault. I tried to hold him down to keep him from hurting himself. He was just too strong for me." Her iris blue eyes were wide and pleading. "Please don't let him get into trouble because of me."

Katniss stroked her hair soothingly and murmured reassuringly, "We know. I saw what happened, Little Duck. He's not in trouble. Dr. Aurelius has already checked him over and he's going to be just fine. Don't you worry about it."

Prim gave Dr. Aurelius a questioning look and seemed satisfied when he nodded his agreement. "He's okay then?" She asked hesitantly. "He didn't hurt himself?"

Katniss hesitated before answering, her eyes on her mother as she spoke. "He had a bad reaction to the medicine. That's what caused his attack. Dr. Aurelius needs to know exactly what happened, Prim. Do you think you can remember?"

Her mother's swift intake of breath went unnoticed as Prim narrowed her eyes in thought. "It was time for Peeta to take his next dose of morphling so I sent Haymitch to tell him. I figured it was better for him to butt in and not me. I would have giggled too much." She laughed in delight as Katniss's cheeks flamed. "He met me in the hallway, followed by those two soldiers that go with him everywhere. He wouldn't look at me at first until I told him that seeing you happy was the best present he could give me. He stumbled and stuttered but I could tell that what I said made him feel better. When we got to medical, I took him to our usual room. I went to the cabinet to get his medicine but it was empty. Lace and Ayn usually have everything ready when I need it. I left Peeta in the room and went to find one of them so that I could get the morphling. I could tell he was in a hurry to get back to the party. He kept glancing at the clock and blushing when he knew that I'd caught him. "

Dr. Aurelius shifted but held his tongue as Prim continued. "They weren't on the ward. Usually one or the other is on shift. The only person that I could find was the new nurse's aide that came in with the last of Mr. Heavensbee's people from the Capital. I think her name is Celo. She offered to go through get me an ampoule from the general cabinet but I said no. Peeta's medicine comes in separately. Dr. Aurelius told me never to give him anything but the medicine stocked in his personal locker. Celo seemed upset at first, but then said she thought she'd seen Ayn with a box earlier that day. She poked around the dispensary for a few moments and then came back with an unopened package. We opened it and sure enough, it contained morphling. I still didn't feel right so I called up the log that we record the shipments on. We inventory them against the cabinet stock once a week to make sure that everything is accounted for." Dr. Aurelius nodded and gave Prim a pleased smile. She beamed back at him. "The lots matched so I signed the custody sheet and took them with me back to Peeta's room. I locked the rest of them in the cabinet and hooked him up. Once I verified that the drip was functioning properly, I adjusted the flow to his correct dosage. That's when it went bad. I swear I double checked the numbers against the log, Dr. Aurelius. I would never give him the wrong medication. I was careful. I wouldn't hurt Peeta. I couldn't do that."

"You did everything right, Prim," he said soothingly. "You were more thorough than half my staff considering the circumstances. I'll look into why neither of the regular nurses was on shift. That's a severe breach of procedure. It can't happen again." His eyes narrowed as another thought occurred to him. "You said that Celo was the only person on the floor when you went to the desk. She should never be left on the ward alone. That along with the fact that Peeta's medicine wasn't stored properly greatly disturbs me. Something isn't right."

Prim stiffened her face as pale as the sheet beneath her head. "Did someone switch his medicine? Is that what caused his seizure? Oh my god," she gasped. "What did I do? Katniss, I'm so sorry. He could have died. I didn't know. I swear I didn't know."

Katniss shook her head and pulled Prim into a tight embrace, "Shh, little duck. It's okay. I promise it's going to be okay. It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

Dr. Aurelius echoed, "Primrose, you didn't do anything to cause Peeta's episode. The medicine was tampered with. That much is certain. We don't know when it occurred or who is to blame. You followed protocol. I need to talk to my staff to decide how this unfortunate incident occurred and how we can prevent it in the future."

He gave Mrs. Everdeen a polite nod, gestured for Katniss to follow him and stepped out into the corridor before speaking. "She's very lucky and an exceptionally talented healer. I wish I had twenty more just like her. I have my suspicions about what took place prior to the medicine coming into your sister's possession, Katniss. If I'm right, we will have to watch Peeta even more closely than before. If he comes out of this unscathed, he can't go through this again. The next time might be the last for both him and anybody in that room with him. It was sheer luck that we had the foresight to arm you with the sedative. Otherwise, you'd be in a bed beside your sister or worse."

"Dr. Aurelius, who is Celo and why was she left on the ward alone?"

"That is something that I would very much like to find out," he replied. "Rest assured that I'll get to the bottom of it." He paused, eyes somber behind the steel rims of his glasses. "Don't let down your guard, Ms. Everdeen. Not for a moment. There is no safety anymore. Not until this war is over."

Katniss nodded bleakly and watched in silence as he walked away. "Not even then," she mumbled. "Some battles will never be done."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Several days later, there was still no sign of the mysterious Celo. She'd vanished just as quickly as she'd appeared. Both Lace and Ayn vehemently denied leaving a shipment of medicine in the dispensary. Both claimed to believe the other was on duty the day of the wedding. A cursory check of the schedule showed nothing amiss but Beetee took it upon himself to look deeper. He discovered that the times had been altered and the log modified so that an automatic scan would never have caught it. Beetee was able to bypass the text file and look at the data stream feeding into it. The changes, while subtle, couldn't be concealed. He quietly printed out a hardcopy and passed it to Aurelius along with the ID of the person responsible. That, too, led to a dead-end.

For Katniss, that left only two possibilities; both of which chilled her to her core. Either Snow had found a way to get people into and out of the vast complex undetected or Coin had decided to up the ante despite her continued public support. Both of them had ample reason to want her and Peeta silenced. This time, they almost succeeded. Katniss vowed not to let it happen again. Somehow, she would find a way keep her loved ones safe.

End Part 7…..


	8. Take These Broken Wings

 

Chapter 8: Take These Broken Wings

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise." Blackbird-The Beatles

Waiting was the hardest part. To have patience, to linger. To be stuck in a perpetual twilight watching and waiting for the sun to rise or fall. Not knowing. Begging for an answer, for reassurance, for hope only to come up empty handed. Those blasted words had come without forethought or warning-falling from her lips to assuage his doubts. She didn't deny their truth. Indeed, they were undeniable. She loved him. And yet, she was forced to stand aside as he fought the battle alone.

"When will he wake up?" she asked for the hundredth time. "Shouldn't he have woken up by now?"

Dr. Aurelius peered at her over the tops of his glasses. It was an annoying habit of his, one she wished he would stop. It made her want to punch him in the face when he gave her that look. He either ignored her unsubtle sigh or chose not to remark on it. Instead, he turned back to his files and directed his comments to the open air. "The combination of the sedative and the hallucinogenic side effects of the tracker jacker venom were a shock to his system. He will be out for a while. I would prefer that he rest and not be conscious and agitated. He needs to have this time to reset and rebuild. Have patience, Ms. Everdeen."

This back and forth went on for the next three days. During that time, she paced in the hallway outside his door listening for the slightest sound. Aurelius knew better than to tell her to go elsewhere. Other than to visit her sister, she hadn't been more than a few feet away from his door regardless of the hour. The nurses and other staff had been warned to leave her be. A few colorful expletives made it clear that visiting hours didn't apply to her—not where Peeta was concerned. They even went so far as to move a bed into the anteroom for her to sleep. She would have been on the floor otherwise. The girl was stubborn. Her former mentor called her pigheaded. She didn't care about labels. She cared about Peeta.

"You have to know something," she groused. "You can't be completely in the dark. It's not like you go in there to nap." At the sight of his suddenly flushed cheeks, she barked out a laugh. "You don't, do you?"

The good doctor had the grace to look embarrassed. "That isn't relevant nor is it factual. I am conducting important observations on the only patient known to have survived a hijacking attempt. Any finding, however trivial, could contain significant scientific value. We understand very little about the brain, Ms. Everdeen. Any knowledge that we can glean from Peeta's experiences could prove invaluable."

"The only thing you've studied is the inside of your eyelids," she muttered.

"I see you've taken personality lessons from your mentor," Dr. Aurelius commented wryly.

She gave him one of her customary scowls. "I just want to know when he'll wake up."

Aurelius started to reply but paused as Lace stepped into the office wearing a broad grin. "He's awake, Dr. Aurelius. Came to a few minute ago. I checked his vitals then came straight here."

Katniss bounded to her feet and darted past the nurse, making a beeline for the door with Aurelius hot on her heels. She entered the ward at a run, stopping only when she stood outside his room, her breath coming in hoarse pants. Blue eyes, hazy and unfocused, turned toward her the minute the door slid open.

"Peeta," she whispered. "God, Peeta, you're awake."

She made as if to go to him but was halted by a heavy hand clasping her elbow. "Wait, Ms. Everdeen. We don't know how he's going to react. You need to give me time to examine him."

She bit back a retort and nodded her head instead. She watched from the corner of the room as Dr. Aurelius shined a light into his eyes, asked a series of questions, poked, prodded, and eventually ordered the nurses to draw blood. "I'm sorry to have to do this but it's a necessary evil. We need to see how you're handling the venom and what options we have for going forward with your treatment. I can't pretend that this isn't a setback but hopefully it won't undo all the progress you've made."

Peeta blinked and then wearily shook his head. "Do what you have to do, Doc," he rasped. "I'm not going anywhere."

Aurelius smiled. "That's what I want to see. Bear with us just a little while longer, son. We'll check your blood, get a few pictures, and decide what we're going to do next."

Peeta nodded and then made a weak gesture toward the foot of the bed. "What about...what happened...where's my leg?"

Aurelius scribbled a few notes on his pad before replying. "The prosthetic was removed for your comfort, Peeta. You can have it back as soon as you feel up to it. We wanted to be sure that you were resting comfortably."

"I'd like to get out of here," Peeta mumbled. "But I guess that's wishful thinking, isn't it? There's no way Coin will agree even if you put me under guard."

His resigned tone tore at Katniss's heart. She gave Aurelius a beseeching look.

"I can make a recommendation but I'm not sure how much good it would do under the circumstances. Perhaps we can make some arrangements." Another weighing glance over the steel rimmed glasses set Katniss's teeth on edge. A hint of blue slanted her way causing her to bite back a cutting remark. Aurelius cocked a knowing brow but chose not to remark on it. Instead, he kept his attention fixed on Peeta. "We're going to continue to watch you as well as implement tighter restrictions on both your meds and what staff will be attached to your case. I think that Lace is the best choice. Primrose will also continue to assist once she's out of the hospital."

Peeta shook his head, avoiding Katniss's questioning gaze. "I don't want Prim. I don't want what happened before to happen again. It's not worth it."

Katniss covered her mouth, her chest constricted and tight. "Peeta, that wasn't your fault. It was the venom, not you."

"It doesn't matter," he insisted. "My fault or not my fault, that doesn't change the fact that Prim got hurt."

"No, it doesn't," Katniss answered. "Prim got hurt. That won't stop her from wanting to be part of your recovery. She's determined to help in any way that she can. Don't take this away from her, Peeta."

"Even if it kills her," he retorted grimly. She saw the tremors that intermittently shook his limbs and the way he avoided meeting her eyes. He was scared, but not for himself. He was terrified that he would hurt Prim again. The knowledge tied her guts in knots. He was more concerned about her sister and what might happen than what had already happened to him. You could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve him. Haymitch's words echoed mockingly in her head. Never had truer words been spoken. She didn't deserve him.

"Even then," Katniss said firmly. "It's her choice to make, hers and Dr. Aurelius'. He's not worried. Neither am I."

Dr. Aurelius looked from one to the other with barely disguised amusement. "If you two are finished, we still have some more matters to discuss. The first of which is Peeta's request to leave the ward. He will have to be under guard, of course. There are some places here in Thirteen that would be suitable for short outings. I need to speak with President Coin to work out the particulars. I would also like Katniss to go with you on these outings, Peeta. I stand by my original assessment that the more exposure you have to her, the more the conditioning wrought by the hijacking can be reversed or, at least, minimized. If you no longer see her as a threat, we should be able to keep the episodes contained."

"I won't cooperate unless there's someone there to protect her if something does go wrong," Peeta announced. "She got lucky with the sedative. We can't depend on luck to keep her safe."

"I can arrange an escort to accompany you," Dr. Aurelius replied. "A member of the staff will go with you as will a pair of guards. I would like it to be Boggs and Jackson. They are the most familiar with your case and know what to look for when it comes to an impending attack."

Peeta cocked his head to the side thoughtfully as he mulled over the doctor's offer. "It's as good a plan as any. But where would we go? Walking up and down a bunch of identical hallways wasn't what I had in mind, Doc."

Katniss stepped forward, a hesitant smile on her face. "We could go to the gardens. They have whole caverns on the lower levels filled with plants and growing things. In Special Defense, they have a room filled with trees and grass like a meadow. It's filled with hummingbirds. They study their flight patterns. We probably couldn't go there but there are others. One of them has a pond that seeps up through the bedrock. I think they use it for fish and stuff. They even have katniss plants although they didn't know that the roots were edible until Sae and I showed them. It gave them something else to add to the menu. They seemed pretty happy about that."

"I'll bet," Peeta chuckled. "They were over the moon with the bread recipes I gave them. It was a pretty simple recipe but you wouldn't know that from the way the kitchen staff acted."

"If you want, I can see if a trip to the farms on the lower levels can be set up for later this afternoon," Dr. Aurelius offered. "I see no reason it couldn't be done with the proper escort. Once I get the results of your tests back, I'll take it up with the President."

Peeta managed a small smile along with a quick nod. He waited until Dr. Aurelius left the room before meeting Katniss's gaze. "So, the gardens, huh?"

The edges of her mouth lifted into an answering grin. "Yeah. I think they will surprise you. Say what you will about this place but they know how to make the best of a bad situation."

"Is that what we're doing, Katniss? Just doing the best we can with what we have left?"

"No, Peeta," she whispered. "We're going to focus on you and me and being together. That's what we're going to do."

She didn't know what surprised her most…the unexpected wetness that made his eyes shine like sapphires or the smile that seemed to light him up from within. "That's what we're going to do," he echoed as he held out his hand.

Smiling softly to herself, she twined her fingers through his.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXX OXO

The walls had been smoothed down over the years by machines and human hands. A slow seepage bubbled from a cut high up in the rock. The stream flowed into a channel that had been widened and angled to funnel the spring into the low basin of the pond's bed. It wasn't clear whether the pond itself was manmade. The passing of time had softened the rough angles into rounded coves and inlets. The banks were draped in green- waterborne reeds and shrubs. Lilies and algae floated on the water. The arrow shaped leaves and three-petal blossoms of katniss stood watch over the shoreline.

Silt, sand, and clay made for loose footing, but the residents of Thirteen had long since adapted the underground oasis to their needs. A shelf had been hollowed out of the cavern a short distance from the water. The bone white stone hinted that the bench had been submerged once upon a time. Now, it sat at just the right height to allow the sitter to dip their toes in should they wish to or tuck themselves into a comfortable ball if they didn't. Katniss pointed out rough steps that made a haphazard path leading to the ledge.

"Watch where I put my feet and follow as closely as you can," she ordered. "The going is a little tough but you shouldn't have any trouble if you take your time." She danced with catlike grace from one to the next. He studied her moves intently and tried his best to match them. The prosthetic made it difficult, since it was less mobile than its predecessor. He was more cautious than before, testing his footing before moving forward. She nodded encouragingly, "That's it. Just go slow. We're in no hurry."

Peeta shot her an exasperated look. "I don't need you to baby sit me, Katniss. I'm perfectly capable of doing this on my own." He looked over his shoulder where Boggs and Jackson stood silently watching. "It's bad enough that we have those two trailing after us without you treating me like a five-year old."

"Don't knock our shadows," she muttered. "They're staying out-of-the-way and you're not in chains. You probably have Boggs to thank for that."

Peeta gave a noncommittal shrug and dropped his gaze as he carefully traversed the uneven path. He heaved a sigh as he slid down beside her then tossed her a crooked grin. "How did you find this place? I can't believe it even exists down here. We must be miles below ground."

She flicked a glance toward him, taking in the untidy sprawl he made. It was a welcome change seeing him like this. Her mind went back to those languid hours spent working on the plant book while her ankle healed. He looked happy then, just as he did now. Those eyes were clear, crystalline blue. The lines and furrows that etched his brow were thankfully missing. A half-smile pulled up one side of his mouth as he looked out over the water. The only word she could think of, sitting here watching him was content. He looked like there was no other place he'd rather be.

He worried his bottom lip before turning to face her. "We need to talk, Katniss, sort a few things out. I want to make sure we're on the same page." She hitched one leg up, rested her folded arms on her upturned knee, and then looked at him expectantly. "We can't keep going around in circles, taking one step forward and then three back. Something has to give." He mirrored her pose, their knees almost touching. "Coin wants us out of the way. She doesn't think that we're going to support her if the Rebels manage to take Snow down. She wants Panem. If we're not for her one hundred percent, then she won't give us the opportunity to be against her. I don't know what deal she worked out with Haymitch and Plutarch but she's not letting that stand in her way. The only reason you're still here is because you're Katniss Everdeen, the Mockingjay. You're too visible. She can't touch you. The only reason I'm here is because they think you need me."

"I do," she breathed. "I do need you."

A small smile glimmered before being swallowed up by solemnity. "I've been thinking about this for a while and what happened just clinched it, at least for me. We can't stay here, Katniss, or rather you can't stay here any longer. I want you to tell her that you're agreeing to go to District One or to the Capital. Anywhere is good so long as it's not here." She began to shake her head, trying futilely to interrupt him but he refused to relent. "I know that we told her we wouldn't go to the Capital when she tried to force it. This is completely different. You'll be going because you want to. You can get out. As long as you're here, she's got you."

"Wrong," she blurted. "You're wrong, Peeta. This has nothing to do with my being here. It's about you, Haymitch, Prim, and everyone else from Twelve being here. As long as the people I love are in Thirteen, she's got me. At least if I'm here, I can see what's going on. I can protect you. If I'm out there, I'm worse than useless. I need to be here. Don't ask me to leave again, not even if you think it's for my own good. Don't ask me to do that."

His jaw tightened, the only sign of his rising frustration. He peered at the water, seemingly lost in thought. Finally, he let out a breath before turning back to her. "You told me that you love me. Do you trust me?"

Her eyes widened briefly. "Of course I do," she bit out. "I trust you more than anyone. If I didn't, we wouldn't be here."

He nodded, letting that smile appear again briefly. "If that's true, you'll do as I ask. Go while you can. Don't let her force your hand. It's the same here as it was in the Capital. They want us to be a piece in their Game. Don't. No matter what you have to do, don't let them call the shots."

"Is this about Celo? Do you think she had help?" Katniss questioned.

"I think we got very lucky this time," Peeta raked a hand through his hair, eyes once more on the water. "And I don't think this was a one off. We're out of the Arena but not out of the Game."

"Then that's all the more reason for us to stay together, Peeta. We protect each other, watch out for each other."

He laughed softly, the fond look he turned on her sending a warm rush through her blood. "I think we've already established that us protecting each other is counterproductive, Katniss. Odds are that one of us is going to lose. I don't want you to go but if I have to choose, I'd take the option that keeps you safe. If you don't go of your own accord, then you will go because she's made it impossible for you to stay."

"I won't leave without you," she vowed fiercely. "I won't leave Prim. I won't."

He glanced at Boggs and Jackson then back to her. "What I wouldn't give for a rooftop garden and a sunset now. You were much more agreeable then."

It was her turn to laugh. "Do you think so? Well, you have a garden right here. I'll grant you that it's not on a roof but that's beside the point. As for sunset," she gestured up. "Beetee says that those lights are supposed to act like the sun since we're underground. I don't know how they work but if we sit here long enough, maybe you'll get your wish."

"Maybe," he conceded. "Maybe. We've still got an audience though." He stared pensively at the distant pair, a tinge of disappointment clouding his face.

Boggs and Jackson exchanged a long look, one then the other whispering and gesturing furiously. Jackson smirked in their direction before she spun on her heel and left the cavern. Boggs eyed them sternly and held up his hands, opening and closing them twice before he moved away. The pair left on the outcropping sat in stunned silence as they watched him disappear into the darkened passageway.

"So much for the audience," Katniss commented wryly.

"Makes me wish I knew who to talk to about that sunset," Peeta returned quietly. She gave him a sideways look and was surprised by his serious expression. Before she quite realized what was happening, she swayed toward him.

His hands cupped her cheeks as he looked solemnly into her misty gray eyes. "I love you," he murmured.

The lightning tree had nothing on the scorching waves that crash over her. She felt that thing again…that elusive, quicksilver spark that fired her blood and made her want. Standing here looking at him, seeing the heat swirling in her belly reflected back at her…it was like a dream.

They had been here before. Wrapped so tightly together, it seemed like nothing and nobody could ever come between them. But they had. They took him and changed him; irrevocably changed him. But that didn't matter now. Not when his arms gathered her in and his lips found hers. Not when the golden bubbling mass filling her veins made her feel alive in a way she's only ever known with him. And even though she knew it was a risk; that they're two foolish people playing with fire….she let go of all the reasons that this shouldn't happen. And in letting go, she found a reason to hang on. She found it hard to breathe. Not because she was short of breath, although that was certainly true. It was simply that breathing was no longer a necessity. She didn't need air. She needed to get closer, as close as possible.

His hands mapped the valleys and plains of her back and shoulders before finding a home in the tangled remains of her braid. His lips explored every inch of hers, teasing and tender by turns. Though they moved by rote, the kiss was anything but commonplace. It eclipsed even those on the beach. Where those had been warm, these were an inferno. Where they made her want more, these made her crave. Where those asked and received, these demanded and claimed. She felt more than heard him groan, and replied in kind as those clever lips left hers to find their way to the contours of her throat. Her head canted to the side to give him better access, her hand gathering up the untidy strands to clear his path. He hummed his approval into her sweat dampened skin. He lifted his head and pressed a regretful kiss to her forehead before moving back to her lips. This time, it was soft and slow and loving. Gentle. She felt the dull burn of tears prick her eyes. This time, she knew she wouldn't be the first to let go.

The sound of footsteps on stone broke them apart. Boggs stopped a discreet distance away and cleared his throat. The pair shared a smile before climbing to their feet and leaving their haven behind. Katniss stopped in the middle of the path, forcing Peeta to lift his gaze from the rough terrain. "I love you too," she returned quietly. He gave her an acknowledging nod along with a smile. Their hands found each other, fingers intertwining. Without another word, they followed Boggs back to the medical ward.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The good day was inevitably followed by a string of bad days. He paid for those idyllic moments with hours spent struggling to sort through a rain of what he termed 'shiny memories.' Those lips that professed undying love spewed a stream of caustic words that reduced her to a sobbing heap once she was out of his sight. Those times, he didn't see the girl he loved. He saw a mutt, something not worthy of being called human. He cursed, threatened, begged and pleaded by turns. He asked them to kill him, vowed to kill her, was tied up, twisted, bent and broken…then remade. He dragged the tattered pieces of his soul back together, tear-reddened eyes flitting away in guilt as soon as they met hers.

"I can't take it anymore," he snarled. "The damned cameras or the staring eyes."

She watched as it took its toll, and vowed that she would somehow make it good for him again. She took to hiding in out-of-the-way places as she had during those early days. The drain pipe, the closet, a forgotten store-room. She forced herself to hold it together as she watched him fall apart. It was only in those stolen moments of solitude that she let herself go. It was in a moment of weakness that she decided to take matters into her own hands.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The closet was just as she remembered when she tucked herself away in its dark depths immediately after seeing him with Caesar, weeping and laughing in turn. Gale found her shortly after. Sharing the same space with Peeta made it feel much more intimate now than it had then. Maybe it was the dark. Maybe it was the fact that their knees and hands brushed as each shifted to find a more comfortable spot. Maybe it was him. She didn't know what it was, only that her pulse pounded in her ears and she couldn't help but wonder if he heard it too.

"I can see why you like this place," he commented wryly. "All the comforts of home."

"What do you mean?" she asked as she moved to pull a stray box of graphite from beneath her leg.

"Well, it's like our cave. Even though we were fighting for our lives, we were safe there even if only for a little while," he observed. "In that light, this closet makes a certain kind of sense."

"The cave," she chuckled. "Is that why you think I came here? When you miss the point, Mellark, you go all out."

"Okay then," he said grouchily. "Why did you come here?"

She gestured toward the container in her hand, realizing at the last second that he probably couldn't see it clearly in the half light. She found his hand and placed the box in his upturned palm. "It's easy when you think about it, Peeta."

He shot her a confused glance and lifted the box to look at it more closely. His brows raised abruptly, his face showing his confusion, "Graphite. Katniss?"

She gestured toward the shelves rising above their head. "Art supplies. A pencil, graphite, paints. Like I said, it makes sense when you think about it."

His face softened, his hand cradling her cheek. "You came here because of me."

She closed her eyes at his touch. "Yes," she confirmed quietly. "I had a bunch of places that I could go when it got to be too much. I wanted you but you weren't here. "

He rose to his knees as his other hand came up to frame her face. His breath stirred the errant strands that had worked loose from her braid. "I'm here now," he spoke softly.

"Yes, you're here," she agreed. "You're here and it causes you pain."

"It's getting better, Katniss," he argued. "I'm learning to control it. Dr. Aurelius says that we almost have the morphling dosage right. It's not a cure but it's enough."

"It won't be enough until that bastard pays for what he did to you."

Peeta's eyes darkened briefly before he caught himself. As she watched, he closed his eyes tightly, muttering to himself until the moment passed. "Are you finally agreeing that leaving Thirteen is the best option for all of us?"

"I don't know what the best option is. I just know that I want to be there when Snow is put down. If there is a God, I hope He lets me be the one to put the arrow in his head."

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss into the palm. "So now what? We tell her that we're going and ask for a ride?"

"First, we talk to Haymitch and Dr. Aurelius. Then we try to figure out how to make it worth her while to let us go. All of us."

"The only way that's going to happen is if we go to the Capital." Peeta observed.

"Then we go to the damned Capital," Katniss answered smartly. "Or we make her think that's where we're going."

"Then where are we going?" he inquired.

"That's the part I haven't figured out yet," she growled. "But I will. Give me time. I'll think of something."

Peeta wisely chose not to comment.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Haymitch split his glare equally between the two of them. The lack of liquor had made turned his already short fuse into a hair-trigger. He glared at them in turn before finally settling on Katniss.

"About time that you show your face, sweetheart," he growled. "I've been looking for you all morning."

"Well, you've found me so the crisis is averted for now," she groused. "We need to talk to you, Haymitch."

He cut her off abruptly, "Me first. Coin just announced that the final push into the Capital is set to begin. The Rebels have seized the tunnels leading in to the city. They're beginning to move troops in even as we speak."

"But that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I want to…"

"Katniss, listen," Haymitch shouted. "They're sending troops into the Capital. Some of them are already inbound. Gale is with them." He paused at the sight of her white face and wide, staring eyes. "He's not the only one. Coin handed out a roster during the announcement." She began to shake her head furiously, denying the news that she already suspected. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but you need to know."

"Haymitch," Peeta breathed.

The old man kept his gaze squarely on Katniss. "The first squads left via hovercraft about two hours ago. It included medical staff. I'm sorry, sweetheart. It was done before any of us knew the details."

"What are you saying?" she asked frantically.

Haymitch swallowed jerkily, regret in his voice and in his eyes. "Prim was assigned to the group headed to the Capital. I tried to have the flight diverted back to Thirteen but Coin said there was nothing she could do. I'm sorry."

Katniss shook her head in denial, everything in her screaming for somebody tell her it wasn't real. But it was. Her baby sister, her little duck, was going to war.

End chapter 8


	9. One, Five, Ten

 

Chapter 9: One, Five, Ten

One, five, ten years have passed since the Capital fell. Ten years. It seems like a lifetime. They are writing the history of those days, immortalizing events in words that most of us who lived through it have no words for. The wounds go too deep. They put labels on the passage of time to make it linear...to give it a story. That's what it is in the end-a story passed down to future generations determined not to repeat our mistakes but destined to follow the same path regardless. The road to hell is paved with good intentions and all roads lead to hell in the end. We are silly, stupid creatures bent on our own destruction. History, real and not real, has proven that fact over and over again.

The Dark Days, the Hunger Games, the Rebellion…how can we explain them to our children? How can we make them understand the cost that was paid to give them the possibility of a better life? Their history book is meant to explain it, lay it out in black and white so that the truth will be known. Truth…it's just a pretty word that they hide behind, a white wash to cover up the rubble that hell leaves behind when the fire goes out. It's Beauty Base Zero on a grand scale.

They tore down the Arenas and built memorials in their place. Seventy-five years of Tributes commemorated on the spot where they died. I suppose some would consider that fitting. I call it too little, too late. They deserve more than to have their name carved in a blank stone wall. They deserve to live. Rue and Finnick are the ones whose faces hurt the most, at least for me. I honor them as best I can by the simple act of breathing. To me, that's the least I can do. That and to remember.

The true history of those days is recorded in ways far more meaningful than the rose-colored view of their so-called history. I see it in the memory book that Peeta and I made in the first two years after the war. I see it in the bare foundations and pitted earth of my district. I see it in the ropy scars that trace white lines on my husband's pale flesh. I see it in the sadness that dulls my sister's china blue eyes when she glimpses the Hawthornes or passes through the square where the Memorial was dedicated just last week. I see it in my children's innocent faces…what we fought, bled and died for. I see it.

Gale Hawthorne is my best friend. He told me he loved me once and had to take a chance that I might just love him back. He knew it was hopeless but, as he said, he had to try. He knew before I did that Peeta held my heart and probably always would. That didn't change the fact that part of me was his just as part of him is and always will be mine. Peeta is my dandelion in spring, the hope that good will always follow. Gale is my foundation. He helped hold me together and picked me up when I was close to falling. He died saving my sister. I hate and love him for that.

The march into the Capital is shrouded in a haze of smoke and screams. Some memories stand out in Technicolor while others are hazy. I'll never get them back. Snow didn't give the Rebels the satisfaction of punishing him for his crimes. The President died as he lived-in front of a camera smiling as the poison leached its way into his veins and stopped his stone cold heart forever. I'm told that they did find the body, lying like an Emperor in his rose garden. It was dragged through the streets and strung up in the City Center where Tributes were once paraded about. His end was made where so many other endings began. Ironic, isn't it?

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We straggle into the City Center with the rest of the squad Coin hand-picked to go with us. Boggs fell when a pod deployed. He died right in front of me, his last words urging me to kill Peeta and to not trust Coin. I'm not sorry that I only followed half of that order. I never was a very good soldier. I was bitterly angry at both Coin and Snow for the selfish way they spent the lives of others. Peeta's words from the roof played in my head, I want to find a way to show them that I'm not just a piece in their Games. If I'm gonna die, I want to die as me. I thought he was so foolish at the time. Now I know that I was the fool. Peeta and Gale are far better rebels than I could ever be.

_The corral of children surrounded by a wall of Peacekeepers is enough to shock us into stillness. My stomach roils at the thought of Snow using even more innocents to hide behind. More than anything, I wanted to keep my vow to be the one to end his life. He would leave this world knowing that the spark he once tried to contain had consumed him and his precious Panem. I wanted it like I had never wanted anything else in my life. My heart burned in my chest with the wish to see him fall. Like I said, we are silly, selfish creatures. Darkness recognizes its own. Snow knew me for what I was the moment I volunteered for Prim in the Reaping. The bastard was drenched in blood and my hands were far from clean._

_The parachutes rain down, bringing with them thoughts of food, of warmth, of hope. No. Not this time. The first wave of bombs sends a shockwave through the crowd along with a shower of blood and flesh. Those that don't die right away stagger unseeing toward salvation, a silver token from a benevolent stranger. I see the terror in Gale's face, in the fathomless gray depths that are the first to register the true horror about to unfold. I see Peeta's stark white face, colorless and pale, as he stares at the arm lying on the paving stones just a few feet away…an arm that's too small to be anything but what it is. The screams roll in like thunder, the bodies churning like floodwaters as they run to and from the massacre unfolding within the barricades. I can't move._

_Gale is shaking his head, lips moving but no sound escaping. He stares in shocked disbelief at Peeta sprawled on the ground with his head in his hands. He looks at me and I know something has irretrievably broken. We don't know what to do so we do what we can. I bend down and take Peeta's face in my hands, whispering his name. Gale shoulders his gun and rips into a duffle lying forgotten on the ground. He pulls out a shirt that's a hideously vibrant shade of pink and tears it to shreds. A hysterical bark of laughter escapes me as I picture Effie Trinket's dismayed expression. Gale shoves a scrap of fabric into my hands and gestures wordlessly toward Peeta's wrists. The cuffs are gone but the wounds they left still bleed. His hands dig into mangled flesh, fingers taking the place of steel. "Not real. Not real," he chants incessantly under his breath. "Not real. Not real. Not real."_

_"Peeta," I whisper. "Stay with me. Please, Peeta. Don't let them take you. Not now."_

_His red-rimmed and glassy eyes focus on my face. The look has depth, substance, texture. I can feel it moving over me like a fingertip,. "You love me?" he rasps. His eyes are more black than blue but I can see it is him behind them and not the mindless Capital creation programmed to kill me. He lifts a hand to my face and cups my cheek. Despite the blood riming his fingers, I don't move away. I lean into him, twine us together until nothing and nobody can take him from me again._

_"Real," I whisper back. I feel him shudder as the tension and venom subside. "Real, Peeta." I repeat too many times to count over the next several minutes. Finally, I see Peeta looking back at me…my Peeta. His eyes flicker to the butchery rendered by the bombs. I can see the questions piling up behind them, but there are no answers to be found amid the walls of the injured and dying._

_"Is he going to be alright?" Gale questions. "We need to get out of here. This place will be a graveyard before nightfall. The Peacekeepers won't let it go easily."_

_"It's already a graveyard," Peeta breathes. "There's more than mortar holding those walls up."_

_Gale doesn't comment, but his eyes say everything. Despair, disbelief, and defeat are in plain sight. My best friend has seen more than his share of killing, has spilled blood with his own two hands. This kind of wholesale slaughter is different. Watching the Games isn't the same as playing them. It's yet another brick in the wall that separates us from the boy and girl we used to be._

_Footsteps, like thunder, ring across the courtyard. Too many Rebels to count flood into the open area and overflow into the arteries and veins of the city, sweeping the few remaining Peacekeepers back. The wails of the injured are lost in the escalating noise. A flurry of white uniforms swarms the barrier and pushes the rubble aside to reach the children. A blonde ponytail and the ducktail flipping behind her marks Prim out. I'm on my feet, screaming her name before another second passes._

_Gale grabs my arm in an iron grip, shrugging off my feeble attempts to get free. "I'll get her. Get out of here. Go on, Katniss. You can't stay here." He drops my arm and sprints toward the barricade without another word. I stand in dumbfounded silence as I watch him race toward her, calling to her with every step. His urgency freezes her in her tracks as twin impulses war. I can see the struggle on her face from where I'm standing. There are still injured kids that need help, but Gale doesn't panic and Gale would never ever tell her to go without a good reason. She hesitates for one moment too long._

_I don't realize that Peeta is no longer beside me until I see a mop of curly blonde hair throw itself into the maelstrom. "Pe...Ga...Pri…" their names lock in my throat, choked off by the knot that wedges itself somewhere between my chin and collarbone. Gale is the first one to reach her, wrapping her in a bear hug despite her wiggling protests. He shoves her into Peeta's arms and gives him a push to hurry them along. His lips move and I read the words as if they were printed on a page…"Take her and go." Peeta doesn't ask questions, just wheels and runs with my sister sputtering furiously over his shoulder. Gale trails behind, stopping only to grab a girl in a lemon yellow coat that wanders into his path. "Go, go, go." He yells frantically. They manage two more steps before the second wave of bombs ignite_

_Seconds swell and expand as I watch the fireball engulf them. Gale disappears in an instant, swallowed up by orange-laced red. My last glimpse of him was the lemon hued coat being stitched up with fiery threads. His name fell from my lips like a prayer that I knew would never be answered. My best friend was gone._

_Peeta took the brunt of the blow, tucking Prim into the curve of his body as the flames swirled around them. I heard them scream, first him then her. I couldn't see them, couldn't move. The ground shook under my boots, groaning as if the earth itself heaved in protest._

_If the first bombs were designed to cause chaos, the second had no other purpose than to wipe the slate clean. Behind the barricade, there was nothing left. The blast radius leveled everything in its path. The few that managed to get out, like Prim and Peeta, would bear scars. Of Gale, there was no trace. Nothing. I couldn't stop the sobs that shook me, ripped at my throat and hollowed out my heart. He saved her. He saved them both…for me. He died so the ones I loved most in the world could live. How could he not know he was on that list too? How could he leave me here? How could I ever repay such a gift?_

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

It was Peeta that showed me the only way to be worthy of what Gale gave us that day. It was Peeta who pushed aside his breathing mask and demanded the right to tell Hazelle himself what had happened. He said it was the right thing to do. I couldn't argue with him. I couldn't find the words.

Prim's bruises healed and the scars faded except for one above her eye that looped along the brow bone before arcing into her hairline. That and the guilt that swathes her like a blanket are her only visible marks. There is a slump to her shoulders that wasn't there before. I recognize it and curse because I know it all too well. Not allowed to be a child but, as a child, bearing the responsibility of an adult. I had hoped to spare her that but, as I had in so many ways, I'd failed.

The first two years were the hardest. We held tightly to each other, watching and waiting for the world to heal itself or fall apart again. Coin died, not by my hand, but as punishment for her crimes. A tribunal was set up at Commander Paylor's behest to look into allegations that Coin abused her power during the last days and months before the Capital fell. They asked Peeta and me to testify but we refused. We took to the cameras one last time as the star-crossed lovers and told our tale. The video was played during the trial. Haymitch said there wasn't a dry eye in the room except for Coin. She watched as Peeta and I laid her deeds bare before the world and didn't blink. She and Snow really were two of a kind.

The revelation of her plan to hold a Hunger Games with Capital children caused uproar in the districts that paid lip service to the Rebels. She was sentenced to death by the citizens of her own District. They put a bullet in her head the day my family came back to Twelve. Mother left for District Four a few months later. There were too many bad memories and she couldn't stay. She asked Prim and I to come with her but both of us refused. Twelve was in ruins but it was still home. Peeta left the decision up to me. Still, he couldn't hide his relief when I told him that we were staying. I knew it made him happy.

Our daughter came the third year. I had disavowed children at an early age but Peeta wanted them. Deep down, so did I. It was fear of the Games, fear of starvation, and fear of having someone else I loved taken away that held me back. When I felt her move for the first time, fear took hold again. Peeta held me as I sobbed into his shirt, whispering that he loved me and everything was going to be alright. I believed him because he didn't make promises that he couldn't keep. The night she was born was both the happiest and most terrifying of my life. Looking into her pale blue eyes, I could finally breathe again. Her tufts of hair darkened as the weeks wore on but those blue eyes didn't waiver. I wanted to call her Maysilee, after the girl who was my mother's best friend and the first to wear the Mockingjay pin in the Arena. It seemed to fit. Peeta wanted to call her Gale. I didn't ask why. Some things are best left unsaid. I simply said yes and let the rest of it go. The reasons weren't important.

May, as she insists on being called, lives in absolute certainty that she is loved. To her, the world is one wide wonderland to be explored at her leisure and safety isn't counted in Reaping slips. She has never known what it is like to do without simple things. She has never known the deadliness of dread nor the gray depths of despair. To her, the words of her lullaby are the only truth she knows.

Her brother came six years later. It was a bit easier the second time, but not much. I guess I'll never get used to taking the good things in life for granted. They are so easily lost and so hard to do without. Sometimes, it's simpler to look for the bad because you aren't surprised when it shows up. Peeta tells me I'm a pessimist. I tell him it's his job to make me see that things can and will be good again. It's a job he takes seriously.

Asher Mellark was born on the day Gale Hawthorne died. I took one look at my son's gray eyes and felt something come full circle. All the pieces of my life were once again in place. We struggled long and hard to find him a good name. It was Hazelle who suggested Asher. "It means blessed," she said in a strong, clear voice that belied the sheen of tears in her eyes. "He would want to see you happy, Katniss. That's all he wanted. It's what he died for…to give us all the chance to make what we can of this life. Don't waste it."

I owed it to Gale to make the most of every day, good or bad. I owed it to myself. Hazelle comes by often to see her godson. She takes him for walks, teaches him funny songs, and laughs at his constant chatter and smiles. Ash has my eyes and watching manner but he's clearly his father's son. I watch them in the garden as Peeta lets him hold a brush and daub paint on a fresh canvas. Their laughter is the sweetest sound I've ever heard. Even the birds stop to listen when my boys laugh.

We take each day as it comes. Prim starts to smile again, more often when Rory Hawthorne walks her home from the apothecary. Peeta built the shop and gave Prim the key on her eighteenth birthday. She cried for two days after, saying she didn't deserve it. Peeta told me to leave her alone, that she needed to get it straight in her own mind. Nothing I could say or do would make it easier.

Someday, I'll have to tell May and Ash the real story. It's not a fairy tale where the prince and princess live happily ever. Sometimes, there are monsters to fight and dragons to slay and sometimes, the good guy doesn't win. I'll tell them that it's okay to be afraid, and that it's okay to cry. I'll tell them that they are loved. After all, in the end that's the only thing that matters.

FINIS THIRTEEN


End file.
